How to tell a 9 year old that her daddy is not her "real" daddy.

Dee - posted on 07/16/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

5

0

1

When my son married for the second time his wife already had a 14 month old little girl. Everyone has acted as if she is his and he really is! Her bio dad has never even seen her. My son has 2 children from his first marriage and the 9 yr old knows he had them with the first wife . My son and his second wife have had a son so she has a little brother. I am so worried about her not knowing! They have to tell her sometime but have been putting it off. I don't want her hurt or her whole world (as she knows it) explode when she finds out. She is very emotional, very sweet, and mature for a 9 year old. I mean, she talks like a grownup! I know it is going to confuse her and hurt her. She has my sons last name and she always has... What should they do??? Help!!!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

My advice is not to tell her that Daddy isn't her real Daddy. Biology doesn't make you a Father, being there for a child does. If your son takes care of this child, accepts her as his own, as well as everyone else, the confusion is going to come when you tell her a man that has nothing to do with her is actually her Daddy. If your son accepts this girl as his daughter and she accepts him as his Daddy, let it be. One day she may find out, and then you can sit her down and explained what happened and that some men, like her biological father, aren't meant to be Daddies. Why rock her world before then? Why instill that little inkling of doubt in her? A nine year old, even mature, I just don't feel she would respond well to you telling her the man that loves and takes care of her isn't her Daddy. Home is where the heart is and in her heart your son is her Daddy and that is too precious to lose at such a young age. Again-if he's there for her caring for her, and has that love for her-he IS her Daddy.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/16/2014

13,264

21

2015

Um, your son is the REAL dad.

The biological father is not in the picture. A REAL dad is in the picture.

What your daughter in law needs to do is explain that another man helped in creating her, but her dad (your son) loves her and wants her to be happy

Dove - posted on 07/18/2014

12,413

0

1354

She should have been raised w/ the truth. Her daddy IS her 'real' daddy, but she has another man that is her father.

I don't know how or what age to handle it now since it wasn't done from the beginning. If they haven't had the sex talk w/ her... that 'might' be a time to explain it... especially since she knows her dad already had other kids first.

Good luck to them, but especially to her!

Serene - posted on 07/16/2014

735

59

67

I personally wouldn't tell her now. She already knows her daddy is your son. If your DIL wanted to tell her why didn't she tell her when she was younger? My sister adopted two children and when they turned 2/3 years old she told them that she was their adopted mother. Now they are 8/9 and they still know my sister is their adopted mother, but she is still their mother. It would be hard on a 9 year old to find out that isn't her daddy. Its best that she doesn't know espicially if Sperm donor or Bio dad is no where in the picture of her life.

7 Comments

View replies by

Dee - posted on 07/18/2014

5

0

1

I agree Dove, I'm not sure what they're going to do but I believe they should wait now! Thanks for posting!

Dee - posted on 07/18/2014

5

0

1

Thanks for responding.... it isn't my DIL that brought it up. Her other GiGi and I were at a cookout at my sons house and we discussed it then. I told her that they'd best talk to a child psychologist before they did anything. I just became terrified that they were going to blurt it out! I think we're all scared of what it may do to her.I too feel that should have told her at a much younger age if they were going to tell her at all.
Thanks again, dee dee

Dee - posted on 07/18/2014

5

0

1

Thank you so much for responding, I agree with you. I believe she would be emotionally wrecked if they told her now. My son is very protective over her, takes her to school everyday...they have a little time to talk while he drops her off and then goes to work. He really is her daddy!
.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms