how to tell my 18 yo child to stop bringing her boyfriend over

Jane - posted on 02/19/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




I have an 18 year old daughter who still lives at home. she brings home her boyfriend whom she has dated for 7 months whenever they meet. She doesn't even ask me if he can come over. She just notifies me the last minute and that drives my whole family nuts. Not just he invades but he is also anti-social. He doesn't try to make a small talk with anyone in the family. We tried to carry on a conversation and he just ends it with a simple yes or no. He won't even say hi unless my daughter tells him to do so. It's almost like my daughter is teaching a young child how to be social. We have seen him numerous times but we still feel like complete strangers. It's my daughter's personal choice to date him but no one in the family wants to see him. Is there a way to tell my daughter nicely not to bring him over?


Dove - posted on 02/19/2016




Your house, your rules... As an adult living in your home she should sign a contract w/ rules and responsibilities that you both agree on in order for her to remain in the home. If you would not allow any boyfriend over w/out... X amount of notice... then that is something to put in the contract. If it's just THIS boyfriend that you don't want to have around because he is lacking in social skills (guess what... kids that lack social skills sometimes grow up into adults that still lack them and there is NOTHING wrong w/ that.. all people are different)... too bad, deal w/ it.

As an almost 40 year old woman who is VERY uncomfortable in any and all social situations... I find it rather harsh that you would choose to hold it against someone just because they may be different. It is quite possible that your daughter has gotten to know who he is inside and has discovered that he is well worth it... whether or not he can 'appropriately' handle social situations. People w/ this disability are just as worthy of love as 'normal' people.

Sarah - posted on 02/19/2016




My 19 yo son has his first really serious GF. He is away at college, but over break he invited her many times. My house rule; no overnight guests, no opposite gender in bedroom ( he is my first so I have 3 others living in rooms nearby), and if you stay out all night you must inform me that you won't be coming home. If his GF were not such a pleasant girl, I would discuss that with my son. He could tell her then, "you need to be more polite to my parents etc"
So I guess I am saying, discuss this with your daughter. Let her know what you expect and she can relay that to her BF. He may be shy, nervous and feel like you are judging him as well. So try to start a conversation and be open and friendly. This worked well with my son's GF. She was just very nervous at first, very quiet and sort of hid behind my son. Now we get along fine.

Raye - posted on 02/19/2016




Your daughter is an adult, and can date whomever she wants. She does live in your home, so she should respect your "rules" and give notice before bringing him over, or they should stay in her room where they are not a distraction or imposition on the family. If you don't already have a contract for her to continue living in your house as an adult, and what her restrictions are for doing so, you should probably devise one. If she is not abiding by the terms laid out for her to reside at home, then she needs to be given notice to move.


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