How to tell your daughter she has a different father than her siblings?

Kayla - posted on 01/03/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )

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So here is my situation. My daughter is almost 4 years old. I was 19 years old when I became pregnant with her. Her biological father is not in the picture at all. Him and I were never in a relationship, but when I found out I was pregnant, I did the right thing and I told him about it. He immediately took off, and he has not contacted me since January 2010 (She was born March 2010), nor have I contacted him.

In December 2010, while I was 6 months pregnant, I met someone. This man and I are still together. He was with me in the delivery room when I had my daughter, and he has raised her as his own since the minute she was born. He is an amazing man, and I couldn't ask for a better father than him for my daughter.

Now, since then we have had 2 more children together. And my dilemma is when do I tell my daughter that this is not her biological father? As far as I am concerned, it is up to her when she is old enough to decide whether or not she wants to make contact with her bio dad. I will support her decision and help her if I can. But for now, all I know is I should tell her the truth, I just don't know when is best?

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Krystal - posted on 01/04/2014

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She has been really good with all of it so far and she looks at her two little sistersand older brother like they all have the same dad she if u was to see the way they play together and get along its just like they all have the same parents just sometimes she gets down and she needs a little more attention cause I can see tree hat sometimes she thinks about it n she gets upset but we talk about it and it makes her feel better. She's never acted out different with the other kids or said anything to the other kids bout having a different dad or anything to their dad bout not being hers and some kids do that but I have been lucky so car and havent had to deal with anything like that. She want angry with me at she holds itagainst her bio dad cause he was the one that left her n has nothing to do with her. Im hear to talk if u hhave any other questions just ask in know its not the easiest thing to do.

Kayla - posted on 01/04/2014

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I have definitely always planned on telling her the full truth. I would never want to hide anything from her, because kids don't deserve to be lied to. She has already asked why she looks different, and she's only 4. She has red hair and the other 2 have brown hair. Luckily, the red hair came from me (I had light red hair when I was little, now it's very dark red). So I showed her pictures of me when I was a little girl and she was happy that she looks exactly like I did when I was a little girl :)

Krystal - I am wondering if when you told your daughter, did she act out at all? Was she angry with you or the father of your other kids?

Krystal - posted on 01/03/2014

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well i have a daughter with the same situation and i waited till she asked me y she didnt look the same as her sisters and i sat her down and explained the situation to her and she understood its a very difficult topic but she did great and said when she got older that she might want to know him and asked if i would b mad and i explained to her i would help her and i completely understand and if she wanted me there for her in anyway i could be. she asked alot of questions about him and wanted to know lots of thing i was very onnest with her and showed her pics of him that i had from before she was born and she has the pics now and she still comes to me and has questions the best thing i have found to do is be completely honnest with her and answer question very lightly and tell her enough to comfort her cause at he age i dont want her to feel rejected or unwanted but she is fine the way our family is and she has came to me adn said thank you for telling her and she is very happy that she has a family that loves her and it doesnt matter that she doesnt know her real dad and maybe one day she will and shes 8 yrs old now and i told her at the age of 6.

Connie - posted on 01/03/2014

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if I was your child I would want to know as soon as possible ..the truth is the best and honesty is the heart of all families ...better to be honest than to be a hider...
hopefully a friend ...connie 518-319-5913....here if u need 2 talk...

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