how too move on from your childs father.

Alexandria - posted on 12/22/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I'm 21 years old and I'm expecting my first Lil boy in January 2015. Me and my sons father was good in the beginning. I really fell for him. But it was months into when I realized that we didn't have a tittle. We was with each other all the time. He had a key too my house we would talk on the phone for hours. But I didn't know whether I was his girl or not. I was just enjoying myself. So one day I asked him and he just told me he wasn't looking 4 a relationship or anything. I should of ran then huh? Wrong!!!! He told me he really does care for me and stuff and that he wishes he could give me what I wanted. I wish that too. I guess I stayed because I fell in love with him. I know I'm dumb. But anyways.... I got pregnant by accident it was a drunk n night. And then things changed
He started treating me like a hoe. Like I was just dirt. Hr told me he wouldn't support my pregnancy and that he didn't wanna be around for anything. He said I chooses the baby over him and his feelings. He said if I get an abortion we could go back too the way we was. He said I'll be messing up how he takes care of his 5 year old daughter and his mom. Basically that my child would be messingbup everything. He 27 and in the military. You would think that would be enough too stop me from messing with this man. Nope. We was still having sex with each other but it wasn't the same. I can't describe the feeling of it. It was different. But while we was still seeing each he tells me we should take a break and see were that gets us. But during that brake he will still spend the night and stuff and of coarse we will still sleep together. But I found out he was sleeping with someone else as well but they was boyfriend and girlfriend and stuff. I confronted her just wanting too know how long this was going on and she said for months they been together. So that broke my heart. After that I haven't seen or spoken too this man in months not until recently. He wants us too try too work it out for our son he wants to be there for our son and me. But he hasn't paid for anything. We was supposed to spilt the cost of the baby stuff too be equal but he never did. I paid for EVERYTHING. he told me he bought some stuff for the baby so we meet up so I can get his stuff. And it was only like 5 little outfits and q pack of wipes. I'm not trying too be ungrateful but uhmm that had to cost what 25 dollars. I done spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on my son which I'm okay with and he brings me that Lil stuff I was kinda mad because it wasn't nowhere near what he promised me. I'm 9 months pregnant and now I found out he's in another relationship. Which totally hurts me. I'm over preparing for my son alone with no help from nobody. But he's taking trips and jump in for relationship too relationship. I cry so much and I have so much anger built up inside that idk what too do. I took the Lil stuff he bought and dropped it outside his house. It isn't needed. He makes promises he can't keep and I'm just done getting sucked back in too his lies and he comes up short. My whole pregnancy I felt like my child wasn't wanted. I feel like something bad would happen too MW or my child because nobody wanted him....how do i over come this pain and move. My son will be here in a couple weeks and I'm still angry bout his father. Help me

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JazzyGirl - posted on 12/14/2015

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Okay and then i read the rest of this and it sounds like you do have an understanding of what's going on. If these are his actions now as far as when it comes to your child unreliable and you've pulled all the weight so far then you know what to expect in the future from him. He has used you as his doormat don't let him do it again no matter how convincing it sounds. seems to me like you're over it and you're not going back anyway which is good in your case. I'm not saying hate him which is never okay to hold a grudge, but you need to move on. Let all that hurt go and focus on what's most important right now your child. When that little boy comes into the world you're whole life will change and nothing else will matter. You need to find strength within yourself in order to be strong for him. He will need it and some day regardless of what happens between you and this guy, whether he decides to play apart of the father role or not. Your son will look back on all that you have done and appreciate it. Trust me I know, my little boy is just 5 and already expresses it in his own way. Just about a week ago I was folding the laundry and he said mommy I love it when you fold my clothes, and I know that it may sound silly. But I felt appreciated. I couldn't help but smile as I looked at him and said that's my job Baby. Because in the end that's what counts is that you're putting in all your effort to what matters most.

JazzyGirl - posted on 12/14/2015

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Okay I read the beginning of this and then stopped that's all i needed to hear. This boiled down to just one thing he loved the sex, if you haven't already you need to drop him unless he plans on stepping up and being apart of this child's life. which it doesn't sound like that's he seems immature, but who am I to judge. You can make that call on your own. Anyway you don't need two to go down on a sinking ship. So if he's not helping he's hindering you. You are a mom now you make the choice. Whenever he's ready to be a dad he'll come around. Playtime is over time to get your priorities in order. You seem smart enough to figure it all out that's why I'm giving it to you straight. It's no longer about him and his dumb choices. It's now about you and the decisions you will make for your child.

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