How would you handle this ?

Tracy - posted on 10/30/2011 ( 31 moms have responded )

5

40

0

I have an issue I consider serious , my childs father has a friend who both insist isn't a "girlfriend" and neither one want that type of relationship , yet she comes to my home and mothers my child , and has done it publically several times as well , I have asked her to stop .. repeatedly and finally told her to leave my home last sunday .. my childs father acts like there is no issue and left me home and went to the park with Her my child and hers. How would you handle this?
I am at a lost I feel I am not respected and that my feelings are not valid. (Backround I am supposed to be in a commited relationship , we live together with our child .

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

If he's not your ex... what the hell is he doing hanging out w/ and choosing this other woman over you? Yeah.... that chick has to GO... or he does. Totally not cool and extremely disrespectful to you. I'm sorry you have to deal w/ that at all.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/30/2011

21,273

9

3058

I would be pretty pissed off. I would sit down without the kids around and set boundries. I am not sure why your ex has the nerve to bring this women over to your home. I don't care if they are friends, fuck buddies, or in the closet about their relationship. That is senseless. If they are not "together" officially, there is not need for her to be coming around and playing mommy to your kid.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/30/2011

21,273

9

3058

Well, if he is not going to oblige with your rules, then supervise his visits. It is your home, you can tell her she is not invited in during his time with his children. By invite only.

[deleted account]

Well... it's been 3.5 years, so it DID take me a while to get to this point and it helps ME (but sucks for them) that they only see her and their dad a couple times a year.

You should've heard the thoughts in my head when my girls returned from after their summer 2010 visit calling her mommy and ME Teresa. Yeah, those thoughts weren't too pretty. lol They still refer to her as mommy when they are there though... which I don't like, but it is SO not worth making any drama over... and they come back referring to ME as Mommy since I (nicely) discussed it w/ the girls.

[deleted account]

Ditto Marina, my ex has brought the other woman w/ him to my house a couple of times to pick up the kids (hard to avoid since neither of them actually LIVE here), but she had the good sense to stay in the car. I can't, personally, stand the woman, but she's good to my kids and they love her... so, of course, she's going to be doing 'mommy duty' when they are w/ her, but at MY house or when I am around.... hell no, that's my job/turf.

31 Comments

View replies by

Amanda - posted on 11/04/2011

2,559

3

366

Wow thats a new one.. a restraining order for a woman who might or might not be stepping over the line of a friend helping out a friend line. Im a tad confused on all of this.

Are you dating this guy now?
Are you sure shes not just trying to be friendly and be your friend?

Sometimes us woman over react when it comes to woman around our men, and our children. Sometimes woman actually have no intention of sleeping with your man, and actually genuinely like your man as a friend and would also like to be your friend. Just saying because I truely cant tell what the full story is here.

Rachaelpriddy - posted on 11/01/2011

1

0

0

I SAY HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU AND IF HE IS WITH U, HE DON'T NEED TO BE HANGIN AROUND ANOTHER WOMEN ANYWAYZ WITOUT U THERE!!!ALSO SHE IS NOT THE MOTHER U ARE SO SHE NEEDS TO RESPECT THAT AND EVEN IF IT WAS TO FORM TO SOMETHING THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT OR HAVE TOGETHER . IF THE OTHER WOMEN AIN'T MARRIED TO THE BABY DADDY SHE STILL SHOULD HAVE NO SAY! THAT IS JUST MY THOUGHTS BUT I WOULD NEVER GO FOR IT IN MY HOME U NEED TO SIT UR RULES AND IF HE CAN'T RESPECT IT THEN U NEED TO LEAVE IT'S BETTER TO BE ALONE THEN DEALIN WIT THE DRAMA !! I HATE TO SEE THIS AND IT'S REALLY NO WAY TO STOP IT UNLESS U CUT HER OUT COMPLETELY BUT IF U LEAVE HE WILL STILL BE AROUND HER AND SHE WILL STILL DO WHAT SHE DOES AROUND U SO REALLY NEED TO THINK THIS THREW !MY HUBBY SAYS TO DO IT BACK TO HIM TO SEE HOW HE FEELS BUT I MIGHT ADD THIS MAY CONFUSS THE CHILD .HOW OLD IS THE CHILD?

Melissa - posted on 10/31/2011

22

9

2

if he's your man he souldn't be out with ANY other woman if she's not a friend to you, if you don't like her and he's your man you need to let him know that that is YOUR kids and if he wants to stay YOUR man he needs to not see this woman. and if he's your ex then shit tell the bitch to back off your kid, your the momma and thats that, tell her if she wants to mother go push one out her self! I would not be cool with that at all.

Cynthia - posted on 10/31/2011

1

6

0

I did not allow my ex husband in my house when we were divorced. I have 4 children. He pick them up. We would talk on the phone regarding children but the relationship was broken so I was unwilling to be involved.

[deleted account]

If neither one of these adults are listening to you in your own home, then get a restraining order against the woman, because who cares what this woman is to your 'man'. She is trying to move in on your child, right in front of you. Stop her, then you can have the police pick her the hell off your property...You want her away from your child.

Deborah - posted on 10/31/2011

4

18

0

I am sorry you are going through this but if he really loved and respected you as a partner and mother he would not let his "friend" interfere with your relationship or your mothering of your child. If he and his "friend" are not prepared to sit down and listen to your concerns and change their behavior then you MUST do what you see is healthy for you and your child even if that means leaving him or kicking him out. Look after yourself and your child. Contact family, friends, neighbors or even old school teachers for support, advice and help if you are concerned about ending the relationship with him. What he is doing is not respectful. Good luck in whatever road you choose to take.

Kelina - posted on 10/31/2011

2,018

9

235

Ok I'm guessing by committed relationship you mean he's your boyfriend? I agree with one of the other moms, would not fly in my house and my hubby knows it. If he took someone elses side, especially a womans and then went somewhere with her and our kids, I'd change the locks and he could walk to his parents house.(it's a half hour drive) Not cool. Now I do parent other peoples kids, but I always tell them to tell me if I am stepping on toes which you've said she is and you've said it to her. She needs to respect your rights as a parent. And your SO needs to respect your rights as a parent AND your thoughts, feelings and opinions as a partner. Otherwise he's not worth your time.

Linda - posted on 10/31/2011

1

0

0

If the man is'nt married to you he's not commited, sounds like he has two women,its stand your ground or move on.

Debi - posted on 10/31/2011

6

0

0

Sounds weird to me based on the limited information. They could truly be just friends and he may be her sounding board. So they stroll to through the park with the kids and chat. But if it happens more than every once in awhile, I would have to think a little harder about the whole living situation. Can you take the opportunity to do something totally for yourself when they take your child out... Like oh good, I'm going shopping for a new pair of shoes, or get a pedicure. Sometimes, it's a case of -- take the audience away (you) and the actors (them) will stop acting. This could just be a performance, perhaps even subconsciously... Try taking advantage of your time and see what that does. Give it a couple tries

Eva - posted on 10/31/2011

50

5

7

How old is your child? How is her relationship w/the father?

My first thought...kick him to the curb and change the locks.

SHERRY - posted on 10/30/2011

13

8

0

it sounds like she the ( girlfriend) is trying to take a big part of your little girls life .And do not belive that they are not boyfriend and girlfriend for some reason they don't want to amit the truth. if they are lieing to you about that what eles are they lieing to you about. be careful now a days you can not trust anyone watch your little girl they may be planning something thats just a thought good luck

Amy - posted on 10/30/2011

6,467

33

2386

How exactly do you classify this relationship with the childs father, are you two together? If you two arent together or dating I'm not sure why you would allow this other person in your home. If he's there to spend time with his daughter why does this "friend" need to be there?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/30/2011

21,273

9

3058

Teresa, you are a better and bigger person than me!

Tracy - posted on 10/30/2011

5

40

0

He's not my X ... and trying to stress boundaries with Him about her , I am dismissed .. they are friends she is not My friend .. he met her invited her into our home when we were having issues and continued a friendship with her. I have tried to remain peaceful and decent about it . However in my mind its come to a head , I told him tonight .. he can visit all he wishes with her .. without me or our child. .. Stress ugh

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/30/2011

21,273

9

3058

Teresa, I love that you said "personally, stand the woman, but she's good to my kids and they love her... so, of course, she's going to be doing 'mommy duty' when they are w/ her, but at MY house or when I am around.... hell no, that's my job/turf."

That is awesome that you know your boundries, and can fully acknowledge that she is an important part of the kids lives. She will never be their mom, but it is great that you can allow her to do "mommy duty" and not get upset about it...beings that you cannot stand her. Kudos to you!

Jennifer - posted on 10/30/2011

714

1

28

Wouldn't fly in my house. She'd be gone, and if he followed her, fine, but his key wouldn't work when he returned!

Sharlene - posted on 10/30/2011

3,896

241

825

Ok you's can love or hate but this my opininon as step mother to3 children and 4 kids of my own,my ex remarried my two oldest call his wife aunty only then my 3 step children call me aunty sharlene .You have to make it clear to your daughter that your her only mother. I dont know if this helps good luck.cheers

[deleted account]

Hey lady, back off when I am w/ my OWN kid! When I'm not around, fine play 'Mommy', but when I am HERE... piss off!

OK, I wouldn't really say THAT, but your post ticked me off for you. Good luck!

Stifler's - posted on 10/30/2011

15,141

154

604

yeah I would have a go at the dad about her "not being his girlfriend" yet acting like a step mum. gotta be confusing for your kid.

Sharlene - posted on 10/30/2011

3,896

241

825

Hi , You need to sit down with your daughter's father and tell him how you feel about this .And was the other women a good friend of yours ?

Tracy - posted on 10/30/2011

5

40

0

Mothering .. meaning correcting , insisting she take my child to the restroom in public , running to her aid when I am already comforting her

Stifler's - posted on 10/30/2011

15,141

154

604

What do you mean "mothers your child"? Is she rousing on her for doing things or what?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms