how young is too young to have children ?

Casey - posted on 07/17/2014 ( 6 moms have responded )

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How young is too young to have children (if you believe there is such an age)
I am 20 turning 21 next month my boyfriend is 29 we became serious with one another almost instantly and have been committed since. We shortly moved in with each other after we started dating and have now been together almost 2yrs. I always wanted kids in my mid-late 20s. While he has always wanted a family by the time he was 30. Within the next couple years or so I can see ourselves getting married and getting our own home.
At times I'm scarred to get pregnant before 25 but at the same time I've always know I was meant to have children (if that makes sense). I get such an overwhelming excitement thinking about having something we have made together that's ours.
What is you outlook at having kids in your 20's ?
We both work full time and I'm currently going for my associates degree. We both graduated high school and have both lived outside of our parents home since we were 18. (Making us very independent)
How old were you when you got pregnant ?
Are you happy with the age you had your baby ?

6 Comments

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Casey - posted on 07/17/2014

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Oh no we'd get married before we even tried to conceive. More than likely we will tie the know within the next few years

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/17/2014

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Under the age of 20. However, I don't recommend that you have children with just a boyfriend. A committed relationship is better.

I had been married 4 years and was 24 with my first, 27 with my second. Now been married 25 years, still same man, our children were the 'weird' ones because their parents were still married.

Casey - posted on 07/17/2014

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Thank you for your post helped a lot on giving me some insight. We get looks all the time about our age difference which I don't find to bother me the slightest. I knew what I was getting into when we started dating and that'd he'd want kids sooner than later because he was about to hit his 30s. I've never been into drinking or going out. And many of my friends I lost contact with since they moved and started college so I really don't habe anything I'd be losing if we had a kid. AND my bf has been past his going out phase since a good few years ago.

Guest - posted on 07/17/2014

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My situation was very similar to yours.
I was 19 when I met my husband, and he was 30.....that's a pretty big deal when you are that young, but it doesn't matter so much now that we are 34 and 45 (and still happily married and parenting our 9 year old boy). He proposed when I was 21 years old, after two years of dating, and we wed when I was 22 and he was 33. My husband is an engineer, and he had planned our lives to a tee--he wanted children before he was too old to be an active father, I wanted to experience my 20's, and neither of us were even completely sure we wanted kids at all, so our compromise was to evaluate our lives and relationship when I was 25 and he'd be 36 to consider TTC.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depends on how you look at it). there was a wedding the year after we got married (I was only 23), and somehow he and I got stuck watching his 1 year old nephew. He was SO STINKING CUTE!!!!

That night, back at our hotel, my Plan-Every-Moment husband told me he might be ready to embark on parenthood. It was a shock, and I told him I would consider it. Over the next few days, I really thought about it, and decided that, yes, I did want to be a mother, and I couldn't really think of anything I needed to be child free to experience in my 20's. I was already married, so I wasn't going out to party every weekend to find a mate--I did have nights out with my girls, but because I was married, my husband would be able to watch our child, and I could watch the child when he went out with his guys. We are very lucky to have both is mother and mine local, so we would also be able to go out ourselves a couple times a month without the baby. We were financially secure enough that I could continue to work and pay for childcare or stay at home if I chose--I NEVER envisioned myself as a sahm, but I liked having the option because you never know how you are going to feel in the future. I decided it was okay to start TTC.

Now, that said, my perception of life after baby was WAY different than life after baby actually is. For starters, there was a whole new realm of arguments--why aren't you spending enough time with baby, why am I changing ALL the diapers, it is YOUR turn to get up tonight, you NEED to call if you are going to be late, I never get to sit down, I run around the house all day and get nothing accomplished!!!!!!!!!
That first year was rough. I didn't even WANT to go out, much less miss doing so. I lost contact with a lot of my friends, and often felt very isolated and alone. My husband and I would sometimes go up to 3 weeks without having sex because we were both so exhausted, and so emotionally disconnected. We couldn't find the balance between all three of our roles--professional, partner, parent. Partner was the role that was most easily shafted, so we grew apart.

Eventually though, we found our balance. We went to a marriage counsel who told us to FORCE ourselves to spend time as a couple. To go out on actual dates--where we had to talk to each other--rather than just watching a movie at home and waiting for the baby to cry. I developed a schedule for our lives that included time for socialization--and I went out and socialized whether I felt like it or not (at first, I certainly did NOT want to go, but once I got there, surrounded by my friends, I ALWAYS felt better and it quickly became something I look forward to.) I also made time for baby socialization because while I love my childless friends, I also need people around me who are at a similar place in live and have the same concerns and values that I have. I set aside time to clean when hubby could watch baby so that I wasn't running around picking up one mess while our son ripped apart the room I'd just finished cleaning--the mess will wait, and you can clean it up in 15 minutes if you aren't chasing the kid around.

Our kid is 9 years old now, I am 34, and my husband is 45, and we are all very, very happy. We did decide that we are ONE kid kind of people. We are not doing that again, but we are very happy we did it this once.

So, only you can decide when you are ready to become a parent. I don't think there is a right age number, but perhaps a right place in life. If you are financially secure (babies are VERY expensive), and have a very strong, solid relationship you are in a good place. A few things to consider before you TTC, make sure you are on the same page in terms of parenting philosophy and discipline, you should agree on religious affiliation for the child before TTC because that can be VERY important for some, even those who barely practice their faith at all. Also, make sure you are both willing to work on the relationship if it starts to fall apart--if he is one of those guys who refuses to ask for help or refuses to do something he isn't "emotionally into" your relationship will fail.

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