hownto get a 13 yo to do her homework and stop lying about it.

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Guest - posted on 10/02/2014

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I guess I don't understand why you are asking to see the homework....

Does she WANT to be an A/B student? If she doesn't want those grades, it will be difficult to force her to earn them. Does she need those grades to achieve future goals, such as college, or has she set goals that are not academically dependent, such as trade school? If she doesn't need A's and B's to reach her goals, there really will not be any reason for her to work hard to get them.

Maybe sit down with her and reevaluate her goals and how important good grades are in achieving those goals. Try to encourage her to set more academically dependent goals by explaining how she will have more options if she is more adequately prepared and educated.

JoAnn - posted on 10/02/2014

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I do ask to see it, then she will say she don't have any homework..she gets angry when I look at her agenda. She hasn't been writing her homework in there. I went to parent/teacher nite and they are supposed to be sending a report to me by email to show me what is missing
The average of the grades she has done is very good. The zeros for the missing homework is bringing her grades down. She has potential to be an A/B student.

Guest - posted on 10/01/2014

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I don't think the fact that she is not doing her homework is the problem. I think the problem is more likely the low grades she is producing as a result of not doing her homework. I mean, if she was making all A's, but not doing her homework, would you still be upset that she was skipping it?

I do not see it as my responsibility to make sure my son does his homework--that is his responsibility. I do see it as my responsibility to give him the tools and knowledge he needs to produce good grades (the grades he wants and needs in order to fill his adulthood goals), and one of the ways I do that is though creating consequences for his actions that teach him how to improve himself.

Our school has a website where I can look at his grades, so If I see that he made an 85 on his spelling test, for example, I can say, "Hey, your grades reflect that you need additional focus in spelling right now, this week, you need to write a sentence for each word on your list, creating a mnemonic device to help you remember the spelling and meaning."
Now, my son doesn't like the extra work, but he knows that if he wants to go to the college of his choice, and excel in his career, he needs good grades. Thus, when an additional assignment is needed, he'll do it, but most of the time, he realizes on his own that he is struggling in a particular subject before the test, and he will figure out a way to improve on his own in order to avoid the extra assignments from me (because mine are harder than his).

Essentially, just remind her what her long term goals are, and help her achieve them. If she has a goal that she really cares about to work toward, she'll work toward it on her own, you just have to guide her. Make doing the homework part of achieving the goal.

Jodi - posted on 10/01/2014

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Well, you can't take responsibility for everything. However, how about contacting her teachers and asking them to let you know when her assignments are due so you can follow up on them. Also, ask her to show you her homework.

JoAnn - posted on 10/01/2014

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I have tried everthing... she lies that she doesnt have any, and she lies and says it is all done. She is not taking responsibility for her homework.

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