Hubby is not fair to the kids What can I do????

Melissa - posted on 10/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




My husband and I have 7 kids between us. I have 3 he has 3 and we have one together. The problem is that he thinks he can say anything to my kids, take things away from them and treat them like his and the other kids slaves but if I say one wrong thing to his kids then he threatens to leave. I have gotten to the point that I really don't care if he does or not. He hasn't been like a husband in more than 3 years. we are more like roommates than anything else. He never consults me about decisions with the kids. We have not slept together in almost 4 years. and we have only been together for 6 years

He treats his kids like royalty and mine like scum. His 13 yr old son couldn't be found one day after school because he was under the bleachers with a girl and they weren't studying! He goes and buys him a cell phone as a reward. this was a year ago. I have a 12 y old daughter and she wants a phone now. He told her he will not get her one but he gets his 10 yr old daughter one for her birthday. My 10 yr old son has to pick up his stepbrother's dirty underwear and if he doesn't do it he gets grounded for a week. There is just so much that happens i really cant type it all.

Here is my problem....I only get a small check each month for my disability and dont have the money to go out on my own

Do i just suck it up and take this crap or do i get the courage to get out???????


Bobbie - posted on 10/07/2012




I think you are realizing the emotional damage this has on your children. Sadly, the amount of damage you think his actions and words cause them are just the tip of the iceberg. At this developmental age he is destroying their sense of self, worth and trust. You may find that they are trusting you less and less as well. Your non-action is a sign to them that they are in fact not worthy of fair treatment and love by this man. If he has been with you for 6 six years that 1/2 of their lives.


Disability~Your disability entitles you to so much more than you realize.

you would not be destitute by any stretch of the imagination if you left him.

Look into the disability guidelines and make some calls in your area. There are many ways in which disability is able to assist you in living alone with your children.

Child Support

As a single parent you would have four children with you. The father of the three doesn't pay child support? Is there a father named on all three of their birth certificates? If there is then your first step would be to immediately require social services assistance to gain child support for those three. In all states a mother can not sign away her children's right to support. If you have struck some kind of verbal deal with their dad/dads or written down anything about him not having to pay it doesn't matter.

The child you two had together would be at issue for custody and support. Is your disability short term? Due to mental or physical illness? If mental illness your divorce lawyer will need to provide good info to support you having your youngest with you. If it is long term physical disability I can tell you first hand that it is more difficult to be in your situation that you think. I am disabled with Crohns and multiple physical side effects from the illness. A strong sense of self worth, positive attitude and active mind and body is needed to feel better every day. You may feel battered down because of this very destructive marriage you find yourself in. You may feel as if you aren't strong enough to carry on with the children without his help and income. To that I can only say that you have to make some choices that are based on your children's needs and their happiness. Putting their right to a loving environment of emotional support and kindness in front of the need to be supported and not having to put forth any mental or physical effort to raise them.

I sense that being on your own with three kids was so difficult that you too quickly took the chance to get in a relationship with him thinking it would bring you the emotional and financial support to make life be more manageable and not such a struggle. Seems that way if it the passion burned out so quickly. I think you said after two years. No matter if that is the case or not the result is that he has failed you as a loving husband and is taking out his anger on you and your children. They are the ones suffering for his disenchantment with the marriage.

Husband and Wife relationship

If you two haven't slept together there is no physical intimacy or emotional closeness. He could possibly be unfaithful. If you don't care then this seems to be a loveless, hurtful, arrangement based solely on being able to live a certain lifestyle but that isn't working for your kids.

Think about contacting all the resources in your area and information first hand on what is available to you on support, social security added benifits of free housing or nearly free housing, paid utilities, and the many programs they have in place for people unable to return to work. You don't have to choose between poverty and negative home life.


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Melissa - posted on 10/07/2012




I have brought that up and he doesn't think we need it. We tried it once before and all he did was talk about his EX wife and the reason why they got divorced and that they were never going to agree on anything with the kids

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