Jennifer - posted on 06/19/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )
My first husband, the bio father of my first two kids was a horrible person. Thank goodness I was able to get the kids away from that situation and remarry. When my oldest (Curtis) about 4, and my second (Olivia) was 3, my hubby adopted them. Curtis was 2.5 the last time he saw his bio father and Olivia was just barely 1. I'm pretty sure Curtis remembers some of it, but I doubt Olivia does. I don't think he remembers enough to put 2 and 2 together, but certainly enough that he's probably confused. I wanted to be open with the kids the whole time. I didn't want them to ever feel like we are trying to hide something from them, but DH has been so dead set against saying anything. I honestly don't know why, but he's afraid that as soon as we tell them about it, they are going to want to find my ex (who's probably in prison). This isn't something I can just go behind my husband's back about, so I haven't said anything to the kids even though in my heart I feel it is wrong to not tell them. Last week, Curtis had his 7-year check up. The doc started asking questions about family history, since my ex had marfan's syndrome. She kept asking a bunch of questions that I couldn't answer, and she asked if I could find out. I finally just had to flat out tell her that the bio father wasn't in the picture and I didn't know where he was. She and I had become a little close after my youngest had a lot of health issues this last winter, and she asked (more out of a friend asking in concern) if my ex could ever come back to fight for the kids and I had to tell her no, my husband has adopted them, right in front of my son. After leaving the office, I called my husband and told him all about it and said that we really need to sit down with the kids and explain this. His answer was that he doesn't think Curtis would have realized what we were saying in the office, and we shouldn't sit down and talk. Seriously! I flat out in front of my son, had to say no the biological father isn't around and my husband has adopted them. My son is not slow in anyway, and I'm certain he knew exactly what we were saying. I'm sure the poor little boy is so confused now if he wasn't already, and we really need to sit down with him. I don't feel right doing it behind my husband's back, but what else can I do?