Morgan - posted on 11/13/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )
My Husband and I are expecting our 3rd child. We were a bit surprised and wanted to maybe wait a little bit longer, but we always knew that we wanted a 3rd little one. At this point we know how it happens and we weren't really preventing it, so I guess that we shouldn't be too surprised. :) We currently have two little boys, 3.5 years old and a 12 months old. I felt the need to reach out for the first time to vent and get feedback and input from you other Mommies out there. I feel like my husband is hurt when I go to him with this issue, because he assumes that I don't like his family. I am frustrated and hurt by my in-laws, both my Mother (MIL) and Father in-law (FIL) and my Brother (BIL) and Sister in-law (SIL). The history is this: On our first pregnancy...it was unexpected and my husband and I were not married at the time. However, after the initial shock, we were thrilled, we were 27 years old, in a committed and secure relationship, and financially stable, so we felt that all would be ok and saw that pregnancy as an unexpected gift. I could not imagine my life without my sweet 3 year old boy. However, when we told my future in-laws my FIL's first reply to my future husband was, "is it yours?". How is this at all an appropriate response? I kind of laughed it off at the time but it has always bothered me. To add to it my future SIL was also pregnant and due a month before me. My BIL called my MIL after finding out our news and asked that they not treat his wife any less special because this was something that she wanted for a long time and now she had to "share" her moment. I was shocked at this reaction. This happiness couldn't be shared? Fast forward to baby number two. My MIL and FIL reacted more appropriately to that news. But when my Husband told my BIL his reaction was, "Well we may have them close together again because we are trying too." Great! Could he have possibly said congratulations??? He never did, neither did my SIL. Later we found out that they had been trying for several months and were worried because nothing had happened. But were we not aware at the time and I was really hurt. Skip ahead to present day. They are still not pregnant. My BIL was diagnosed with a varicocele (a type of varicose vein located in the testicles) this is thought to be causing them fertility issues. A couple of months ago he had it surgically removed and they are hopeful that this helps them get pregnant. I have expressed to them that while I can not really understand, I am here for them and I am sure it must be difficult. Even though they have a 3 year old little boy, I know they would like to give him a sibling and add to their family. I have tried to be thoughtful and aware of their feelings. So I am wondering is it wrong that deep down I am really hurt that they cannot muster up any type of congratulations for me once again? I feel like my in-laws are so concerned with waiting on news from them that they were not that excited for us. My husband went and told my BIL one on one to be respectful of their feelings. My BIL told my husband that it is a happy thing and we don't have to tiptoe around them. But the fact that neither my BIL or SIL has reached out to congratulate me, contradicts that statement. I am not sure how to act. I truly believe that they will have another child again, they are 28 years old, they do have some time, and I think it will work out for them. When it does we will all do backflips with excitement. In the meantime I am sad that I feel like we can't celebrate us a little. My family lives far away and husband's family is all I have out here and I wish things could be different between us. But right now I don't even want to be around them. Am I wrong? Am I not being sensitive enough? Really I want honest thoughts and feedback because I am driving myself crazy and I don't want to cause problems with my husband over this.