Hurting 30 Year Old Daughter Will Not Talked To Me and Convienced My 18 Year Old Son To Move In With Her

Jeannie - posted on 03/31/2014 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I am hurting. I lived in another state and moved back to the state my daughter lived in to help her, because she lost her son, he was 21/2. I came to her house for vacation and felt she needed me to help her. Her life was out of control with finances, my granddaughter was also ill (had a feedtube), she was not growing, communicating was very low for her age. She weight 16 lbs at 2. So, I helped them get a condo, to get of out of their high rent apartment (which I co-signed on as well) and then I bought a condo in the same community, were about 3 minutes apart. I gave her and her husband over 30K, to get back on their feet, pay off check companies, car payments, rent, you name it, I did it. When I moved I separated from my husband and I have two children that was left at home (17 & 13 - now 18 and 14). My daughter does not like my husband and she knows he would have not approved of giving her all that money. Well, my husband moved to my city and we worked on our relationship, we were together 11 years, and really love each other. We also set up visitation with him, while we were working on things, since my 17 & 13, have only know him as a father figure, since their Dad in not in the picture and never has been. My daughter did not approve and felt I needed her permission to allow her brother and sister to see him. He also went in the hospital and she was so angry with me, because I was there when he had an operation. Things had become very stained between my daughter and her husband and me. I came to the point that I had no more many to give, I ran up all my credit cards to the limit and on top of it my daughter and son in law both were not working. There electric had been turned off, cable turned off, rent late and I always bailed them out. My son in law had not worked for 5 months and went back to school, I paid for his books, I paid for my daughter books, she is getting her masters, but push came to shove when I ran out of money. I was even going to take on a 2nd job, so I could keep supporting 2 families. Then my 17 year old son said to me, enough my stop, they need to support themselves. So when my daughter or son in law called me for money, I told them I did not have any, which was the truth. I was just trying to keep my head above water and pay my bills. My daughter and son in law has not talked to me for little over 5 months. The last time I saw them was on my 50 Birthday, and I had to buy the cake. They will not allow me to see my granddaughter, who is now 3 years old, which breaks my heart. When I was giving them money, she spent the night at my house all the time. Now, my daughter told me by an email, she did not want her daughter hurt. I have never hurt her and never would. My daughters in laws are crazy and has called Children Services on them and even had a 20K life insurance policy on my grandson that died. My son in laws dad said he would pay for the funeral and then never did and pocketed the money. If I did those things I would understand why I could not see my granddaughter and why my daughter hates me, but I have not. She even wrote an email to me in December, when I tried to wish her a 30th birthday, that she wished I would have put her up for adoption and that I would not have been her mother, along with many other hurtful things. My husband moved back into my home in December, I could not see her for Christmas, but as I said they only live 3 minutes away. I continued to left my daughter now 14 and son now 18, continue their relationship with their sister. Never talking about their visits and basically, just trying to keep things calm. My daughter keep telling my kids that I would keep them from her, which I made sure did not happen. Then this past Saturday at 4 am in the morning, I heard the door open, I ran down stairs to find my son's suitcase with all his clothes. He came into the door and I asked him what he was doing, I am moving to my sisters, I just do not feel comfortable her anymore. This was the soon that told me to stop giving her money. She has told him so many lies. So I stayed as calm as I could, since I was in shock. I explained it was OK if he wanted to move out, but it was not the right thing to not tell me. He told me he was going write me text. I talked with him for about hour and we talked about the things that were bothering him. We discussed the lies my daughter had told him and how I loved him and would always be there to support him and if things did not work out, he always had a home with me. My daughter and son in law got married and did not invite me, they only had 2 friends there. It really hurt. I told my soon I hope that when he gets married and has kids I can be there and see them, he told me yes, but I do not know. He wants to go to college, but has not applied and has no job. I am now just heart sick, I have not heard from him in 2 days and I pray, he will talk to me again, but I just do not know. My heart is broken and I can not sleep, I just do not know where to turn. My daughter that is still at home, seems fine and our house is calmer, because my son is not saying nasty comments to me. I hope someone has advise for me, that will some how help.

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