Sarah - posted on 04/09/2013 ( 14 moms have responded )
I am a 38 yr old 10yrs married. My problem is my habit of saying the truth and following principles. My husband shows care for me with his words. I show care for him with words and actions. My husband fulfils my wishes and demands, but when a matter of comparison comes he gives priority to his mother. After marriage he was working hard to save for our future, which took him 2yrs to build our own house and 5yrs to buy car... Now we started a rough saving plan for our only child but his sister who asked him for money 6yrs ago $2400 to pay her own debt is not yet fully paid until now and started only to pay on installment just lsat yr..but still my ambisous sis in law keep on living her luxurious life she ..keep on buying things for their home rather than paid us... My husband also contributes #200 monthly to his mother as an allowance same amount what he gave me monthly... Once i'am the one needy to buy things keep on saying unlikely words and insisting me to save money . My dispute is that why does he spent all on his parents/sisters and when the time comes, for me his wife ..he had no money ..and nothing is left for me? .He is the only working and since she cant afford nanny im the one who set back and do the housewife material.. But is it justifiable that he is the earner and im helping save money for our future desires and when we have it, his alowing his parents to ask for the savings which we have done, inspite of the fact that my husband gives a monthly share to them.
Also an issue came. 6yrs ago . My mother in law neighbor was borrowing money from them but since they have no regular income they help the neignbor to ask from husband coz at that time we have many extra budget saving for our house extension.., without my knowledge my husband lend them money and promised them to pay for certain time....it just come out when we visit in laws one time..the neighbor saw me and kept on thanking me from helping them..maybe they didint know that i didnt knew the borrowing issue..its not that i dont want to help..its just that they hide that to me..what do they think of me..?? a fool one who will not discover any secrets like that?? im surprised and shocked when neighbor told me..and for my in laws not to be embarassed..i told neighbor ok i understand what i dislike most is hiding money matters) and I was told barely weeks after they borrowed... and when i asked just the only time they admitted to me..
I was heart broken. My trust was destroyed. My sense of security was destroyed. My husband says that he will compensate for this. But can broken trust be compensated with money? I told my husband that your mother hide to me and him my husband too.. and that this kind of tradition i dislike from my in laws keep they on hiding secrets..even im just the housewife and not earning money its my right to know everything isnt it???. He then told me how bruttaly frank i amfor calling his mother so disrespectful to me. I think that no law or no religion says to apologize for speaking the truth. I told him that the compensation would be to go to his mother and tell her in a decent way that this practice was wrong on her part to intrude in our money matters even if they knew we have lots savings..bec its our decision to lend anyone and not them..
Please guide in this regard, keeping in mind that I have given every possible respect to my mother in law, never raised my voice in front of her, and at the same time she has given me due respect when we see face to face..but when im not present they keep on intruding to my husband decision..and her attitude is unfair between me and her other daughter in law, which I constantly tell my husband, but he says that its out of his hands...because im 10yrs in their family but they keep on avoiding me to help in the kitchen and other housechores..but with my new sis in law they her to cook and clean the house..
I feel that if he cannot give me due place in his family and always says that it’s not in his hands. Then he should stay in his mother house, and me stay in our own house where I can protect my respect and from then on he should inform me anything about our money matters.. but this is taken as a evil thought by him and he says that I want quarrels to develop in his family by saying this.
I feel great hatred for my husband because his attitude was unfair and angry with me, beat me most of the time everytime i said something true about his mother and siblings. Now this has happened, I also hate his mother and siblings also bec last yr we are hospitalized me and my 3yo adopted daughter bec of dengue for a week(wednesday to monday)..most of them didnt showed up in the hospital ( even in our home when we where discharged ) evenjust for a minute except for mother/father/1 uncle/1 aunt in law (from my husband side) while 80 persons on my side...but the baptism of my bro in law son was being attended most of their relatives.. they treat us differently..they have a special treatment to their newly born grandson "their full blooded new grandson" just compairing. because all along I have been treating her as my mother, but now I am depressed bec of them. I cannot imagine to go and visit them that often since the hospital issue ...and just recently my sisiter in law borrowed dresses to me she told me she will used it in her seminar but when i saw the pix on facebook she just used my expensive dress in ordinary event of her kids..considering she has worked and her husband too..me im the housewife but still too wise for her to borrowed from me my limit number of dress,,
May God guide me. I beg to God for guidance. I may not be a very good human. But I follow all the basic christian actions. I am destroyed mentally. I also hate my husband for spoiling my in laws. My husband has spoiled all the major events of my life, bec most of the time im absent with my relatives occasions just to pay visit to his family...
How can I force myself to visit and attend their occasion?. They has broken my trust. He always tries to backfire and put the blame on me by reminding me of saying hurtful talks about his family which is for thats the reality..They were keep on repeating mistakes..disrespects me and abuse my kindness to them..
I have to obey my husband’s orders but what am I supposed to do when my husband’s orders are only those to please his mother and family. If I want to go some where and initially my husband agrees and later refuses because his mother tell him he missed him and wanted us to visit us and sometimes cry and ask for mercy .. Am I supposed to give him his rights when he exerts his effort to his mother’s wishes?
I pray to God to take my life and free me from all the hearaches of this world.