husband cheat, child born

Christliew - posted on 08/17/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I found husband cheat 7 years ago, a child 6 years old was born then.
He told he do not love the woman but have to take responsible of the child.
He request to meet them a few times in a year. He send money to them.
What can I do? What should I do? I need lots of advice.........Please help........

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Ev - posted on 08/17/2013

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THere is nothing you can do but work out your marriage with your husband. He does have a responsiblity to that child just as he does yours. He has to take care of this child like he or she was in his home with him. Even if they do not have a court agreement for child support and visitation, he is still obligated to do this. If they work out that child support/vistation on their own more power to them. All you can do is be supportive of him if it does go to court and all. You are now a step mom to a child that did not ask to be brought into the world. It is not this child's fault that your husband cheated on your with his or her mother. Do not make this child suffer for their indiscretion.

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Sandi - posted on 08/18/2013

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I would refer to the child as "my husband's son/daughter", but never as my step child. This woman has no relationship with the child. Blurring the lines of a relationship isn't healthy.

Sandi - posted on 08/18/2013

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Based on what he said, it's time for you to get your affairs in order so you can move on with your life. This has not happened to me, but it's happened to MANY women. So don't feel like you're alone. Some are able to forgive and work it out, some are not able to do that. In time, you'll be fine.

Ev - posted on 08/18/2013

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Even still, if there is nothing left of your marriage then you need to decide to stay or go. But that child is still going to need care, food, shelter, and other necessities just as much as the one you had with him. Would you begrudge a child that? He was the one that went out and did this and he has to pay for his choices. Only he is forcing your child to pay for them too by taking away the family he or she has known. Its up to you to decide what is best for you but know this: Divorce is ugly as is child custody. If this lady takes him to court first for child support before you, she will get the greater amount of support for her child than you would for yours. So think carefully about what you are going to do.

Christliew - posted on 08/18/2013

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He keep secret emails & sms from me when he contacted them. He will erase all the messages. How would I know what he have told that woman? may be he will tell her that he don't love me and just take responsibility for my children only (the same way he told me about them). I just can't trust him anymore. I told him I can't take it, I decided we should be friend. I feel sad he told me direct he is ok with it. Not even a word of asking me to stay. I can feel from 7 years ago, his love had died. All are responsibility left.

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