Husband doesn't help during pregnancy?

Edith - posted on 11/07/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




We have been together for 4 years, I'm 27 weeks pregnant. I had to stop working because of my hip, back and knee pain about a month ago. This is our first pregnancy. My doctor told me that I should stay at home and take it easy, I can't even walk for more than 15 minutes without feeling A LOT of pain in my hips and back. The doctor told me I can't mop the floors, I should not stand for a long time and just basically lay down as much as I can because I still get pain when just sitting down. My husband does not help around the house, I understand he is tired after work but when I was working and pregnant I still was the one that cleaned around the house while he played on his video games. I can't live like this, the trash is just piling up, he doesn't even do the dishes, he leaves them all over the house. Mold starting to grow on some plates, it's just disgusting. He knows I can't do the dishes, he was with me at the doctors.. He hasn't ONES mopped the floors since we MOVED into this apartment (about 8 months ago) So I have no option but to clean everything and every time. I'm not asking him to do everything, I'm just asking for help but no matter what I say or do he just says he is sorry and keeps doing the same stuff over and over again. I just feel so alone in all of this and I'm embarrassed to talk about this to friends and family because I don't understand how this is fine with him. I have so many times just cleaned the house and cried because of the pain that I feel by just standing. When he sees me cleaning he gets pissed off and tells me to sit down because he knows I'm not supposed to be doing this but it doesn't get done when I sit down. He just plays his video games whenever he comes home til we go to sleep. I have to nag him everyday just so I can get some help...JUST A LITTLE! We even were screaming at each other last night (which has never happened before, we have always been able to just sit down and talk about things) but when we had argued for some time that's when he decides to do something and does the dishes. He says that I'm guilt trapping him. But I get no help around the house if we don't argue. And this upsets me a lot and he knows it does.


~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/07/2012




i am so sorry you are going through this. I was in a lot of pain during my pregnancy also, I had SSP. I could barely walk at times.

I will urge you to talk with your family about this, and see if someone will open their door for you to stay with them for a while. let him know you need a break, because he is just not there for you and you cannot physically be carrying his baby in excruciating pain and do everything yourself. This may end the relationship, which is hard as hell, but better than living with a dead beat dad style guy. Or it could make him shape up really fucking fast. EIther way, i would not be able to live like that either. Good luck hun. And if you leave, then you are not "trapping" him. What an asshole thing to say when you are "trapped" in a broken body with his baby growing inside of you sucking all of your nutrients. he has nerve.

Kimberlee - posted on 11/07/2012




Sounds like you guys don't communicate very well. Maybe he is having a hard time too , maybe he's scared etc ? Have you asked him how he's been feeling about a new baby and the health issues your having , financial concerns etc? Tell him you want him back on your team rather then being an advisary , let him know that you want to both work together and share the emotional burdens . ASK him what he feels he can commit to when it comes to the chores.


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J - posted on 04/26/2015




My home is in a similar state. I am at risk of preterm labor, and cannot get up and clean. I talk to my husband, my mom offered to come and help but he refused. Now I've been ill for the pst 2 months with fluid in my lungs. Some days the fever leaves ,e so weak I cant make it to the bathroom. But he'll help me (support me while walking) only if he feels like it. He'll bring me food only if he feels like it. He'll take me to see the doctor only if he feels like it. My folks live in another country. I recently gave up my work-from-home job as I couldn't cope with the physical stress of work and the pregnancy and illness anymore. I have no money or bank account or credit cards in this country. Completely dependent on my husband. And I don't know what to do.

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