Husband doesnt want 3rd child

Rowena - posted on 03/31/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )

17

11

0

Hi everyone,

Im in a major fix at the moment and really dont know what to do for the best.

I have just found out that I am pregnant with our 3rd child (literally only 1-2 weeks according to the pregnancy test). This pregnancy was not planned and I was on the pill so Im really not sure how it has happened.

My problem is that my huband doesnt want this child and basically thinks that I have got pregnant on purpose. We already have 2 children (age 7 and 3). I knew that he ddnt want more children as he had talked about having a vasectomy. I asked him not to have the procedure as I possibly wanted another one when we were in a better financial position. We have literally only just got married on the 8th March 2013 despite being together for 10 years, so this pregnancy is a result of our honeymoon. Im pretty sure that my husbands concerns are purely financial and practical and I totally understand where he is coming from as we only have a 3 bedroom house. I only found out I am pregnant yesterday and I told him straight away. Since then he has barely spoken 2 words to me apart from to tell me that Ive done it on purpose.

I honestly dont know what to do. I didnt plan on starting our married life like this and I dont want to force a new baby on my husband when its clearly not what he wants. On the other hand, the thought of having a termination is not something that I really want to do. I had one many years ago and found the whole ordeal so heart breaking. I dont think I could cope with it all again and I dont think I would be able to forget that I basically would have been forced into it.

Please help.

Thanks in advance

xxxx

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Melanie - posted on 03/31/2013

1

0

1

I have been in this position, he just needs time to accept it and you both need to get used to the idea. Give him a little bit of space and when you do talk to him about it pick a good time (not when he's hungry or irritable). I found my husband always felt better after doing something physical like a bike ride, squash or walk - men seem to do well to "vent" this way and think things over in their own time.
Something a friend told me was "you never regret the children you have, only the ones you don't".
We live in a 3 bedroom house too - it works when you need it to.
You'll be fine, take care.
Melanie

4 Comments

View replies by

Kristi - posted on 04/03/2013

1,355

3

78

Congratulations, Rowena! That is wonderful news! I wouldn't give a second thought to a bigger home at this point. 2 kids can share one room. My stepson and daughter shared a very small room when we first got married. Of course, they were younger, well before puberty. We had bunk beds, one little closet and two little chests of drawers. Not much room but it was all we could afford at the time and we actually had a lot of fun times there. Just take this time to enjoy your new marriage and your pregnancy with your hubby and let things fall into place naturally. Good luck at your appointment!! Keep us updated along the way! ♥

Rowena - posted on 04/02/2013

17

11

0

Hi ladies,

Thank you so much for your advice and support. After about a day of not speaking to eachother we finally spoake about what to do. He has accepted that this pregnancy was not a result of me trying to get pregnant. In many ways, its our little fate baby as we tried for our 2nd for about 8 months so Im even more amazed that this has happened.

My husband did not mention a termination at all and when I brought it up his response was a categorical NO, which I am thrilled about.

Ladies, you were absolutely right, he just needed time to get his head around it all. We are looking into the possibilities of having our house extended or perhaps moving to a larger house.

I am over the moon that things have worked out well. I can start getting excited about this pregnancy now! I have my 1st appointment with my GP tomorroe to get the ball rolling for booking appointments with the midwives. I could not be happier (and Ive told my husband that by all means, go ahead and have a vasectomy after this one!)

Thanks again for your support and kind words of advice

xxxxxxx

Kristi - posted on 04/01/2013

1,355

3

78

I agree with Melanie 110%. I also think you should do what's best for your well being. Ultimately, you have to be able to live with yourself. If you have an abortion and you feel like you were forced, not only will the guilt eat you alive (per your statement of not being able to cope again) but you would start to resent your husband and more than likely that resentment would just fester and grow.

Purely hypothetical and absolute worst case scenario...your marriage colapases if you have the baby because your husband is pissed and blames you because he can't afford to join the new gym that just opened so he leaves. That sucks ass but your baby is alive and you have a clean conscious. Second worst case, your marriage collapses because you had an abortion and all the stuff I mentioned above happens, now not only did you give up your baby but you gave it up for nothing because now your marriage fell apart.

Which Rowena would you rather be alone with at the end of the day? (Alone with your thoughts, not alone physically because you'll have your other 2 beautiful children)

Of course finances are important but can you put a price on your child's life? If you look at it that way. I am pro-choice because it's not my business to decide what's right for someone else. I can only give my opinion.

Based on my personal experience and what you have said here, imo, I think your answer is fairly obvious and you just need some support and some validation.

I know my comment is kind of cold and maybe a little unpleasant. I don't mean to sound insensitive. Like I said I'm just giving worst case because sometimes that's what it boils down to.

But it is much, much more likely he'll come around just like Melanie said. Be patient. Go to the doctors and find out for sure. You can get a false positive. Things will work out.

I got prego with my daughter when I didn't think I could get prego anymore. Last thing in the world I wanted. Her father is a sociopath, for real. Long story. I had also had an abortion when I was 19. I've never forgiven myself so that was not an option. I struggle with mental health issues so I was certain my child was destend for a horrible life. I could not have been more wrong. I know we all think our kids are special and I love my bio kids and stepson with my whole heart! But, God put my daughter here for something big.

Maybe that's the case for your child. He/She is a total accident, unexpected and for all intents and purposes is/was unwanted. Yet, here he/she is. Things will work out one way or another. Hang in there! ♥

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms