Marie - posted on 01/30/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
Its been a year - and here I am - still married - and mad at myself that I even put up with this nonsense. He had a heart attack two years ago at 53. Then Jan 2011 ups and leaves our home and 25 years of marriage. He also was texting a girl 20 years younger than him - but he said nothing happened - though I'm sure the attention was great for him. Needless to say, she must of gotten smart as the texting ended after about 4 months and he has never filed divorce papers. Its not like he is a Brad Pitt and he has tons of money. He has this beautiful wife ME and two great kids (one 16 and one an adult) but he has set up his whole life - bought himself a small mobile home (and I didn't know until I saw title papers) but still supports the family financially. Says there is no one else and just wants to find himself. Then, as I became more independent, he became worried. I am going back to school, have met a couple of new guy and girl friends and have a great relationship with my kids. I am still just crushed that he would do this to me. I took care of him thru his heart attack, thru an auto accident, everything. Why am I putting up with this nonsense? Why can't I just say screw you and file divorce? I want to go to his place and just yell and say.. "you had NO right to do this to our beautiful family..our beautiful life". He ruined everything we worked so hard for. This was to be our time!! He always takes care of his friends and clients - but I get so little. What is it going to take for me to realize that I'm just being stupid. Last time I saw him was about 9 days ago.. spent the night.. of course had sex..and then he is back to work. He says I have to work to help us. What "us"?? Any advice??
I had to post an update on this post that I wrote a year and a half ago. Shortly after I posted this - I filed for divorce. The situation wasn't improving - in fact more odd behavior continuing - so I went to an atty and got things in order. As soon as I filed the divorce papers - I met a wonderful, wonderful man. It was very sad that my marriage of almost 25 years ended but I realized it wasn't going to be repaired. My ex husband was (is) a mess. The heart attack and all the other health issues are not good - and he wasn't seeking medical care. Running around with all kinds of women "friends" was just more than I could take - and more than I should have to take! He has been a terrible Dad to his kids and I am thankful for the wonderful good memories that we had when he was normal - but thankful to God that he gave me the strength to end the toxic life I was in and have a new, happy life with a man who appreciates me and wants to have a happy life. I sold the house we owned and moved my son (17) and I out of the town we lived in to a larger town so we can start fresh, put him in charter high school, did a few small trips with him and he got a good p/t job with a large well known corp. I have had to be both Mom and Dad but I've done it! My son is getting through all the disappointment over his Dad and becoming quite self sufficient. I I got engaged in April and will be married soon! Happily Ever After. The End.