Husband had a heart attack then two years later leaves a 25 year marriage... UPDATE ! :)

Marie - posted on 01/30/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Its been a year - and here I am - still married - and mad at myself that I even put up with this nonsense. He had a heart attack two years ago at 53. Then Jan 2011 ups and leaves our home and 25 years of marriage. He also was texting a girl 20 years younger than him - but he said nothing happened - though I'm sure the attention was great for him. Needless to say, she must of gotten smart as the texting ended after about 4 months and he has never filed divorce papers. Its not like he is a Brad Pitt and he has tons of money. He has this beautiful wife ME and two great kids (one 16 and one an adult) but he has set up his whole life - bought himself a small mobile home (and I didn't know until I saw title papers) but still supports the family financially. Says there is no one else and just wants to find himself. Then, as I became more independent, he became worried. I am going back to school, have met a couple of new guy and girl friends and have a great relationship with my kids. I am still just crushed that he would do this to me. I took care of him thru his heart attack, thru an auto accident, everything. Why am I putting up with this nonsense? Why can't I just say screw you and file divorce? I want to go to his place and just yell and say.. "you had NO right to do this to our beautiful family..our beautiful life". He ruined everything we worked so hard for. This was to be our time!! He always takes care of his friends and clients - but I get so little. What is it going to take for me to realize that I'm just being stupid. Last time I saw him was about 9 days ago.. spent the night.. of course had sex..and then he is back to work. He says I have to work to help us. What "us"?? Any advice??

I had to post an update on this post that I wrote a year and a half ago. Shortly after I posted this - I filed for divorce. The situation wasn't improving - in fact more odd behavior continuing - so I went to an atty and got things in order. As soon as I filed the divorce papers - I met a wonderful, wonderful man. It was very sad that my marriage of almost 25 years ended but I realized it wasn't going to be repaired. My ex husband was (is) a mess. The heart attack and all the other health issues are not good - and he wasn't seeking medical care. Running around with all kinds of women "friends" was just more than I could take - and more than I should have to take! He has been a terrible Dad to his kids and I am thankful for the wonderful good memories that we had when he was normal - but thankful to God that he gave me the strength to end the toxic life I was in and have a new, happy life with a man who appreciates me and wants to have a happy life. I sold the house we owned and moved my son (17) and I out of the town we lived in to a larger town so we can start fresh, put him in charter high school, did a few small trips with him and he got a good p/t job with a large well known corp. I have had to be both Mom and Dad but I've done it! My son is getting through all the disappointment over his Dad and becoming quite self sufficient. I I got engaged in April and will be married soon! Happily Ever After. The End.

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Dana - posted on 01/30/2012

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. My husband and I are still young (early, mid thirties), but I fear a mid life crisis. I watched my father go through one and then a close friend of ours. From my experience with both of these, it seems that men just straight up lose their minds. They don't make much sense and are just freaking out/acting out. Unfortunately, my father's actions ended my parent's marriage of 20 yrs and then of course a year or two later he realized how bad he screwed up, but it was too late. To this day ( 17yrs later) my dad will say leaving my mom was the worst mistake he's ever made.

Same with our close friend. A year after leaving his wife, he wanted her back, he admits it was the worse mistake he's ever made.



My advice, is try to work on it, try to be patient, seek counseling. Of course you can't wait forever though and not all men pull through to the other side without doing major/irreversible damage.





Again, I am truly sorry.

Marie - posted on 01/31/2012

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Iridescent - Thank you so much! Yes, I have to agree with you - I'm at the beginning stages of cutting ties. I've gone thru enough. He adored (ADORED!!) his family - all his clients and friend and family said they can't figure this out. Out of all couples - anyway..thanks for your input. Dana: I really hate to say this - but there is a BIG issue with men and midlife crisis! Seriously... I had no clue about this - but he had his heart attack, begged for me to be in the emergency room, told all the nurses and doctors "here is my wife..we will be married for 25 years (last year was our big anniversary - he did nothing. I was so sad. I was planning to redo our vows last year with the kids - had a cruise planned - but we cancelled it)" then less than a year later he ups and leaves. The reason I have hung on is because this is not the man I know, married, father of my kids. He was an amazing dad. All different now. Interesting stories you told me.. because this is what I know will happen. He will wake up in a year from this and I've moved on and it will be too late for him. He is in the middle of a very busy work period so I've backed off - but then tonight he went to a dinner with friends/clients. I was just crushed because he hasn't seen me or kids for 9 days! It just goes on and on.And.. I'm tired of it. But your story is one of a hundred I've read from other wives (and many husbands) of their loving spouses just going weird. Anyway..thank you so much for your support. Both of these comments will get me thru the next few days and I will continue to prepare myself for divorce. I can't live like this any more - and shouldn't. I'm 48, young and I have to be happy. Things are much better then they were a year ago when all this started...but then again..nothing has changed. Luv to you both.....xxoxox

Iridescent - posted on 01/30/2012

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Seek counseling. Talk to him. If there is no solution between you two, cut ties and move on the best you're able.

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Rosemary - posted on 09/09/2012

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I realize now that I am not the only person that has to go through this struggle of having a husband that changed due to a heart attack my husband wanted me in the emergency room also and even praised me and said I was precious but I at the moment don't feel very precious just always waiting for him to snap at any moment I just dont know what to do, I am on my own living in England with my husband and he is all I have, my family are all in Australia I feel so alone and confused nearly all the time but hearing all these story makes me feel that I am not alone that other women are suffering like me thank you all xxxx

Rosemary - posted on 09/09/2012

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Hi my husband suffered a heart attack 1 year ago and recently another one I found that since he has been taking all his medications for his heart these meds have totally changed him he is constantly snappy and wont let me talk I am so frustrated that I have consider leaving him but feel guilty if I did I think it is the medication that changes a man so I would just let him deal with his problems cause from experience I would not try to change him cause he has to stick on those dreaded medications for life

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