.Husband hates my son from first marriage

Livian - posted on 09/11/2012 ( 148 moms have responded )

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Hi there, I have a huge problem. I am married for the second time and I have 2 kids from my previous marriage age 21 and 14. I have 3 year from this marriage. My problem is that my husband hates my 21 year old. They are not in speaking terms. My husband is always trying to intimidate my kids with his load voice. He accuses me of spoiling my kids and calls my oldest son a diliquent, and a monster. My kids dad passed away and thy really only have me. We do not have external family support. My son who is 21 does not drink, smoke or do anything unethical. He usually visits his friends in the evening to steer clear from my husband. When my son watches tv in the second lounge my husband will say things like "the tv is so loud, cant you put it soft" He told me last night that he my son is a monster and unruly and disrespectful. So i asked what has my son done to me for him to think this and then he refers me to the tv being loud.. It just seems that my husband may have a heart attack from his resent for my son. My son used to work with , then I left. He alos left to take up new employment and then he lost his job. Because i am now helping him to look for a job, now that is a problem.. I got my son to temp at the compnay i am working for and he accuses me of being my sons friend , and that i spoil him and i made him out to be a monster. i dont know waht he expect of me. that is my child and I have to help my child while he finds his feet. .

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/11/2012

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So, why did you get with this man in the first place? If he obviously wasn't pleased with your children (who existed prior to your relationship with him), did you think it was going to be all rainbows and unicorns once you got married, and that they'd magically get along because they were now "family"???



Get out. Period. you owe your older children that much, and if he's abusive with them, what's to stop him from abusing his biological child the moment the kid pisses him off?

Dove - posted on 09/11/2012

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Your husband is abusing you and your children. PLEASE seek counseling for yourself, so you can figure out best how to deal with this situation. From your posting it doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong with your son. Times are tough financially and if he is respectful, willing to help out at home, and looking for work (or IS working and being responsible with his money).... there is nothing wrong with him staying with you right now.



I will NEVER kick my kids out of my house as long as when they are adults they are actively contributing to the house hold and being helpful, productive members of society. Any man (not currently married) that can't accept that doesn't need to be in my home.

Shedonna - posted on 09/12/2012

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I have a question how did your husband behave towards your children prior to marrying him? Were you completely blind sided by this or did you know how your husband felt all long and thought it would change once you married him? It is never okay to be disrespectful whether its your son doing it or your husband but the reality is that you had children before you married him and they will still be there should he leave. You have to put your foot and establish the bounderies between the two. You have let this go to far and if he does in fact hate your son than he hates you too because he is your son. You're a packaged deal..period!

Kim - posted on 09/12/2012

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Livian,

I'm not telling you to disregard your husband's opinions but you have to set the tone from day one that no one comes before your kids and that they are a package deal that comes with you because if not your partner will see fit to say and do what they please if they know there is no guidelines for how they treat your kids. Period.

[deleted account]

I don't know how your son communicates with your current husband, but from what you wrote your husband is verbally abusive. Verbal abuse is very much that..abuse. If your husband wants to give himself a heart attack from resentment, that's his choice. But that certainly doesn't have to be your choice. If they don't get along, fine, stay out of each others' personal spaces. But you should not tolerate the verbal abuse. If your husband is too childish to be a civil adult with his own family, well...it should not be tolerated any longer. It has gone on for too long already.

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Amanda - posted on 05/24/2014

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I don't understand why any mother would have to choose between their children and their husband. I personally would slap my husband for verbally assulting my children. We as mothers do have a tendacy to "spoil" our children, at the same time at 21 he is no longer a child. He is a man, as long as he's attempting to do something with his life support him, but understand you cannot make him succesfull. Sometimes you do have to let your baby bird fly and fall and get back up on his own. Back to your husband, correct him, put him in his place as far as verbally abusing your children. Then, find out the underlying rage. Come to an understanding if possible but that means compramise...from BOTH of you. Good luck

Cathy - posted on 12/15/2013

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Sorry to see that you are going through this, but it is nice to see the comments, because I am going through it too. My husband of 2 years hates my 21 year old who lives at home. He is a good kid, going to a community college, getting straight A's and working full time. My husband is jealous of him, plain and simple. He says I should put my husband first, which, biblically speaking, is true. But it also says that a man should love his wife as himself, which means that he would never do anything to cause her pain. By being abusive to your son, he is also hurting you, because your child, no matter how old, is a part of you. I just lost my marriage because of it, and I have had my doubts about my own responsibility to my husband, but this forum has helped to confirm that I should not put my son out just because my husband doesn't want him around. It would be different if my son was trouble, or was disrepectful. Good luck to you and stay strong@!

Studebaker - posted on 10/26/2012

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I think your husband is an asshole. Sorry to say. But if I can't except your son, then the problem is on him not you. How long has this anger for your son been going on? And if I was in your shoes- I would have already said- "you can deal, and try to get along or you can get out". Because if a guy ever put me in your shoes, straight up I would tell him "Oh well, to bad for you, cause my kids come before any man!"



Now, I don't know the hole story and I don't need to. But no man, even my husband would stand between me and my kids. I send you motherly love and hope you can work through your Husband/ Son issues.

Studebaker - posted on 10/26/2012

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I think your husband is an asshole. Sorry to say. But if I can't except your son, then the problem is on him not you. How long has this anger for your son been going on? And if I was in your shoes- I would have already said- "you can deal, and try to get along or you can get out". Because if a guy ever put me in your shoes, straight up I would tell him "Oh well, to bad for you, cause my kids come before any man!"



Now, I don't know the hole story and I don't need to. But no man, even my husband would stand between me and my kids. I send you motherly love and hope you can work through your Husband/ Son issues.

Sandra - posted on 10/26/2012

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Your child is worth more than this a-hole, if a man does not have love for your children, girl run for the border. Your son could be stress, any man that talks like that to a child is an idiot. I say leave him. Hell Yes.

Sonia - posted on 10/26/2012

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When I contacted you I was 6 months into a bitter divorce battle. I thought that my marriage and family was ruined. I found your site and breathed a sigh of relief. Not only did you STOP MY DIVORCE AND BROUGHT BACK LOVE INTO MY MARRIAGE. It worked super fast sequel to the fact that you and your circle was there to help me and counsel me through every step of the process. You have helped me so much and I am happy to update you on our progress. Roy and I have reconciled and have since renewed our vows. We are stronger than ever. I am so happy that you were able to help me keep my family intact. Without you, I do not know what I would have done. Contact this temple if you need help via email lordshivaspells@gmail.com

Sharon - posted on 10/26/2012

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The only way to sort things out is by "talking" it through. I suggest you talk to a family guidance Councillor as soon as possible. There are always many sides to every story & you need as a family to get to the bottom of what is causing the problems. It could be your husband is jealous of the time you spend with your children. When you were courting you probably spent more time alone together & maybe he misses the closeness of that. So maybe 1 night a week set apart for just the two of you to go out to enjoy each others company might help. Maybe another day / evening all of you going out together as a family to share some fun things might help. You do not want it to spiral out of control - other wise you might loose everything which would be very hard on you all. Try & stop it quickly by getting help before it goes too far.

Covalin - posted on 10/26/2012

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You have to do what is best for you and your kids, he married you so therefore he should appreciate you and your kids. He has to take the whole package i am sure he knew that you have them before he got into the marriage. I too have a son that's not my husbands and he'll talk down to my son, my son is 5yrs old and he'll tell him things like he whines like a girl or calls him a girl or whimp. He does not do fatherly things with my son and for that reason because of his lack of patience with my son, my child does not like to be round him. I know i wont continue in a marriage llike this, he told me he always wanted a son, but he does not show my son love or compassion, and heloves attention. My son likes to go the the park and go for drives like any boy would want. At the end of the day it is my child's happiness. Think abut how badly it will affect your kids and make sure he does not drie your 21yr old to do something stupid.

Patricia A - posted on 10/26/2012

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Wow! And why would your husband have a problem with you being your sons friend? That's a GOOD thing! Your husband is looking for ANY excuse to say something derogatory about your son, he is jealous! There is nothing wrong with you helping your son out, I don't think any parent would refuse to help their children, especially one looking for work. He should be grateful that he has someone like you, who is nurturing, especially if he will ever need someone to take care of him one day. If he continues to give you problems regarding your son, I would tell him to start minding his business, and to lay off saying anything derogatory to your son.

Anne - posted on 10/24/2012

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You have to divorce him. You need to leave NOW! If he can't respect your children he doesn't respect you!!!

Sonia - posted on 10/24/2012

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When I contacted you I was 6 months into a bitter divorce battle. I thought that my marriage and family was ruined. I found your site and breathed a sigh of relief. Not only did you STOP MY DIVORCE AND BROUGHT BACK LOVE INTO MY MARRIAGE. It worked super fast sequel to the fact that you and your circle was there to help me and counsel me through every step of the process. You have helped me so much and I am happy to update you on our progress. Roy and I have reconciled and have since renewed our vows. We are stronger than ever. I am so happy that you were able to help me keep my family intact. Without you, I do not know what I would have done. Contact this temple if you need help via email lordshivaspells@gmail.com

Thandiwe - posted on 10/24/2012

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girl if this man loves you enough he will love your children as well one thing for sure he doesn't want your child so ask him what he really wants and what ever decision you are going to make include your children who are only relying on your as the only parent they have at the

Nanette - posted on 10/23/2012

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Andrea!

Love your comment!

LEAVE THE BASTARD!

PLEASE!!!



Your son may be depressed if he cannot hold a job.

Get him tested....

N

Nanette - posted on 10/23/2012

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I say dump him. Your kids come first.

He is jealous of them.

I am a step mom and the kids come first.

DUMP THIS MAN!!!!

LOVE YOUR KIDS!!!

Sharon - posted on 10/23/2012

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2. Record what he is saying when he is complaining about your son - when he starts complaining again - switch it on & let it play - people dont realize what they sound like -- It might give him pause for thought - same goes if you are both having an argument - tape it (unseen) & listen to it when everyone is out - might give you a different perspective on how to handle things.

Sharon - posted on 10/23/2012

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How about radio headphones for the TV that your son can use - that would eliminate 1 problem

Madison Grace - posted on 10/21/2012

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Then he not the right one. You need to try to find someone that ok with you kids and wants to help them too. Because that how it should be or late it could affect a lot.

Sonya - posted on 10/21/2012

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Sounds like a charmer......you husband met and married you knowing you had two children so its his problem.....I was in a similar situation and am now a single with three young daughters. Your husband is just a bully and his behaviour should not be tolerated. Not setting a good example for your younger child. Good luck

Andrea - posted on 10/20/2012

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agree with holly 200%. Leave the bastared, excuse my language but no one should treat anybody like that.

Andrea - posted on 10/20/2012

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here is what i think. After reading your post seemed like reading about my life. I have 2 children age 13 and 6. I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 yrs and was supposed to get married in august of this year. Thanks god i didn't. My fiancee who is ex now, did not get along with my son, picking on him, bugging him, calling him names and he was mentally harrassing him. After divorcing the kid's father i swore that if ever my kids are not happy i will not move forward with my relationship. He could have been tom cruise, or a rich man or anybody. My kids well being and happiness are more important than anything. Having said that im not engaged anymore and moved on living with my children and cannot be happier. The kids are loving it as well. So always listen to your gutt instinct and your children. No man or anybody should ruin the relationship between you and your children even if it means splitting up and going your separate ways. Good luck!

Livian - posted on 10/20/2012

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wont be for too long now. Had my say. Doing things for me and my kids now. Irrespective of how he feels. My mind is made up. Since the day I posted this article, things just got bitter , bitter. Now theres no future for hubby and I . I offered the counselling to him, but with or without him I will go and we will see. I guess if I am going on my own , it simply equips me better for what ultimately will happen. If we go together then the hope of changing things is still hopeful, but thats going to be his choice.

Livian - posted on 10/19/2012

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Sorry holly , He did not literally give him a heart attack, I meant my husband can have a heart atttack with his hatred. My son has just turned , he is studying part time and he just had an unfotunate experience with his previous job. He wants to buy his own apartment. he is working two jobs to fix his car. So be realistic. I will not thorw my son out, especially when he is trying to find his feet. My husbands does not want to to give my son any form of support, be it emotional or financial. I agree with the financial part , because i dont fork out any money for him , he has to work for it. But if i want to sepnd time with my kids i cannot have resistance frm my husband. He says he is a disciplinarian. Hi none year old child comes to us every alternate weekend. So why must he be allowed to blast the tv, do as he pleases. My son is an adult now, He has more respect that my husbands nine year old. I feel that my husband want my son to move out so that he can bring his parents to live with us. Thats my opinion , and maybe he sees my son in his way of doing this. Or maybe he wants to be abusive and cant . Well things are bad as it stands , becasue theres too many little things adding up and it's multiple things. Let me give you an example so you can see the picture. My 21 year old had a tooth ache and he put mouth was in a small juice bottle to gargle all the time. After about a week , my three year old went to his room and found this bottle and took it. My 21 year ols was not at home. My husband came and banged the bathroom door till I open to give me a lecture about my 21 year old. He said " Tell you monster to be more responsible and stop leaving things in his room like this. Instead of saying to me. Michael has taken this , please ask MArc to be more careful . Just the approach. Another example. Marc dropped me off at conference and on his way home went to fetch some documents. My husband send me a message :" Your car is not at home" . Instead of asking me Where is Marc. I mean that is so rude.

Holly - posted on 10/19/2012

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Perhaps you need to leave this man. I mean i know your son is an adult, and he will be moving out of the house soon now, but if this man HATES your adult son so much, it isn't a healthy situation. You say that your adult son can't hold a job, you say that your adult son gave your husband a heart attack, you say things like this you say that you husband asked him to put the tv on soft, which doesn't sound like a horrible request. If you don't want him to talk to your ADULT son, one of them needs to leave, your son is an ADULT, needs to find a job, leave the nest, grow up. He can move into an apartment on McDonalds wages. It isn't as if he is a child, or is trying to support a family... he just needs to act like a n adult and support himself... He can find a room mate and they can BOTH pay rent at an apartment. you keep saying he is your child... he isn't he is an ADULT

Livian - posted on 10/19/2012

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Holly, My son does not speak to my husband only when it is necessary. He comes from work, watches tv if it is available. Has supper, then he goes to his visit his friends and comes back later. t He has told me and several people that he hates my son. He feels that my son is breathing in his space.

Holly - posted on 10/19/2012

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i am trying to see this from both sides... perhaps your son is being rude to your husband... perhaps it is your SON who feels his love is being threatened and is acting out towards your spouse...

Hollie - posted on 10/18/2012

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I had the same problem with my ex husband. He was wonderful to my daughter from my first marriage until we had children together. Then he became mean and abusive to her. I finally just divorced him.

Livian - posted on 10/18/2012

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You know the funny thing is that kids will always hold on to their parents. In my son and daughters case they will always hold on to their dad who is deceased. They will not open up to my husband as their dad which is perfectly normal , but on the same token they do not disrespect him. My son has suffered depression and is tends to isolate himself frm my husband. My son to a large extent stays out of his way but he is not a trouble maker. So this is how I feel. If my son is not in any ones way , dont make him a problem.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/17/2012

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I feel the same way sometimes with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. I feel like he resents my daughters from my previous marriage and I cannot understand it. I always say, its me and them or nothing, and he always stays but he acts differently around them, and because I also have his son (which ends up getting all the love) my girls feel left out, and I always fight him in private and ask what his problem is. I know I could leave him, but its weird that sometimes, he takes my daughters out to play and buys them things without me even knowing why. He makes time for them, maybe its just time. I think it is time for your husband and son to sit down and figure out what the problem is, maybe there is an underline problem that isn't because he is from another marriage maybe something happend you don't know about. I hope all gets better this is horrible. and I know how you feel and it is ahorrible feeling.



Robyn - posted on 10/16/2012

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I think this is a common problem because I have also had same issues with my new husband and son from my previous marriage. Only time will hopefully heal the issues that they have against each other but even that may not happen, its hard because it probably feels like you are stuck in the middle, and if you stick up for your son, you are betraying your husband and vise versa, eventually I told them they have to grow up and if they cant get along then they have to at least be civil to one another and i told my husband that he needs to remember that when he says mean things about my son he is only hurting me and that he needed to keep his opinions to himself if they were going to critisize the way i parent. They don't understand that being a single mom was hard and we do the best we can and i am not making excuses for our kids but after all they are still just KIDS! I am still dealing with my husband and sons issues with each other, but at least it seems to be getting better probably because I dont tell my husband anything when it comes to my son, the less he knows the better.

Stephanie - posted on 10/16/2012

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This is the first comment that I really thinks makes sense and doesn't have the mommy blinders on. Remember you will always be there for your CHILD, when they are a adult it is still your responsibility to be there, but it is not your responsibility to provide for them. I know it is hard to understand what I am saying, but you need to be there for your adult child encouraging and emotionally. You don't have to be there with the material things.

ToniAnn - posted on 10/16/2012

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When I met my husband, 16 years ago, he was a single dad with full, sole custody of his 2 children. He told me straight up-"my kids come first - don't ever make me have to choose -I choose them every time." I agreed with him them and now as well. We have raised his children together as well as our child together. Other than the fact that his kids call me by my first name you would never know they aren't mine!

Your husband has serious jealousy issues of your relationship with your son. Maybe his parents didn't help him when he turned 21 and thinks that's how it's supposed to be.

ALL of my children are always welcome in my home. No matter what!

I understand it may be hard for him- not having that newlywed alone time because your kids were always there. There maybe some resentment there. My husband and I go on 2 vacations -1 with the kids and 1 without. It gives us the alone time to keep our relationship on track.

I hope he comes around and makes amends with your son.

Good luck!

Radna - posted on 10/15/2012

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Wow , I really feel for you and your son . I'm in my second marriage and between us are 5 kids ...all equally loved .Sounds to me your husband has some serious issues and calling your kid a monster ?? Sorry the only monster I see in this story is him . I think it's disrespectful not only to your son but also very much so to you .You can't be your son's friend ? You're spoiling the kids??

I'm sorry dear but it seems he's the one being spoiled and acts like a brat . Please find yourself your equal , someone who supports you being a mom and friend!!! WTH , sorry but as soon as ones spouse starting to give you a feeling you have to "choose"....it's bye bye...I don't care how old my kids are...they'll always be my babies and I will always guide and protect them and if my husband wouldn't be on the same page ....I wouldn't be in this marriage.

You're awesome and deserve better as does your son....If he's a good kid and it seems he is ..I really would ask myself is this marriage bringing me happiness and is my husband someone I can see myself with being 80 and grandparents !! if the answer is no....don't waste time at it then....Life's too short to waste it .....especially to a spoiled husband who behaves as a monster;-).....Good luck I wish you and all the kids all the happiness and love!!...

Myriam - posted on 10/15/2012

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You are absolutely right! I feel the same way about my son, your sons 21 hes still young he will find his way! That would be life crushing for him if his mom sided with her husband not him. Kudos to you wish there were more moms like you who put there kids first !!!

Livian - posted on 10/15/2012

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Thank you Mariam



I must say everyday is a challenge. If I cant support my children , who else will. As parents it is our duty to steer our kids in the right direction. If I threw my son out , imagine how that would crush him . Imagine what his life would be like. Well if he ever disrespects me and challenges me , I will give my son an option to leave. But that will be his choice, not mine. And when he is on is feet he will find his own way . I will just have to be patient until he finds himself in this world.

Myriam - posted on 10/14/2012

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I want to commend you Livian! A lot of women will chose there man over there son. You still give your kids attention and be a mom to them rather than well son sorry you feel that way you have to go! I have only read a few comments but I just wanted to commend you for that I've seen it happen WAY to many times!

Angela - posted on 10/14/2012

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Yep...men come and go, but your children will always be yours. I totally agree with that.

Latonya - posted on 10/14/2012

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Nothing is more important to a woman and mother than her children . Men will be there one day and gone the next but your children will always be there. Dont ever choose a man over your children will not forgive you. Your husband need to get on a supportive board or kick rocks... He seem jealous that the husband and wants the child to go away so its all about him..

Amanda - posted on 10/13/2012

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I do not want to sound as if i am judging any one so please do not take this in the wrong context. i had a step dad like that for may years, well i suppose mine was worse off than what your hubby seems but i grew up thinking that my mom loved her husband more than she did me because she would allow the violence to continue, so my advice would be to try to get them both into the same room respectfully and tell them both how much you love each one of them but you will not allow things to go on the way they are, that they need to find a way to find common ground or you will will be the stronger person and end the situation because no matter what as moms we all know we will put our children before any one or anything.

Michelle - posted on 10/13/2012

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It is hard because I have a friend that is going through the same problem with her 2 sons that are 21 and 8. When the kids go spend the night with the father they do not fight so it seems like he is super jelious. If he doesnt change you need to change the situation. This is no way for the kids to see you go thru this especially after the passing of their father. They have gone thru enough. Plus they will learn to accept being treated like that or treat people like that

Des - posted on 10/13/2012

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Hi,



It seems that your husband might not be aware that he resents the special bond you have with your son, but that's no excuse to alienate or be intimidating to your son. Perhaps setting boundaries might be helpful, such as, " Honey, this day each week/this hour each night is for me and my son. This time is for us. If you have nothing loving or at least kind to say to my son, please don't say anything." They don't have to be friends but it's important that there at the very least be mutual respect. If your son is giving an effort to get on his own feet, then he is worthy of some respect, even grudging, from your husband. Just my 2 cents 8).

I sincerely hope this turns around so you can enjoy your family!

Crystal - posted on 10/11/2012

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my 9 year old autistic son hates his grandmother on his dads side and she hates him so its very hard how can a grandmother hate her own grandson

Jenny - posted on 10/10/2012

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Get rid of him sweetie! Just get out of the situation! If he is doing this for jealousy of the relationship with your son, as soon as you son has left the house and is living by himsef, he will be jealous of a friend you have, or your sister or /and /or /and /or /and and he will isolate completely in the end!!! And then? He will break down your personality and make you feel worthless and he'll still not be satisfied. So kick him out!

Livian - posted on 10/08/2012

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Hi there. Suppose you are right. This is what transpired and alot of what you say is true. My first marriage was hectic and my ex husband whom is now deceased was a very cruel man. He had two kids from a previous relationship which I found a week after my marriage. We relocated and his past life never seemed to come in our way. Then these kids grew up and I think that my ex husband felt obligated to them, For whatever the reason he was very horrible to my son. Always put him down. When our daughter was born seven years later things changed for the better, but my son was now a teenager. He was a very rebellious child and did not like how my ex husband treated me. Our marriage just died and I couldnt fight any longer. All I wanted was out. My son found out his dad was having an affair and he had alot of anger in him towards his dad , which i could understand. A year later I found out about this affair and then we got divorced. My sons schooling was badly affected and he failed matric. When he went t re register the sylaabus had changed and the college wanted him to re do st 8, 9 and 10. He was highly frustrated and then took up an N3 study at coorespondence college. When his dad passed away he moved to his uncle in another province for a year . He was aware of my relationship with my now husband and was happy that I was happy.When he cam back he statreted working but to his bad luck he did not have lusck keeping his job . Probabaly becasue he is young. He worked at the company I worked at for a year and found another job as he wanted his independence. He was also planning to buy a town house and move out. Undortunately things did not work out because the MD wanted a female and not a male in this position so he lose his job. he did the whole CCMA report and has been working partime wherever he can. My son has goals and all he wants is for to get a proper job and start living his life. I cant kick hin out in the process. It is my job as his mom to give hime emotional support and advise. We unfortunately dont have family to count on and it seems like we only have each other. So my husband has to just learn to deal with this because someday his son form his ex marrigae i going to grow up and then he will want to render the same to his child. My son is a bit immature in his thinking but if he wasnt trying then I will have a problem with that.

Livian - posted on 10/08/2012

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Hi there. Suppose you are right. This is what transpired and alot of what you say is true. My first marriage was hectic and my ex husband whom is now deceased was a very cruel man. He had two kids from a previous relationship which I found a week after my marriage. We relocated and his past life never seemed to come in our way. Then these kids grew up and I think that my ex husband felt obligated to them, For whatever the reason he was very horrible to my son. Always put him down. When our daughter was born seven years later things changed for the better, but my son was now a teenager. He was a very rebellious child and did not like how my ex husband treated me. Our marriage just died and I couldnt fight any longer. All I wanted was out. My son found out his dad was having an affair and he had alot of anger in him towards his dad , which i could understand. A year later I found out about this affair and then we got divorced. My sons schooling was badly affected and he failed matric. When he went t re register the sylaabus had changed and the college wanted him to re do st 8, 9 and 10. He was highly frustrated and then took up an N3 study at coorespondence college. When his dad passed away he moved to his uncle in another province for a year . He was aware of my relationship with my now husband and was happy that I was happy.When he cam back he statreted working but to his bad luck he did not have lusck keeping his job . Probabaly becasue he is young. He worked at the company I worked at for a year and found another job as he wanted his independence. He was also planning to buy a town house and move out. Undortunately things did not work out because the MD wanted a female and not a male in this position so he lose his job. he did the whole CCMA report and has been working partime wherever he can. My son has goals and all he wants is for to get a proper job and start living his life. I cant kick hin out in the process. It is my job as his mom to give hime emotional support and advise. We unfortunately dont have family to count on and it seems like we only have each other. So my husband has to just learn to deal with this because someday his son form his ex marrigae i going to grow up and then he will want to render the same to his child. My son is a bit immature in his thinking but if he wasnt trying then I will have a problem with that.

Livian - posted on 10/08/2012

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Hi there. Suppose you are right. This is what transpired and alot of what you say is true. My first marriage was hectic and my ex husband whom is now deceased was a very cruel man. He had two kids from a previous relationship which I found a week after my marriage. We relocated and his past life never seemed to come in our way. Then these kids grew up and I think that my ex husband felt obligated to them, For whatever the reason he was very horrible to my son. Always put him down. When our daughter was born seven years later things changed for the better, but my son was now a teenager. He was a very rebellious child and did not like how my ex husband treated me. Our marriage just died and I couldnt fight any longer. All I wanted was out. My son found out his dad was having an affair and he had alot of anger in him towards his dad , which i could understand. A year later I found out about this affair and then we got divorced. My sons schooling was badly affected and he failed matric. When he went t re register the sylaabus had changed and the college wanted him to re do st 8, 9 and 10. He was highly frustrated and then took up an N3 study at coorespondence college. When his dad passed away he moved to his uncle in another province for a year . He was aware of my relationship with my now husband and was happy that I was happy.When he cam back he statreted working but to his bad luck he did not have lusck keeping his job . Probabaly becasue he is young. He worked at the company I worked at for a year and found another job as he wanted his independence. He was also planning to buy a town house and move out. Undortunately things did not work out because the MD wanted a female and not a male in this position so he lose his job. he did the whole CCMA report and has been working partime wherever he can. My son has goals and all he wants is for to get a proper job and start living his life. I cant kick hin out in the process. It is my job as his mom to give hime emotional support and advise. We unfortunately dont have family to count on and it seems like we only have each other. So my husband has to just learn to deal with this because someday his son form his ex marrigae i going to grow up and then he will want to render the same to his child. My son is a bit immature in his thinking but if he wasnt trying then I will have a problem with that.

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