Husband is an addict

Jeanine - posted on 12/06/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hi - My husband and I bought work full time and have a two year old. We both have stressful jobs, I feel like a machine - work, baby then housework then over again.I can handle this, most mom do howeever I feel like I need more support. My mom watches my son 3x a week and I have a babysitter the other two. My mom will not watch him any more than the three days. My husband has a drug problem. Sometimes he does not come home from work. I never left him more than a day, He always comes home crying with the same story that hes sorry and will never do iot again. I am at my wits end. He refuses to go away for help bc he says he will lose his job and I cannot afford the mortgage on my own. Is it worse for my son to grow up with seperated parents or a dad on drugs. Please - anyone have any advice from experience?

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Brittany - posted on 12/06/2013

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I have 3 kids under the age of 3 and my fiancé also has a drug problem. Well did.. and still fights it every single day and probably will for the rest of his life! I finally got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore (he was on drugs when we first got together but I had no idea! we dated in middle school and that was how I knew him but had no idea the habit he had picked up) So I started searching him when he got home from work.. one time he came home so late that I waiting up and then kicked him out myself! I have put up with 6 years of this and I still continue to.. it can definitely destroy a relationship but one thing I had a problem understanding is that it is extremely easy for you and I to say jeeze its not worth it let it go! we cant afford this don't you want to be there for your kids or kid! Just stop it don't do it again.. however on one had half of them is saying shes right stop doing it and the other side is saying one more time one more time.. it takes all your problems away.. since when you are on drugs it drowns out all your stress in your life for those couple of minutes you don't feel anything you don't have a feeling it all goes away.. so trust me when I say if you are a strong women and you love him.. you will help him fight this battle!! If you aren't then you need to get out now because it doesn't get better and if they don't want help it will only get worst.. I had to get serious with him and say I was going to leave and there was nothing he could do about it.. that it was his fault and if he wanted to see the kids it couldn't be alone because I could prove that he was on drugs and youll have to do that as well.. give him some tough love.. however there are different routes to go as far as getting him off drugs.. he doesn't have to go away.. however there are suboxone doctors that are used to help the person get off drugs and start a way to a normal life.. my fiancé is on that and he is doing absolutely amazing completely normal.. and hes not spending every dime to our name.. it will help him.. look into doctors and find out detox doctors or drug abuse doctors.. they can lead you in the right direction.. my fiancé is my high school sweetheart and I truly believe he just got into the wrong crowd and now he has to deal with this for the rest of his life.. however it doesn't change his love for me.. my love for him and our kids love for him and him as well as them.. so if you are ready to fight the battle with him.. then get looking for doctors because I was the one who called the doctor not him lol.. men just cant seem to call there own doctors or do anything themselves.. and be prepared for a lifetime battle with him.. if he is truly addicted!! never give up on love and never give up on family.. a child need both of there parents and they also need them healthy.. no relationship or family is worth throwing in the trash if you still have a lot to give! if you have lost it all.. and you don't want to deal with it then nows the time to give up.. but like I said your child needs both not just one but they need you to be happy and healthy.. look into doctors.. don't give up on him.. you might be all he has when it comes to fighting this demon with him and it will make you two grow back together.. I know I was and it did for my fiancé and I.. and now we are living a street drug free life and he is on a suboxone program with a amazing doctor that is like a counselor! hope this helps! if you have any questions just ask me..ive been through it all so im sure I an help!

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Sherri - posted on 12/06/2013

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I'm a mother of 2 girls and married to a recovering addict. When I found out my husband had an addiction my girls were 6 and 3 that was 9 years ago. I had to kick him out of the house and I wouldn't let him back in until he was clean. It was a long 18 months and he fought recovery almost every step of the way. After 2 rounds of outpatient rehab and 6 months of Sober Living he finally surrendered to his addiction. He still goes to meetings every week and I can tell when he hasn't been to one by how he acts. Addiction will be my husbands life long battle but he is on the winning side now. However, it did take a toll on my oldest who is now 15. She remembers how bad he was and therefore she still harbors some resentment towards him. My youngest, is older than your child, doesn't remember a thing and now they are extremely close. You have to prepare yourself for the fact that his recovery is up to him. You can guide him and support him but if he doesn't want it then you will need to let him go and work on yourself. Your child is your number one concern and he needs you to be healthy. Find a support group for yourself and then after awhile of getting help for yourself you can decide what path you should choose. I wish you and your family all the best.

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