Husband is being hateful because I am a stay at home wife!

Theresa - posted on 01/17/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hi! I have been married for 21 years, I have raised 10 children during that time. My husband is truck driver and has been for most of our marriage. He resents me because I have been here with the kids all these years while he has been out there.Now please keep in mind when he took this job I was against it, I begged I threatened to leave him etc but because he is the man of the house my feelings didn't matter, and he is a control freak and I'm not talking about just little things I mean with everything. He is in total control of the finances if I need money I have to ask him and if he doesn't think it is needed the answer is no. Lately he has been so hateful towards me and is constantly throwing it in my face that I don't work outside the house. He threw it in my face that he has taken care of me all these years which is true he has been the financial provider but I have had to do everything else alone. He is being more stingy with money then ever before telling me I am just using him etc. I am trapped, I have been a stay at home mom for well over 21 years I possess no kind of work force skills and we live 8 hours away from any of my family. I am at a breaking point and I feel emotionally broken. I don't know what to do.

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Sarah - posted on 01/17/2016

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I would think that if you have been denied access to any finance and you are denied Legal Aid do a conflict of interest that your attorney can petition that your husband cover your legal expenses as part of the divorce decree.

Theresa - posted on 01/17/2016

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For some reason they won't close the case, but the last time I tried was a year ago. I'm going to call them in the morning and see what they say. Wow a lawyer can actual do that? It wouldn't aggravate me so bad if he wasn't the one who keeps me from working and even years ago when I did I never did get to see my paychecks he'd be there on pay day to collect it from my job, but what upsets me is that he enlisted legal aid when he made more than enough and rubbed it in face.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2016

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He was used legal aid 7 years ago. If he does not qualify for services then,I don't' see the conflict. However, if you are denied Legal Aid, then go to a private attorney and he can petition the court for your husband to be responsible for the fees as he is the cause for you not being able to use legal aid.

Theresa - posted on 01/17/2016

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Well about 7 years ago he applied for legal aid to start the divorce, although when he applied for it he was only on a temporary leave from work and makes entirely too much money to even qualify for their help which he later explained to me that he only did it to prevent me from being to ask for their services. So last year I called them seeing if I could get help from them and they said no because he had a case and it would be conflict of interest. So as far as legal help I am unsure what I can do for that. I am taking care of the public housing but that takes a while on the waiting list. I am trying to stay positive but it is getting harder.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2016

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First, what is his is also yours. Can you get any legal help to get some financial support from him? What did not go well when you left before? For sure it will be hard, but think of the peace of mind and the freedom to do as please without him putting you down and holding you back. If you apply for government housing you may be able to get a small place in an urban area and use public transportation, then you won't need a car.

Theresa - posted on 01/17/2016

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Actually I have done that before turned to one of my older children and went to a woman's shelter neither which went well and it was so hard on my kids. I have spent the weekend applying for jobs and praying that my car will hold up because we live about 25 minutes from town so that's always made it harder to get anywhere then having to ask for gas money from him.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2016

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Can you turn to one of your children for help? If you only have yourself to care for, you can leave, file for divorce and for spousal support. You can also apply for government assistance to help with food, housing and vocational help. You may have not been in the workforce but you for sure have skills. Raising 10 kids; you could do child care, work in food service, clean houses or phones sales. I know none sound very glamorous but while you get your feet under yourself you could take a computer class or pastry making class. You have options. Even if your kids can't help you, you can go to a women's shelter.

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