Husband is overprotective of 14 month old son

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

5

0

1

Hi ladies. I am here out of desperation. I'm really struggling with my husband, who is out of control with his level of overprotection over our 14 month old son. I will try to summarize my current situation as best as I can.
Our son is our first child. My husband is a native of South America, and hasn't seen his family in a number of years. I am attuned to the fact that the baby and me are all he has, and could be the source of the overprotection. But I am struggling so badly with the situation that I have been contemplating asking him to leave. It pains me to say that I've even considered that.

I've been reading other forums where moms are complaining about the same thing, and people usually respond with things like "aww it's cute he just wants the best for you and the baby", but I feel his behavior is way over the "cute" line, and it's borderline emotionally abusive to me.

I am beginning to resent him, and feel that he has robbed me of the joy of first time motherhood because I am constantly walking on eggshells and terrified that every move I make will be second guessed and picked apart. I've tried to talk to his best friend and he agrees with me, but also knows that there is nothing I can say or do to change it. My husband is very stubborn. I know that I need to have some kind of talk with him, but I am honestly dreading it because I'm pretty sure I know the outcome. But I am miserable.

I don't even know what I am asking for by this post. I guess I'm mostly just word vomiting because I have no one to talk to. I'm afraid to talk to my friends because I don't want them to know how bad the situation is. I've opened up to my Mom a little bit and she has seen the behavior and has been victim of it as well.

I feel tricked almost. He wasn't like this before the baby was born. I had know way of knowing this was the type of parent he was going to be, and how he would treat me as the mother of our child. I just want to cry. I know we all have expectations of how we think things will be, and it's disappointing when those expectations aren't met. But this is way beyond anything I imagined.

I don't even know what else to say or do. This is what keeps happening. Every day I think things will change, or that today will be the day that I confront him and then I just get so sick to my stomach thinking about how upset I am and how upset I will be when we have the conversation and he tells me he doesn't care how I feel and then I will be forced with having to deal with the situation. Wow...I'm really losing it.

5 Comments

View replies by

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2016

5

0

1

Thank you so much for replying. I don't know why I'm not able to stand up to him. It's like I don't even know myself. When I'm by myself and thinking about things I am strong and confident in myself, I know I'm a good mom. But when I'm in the moment with him it's like I just retreat into my shell. Just tonight, I gave the baby a bath and when we came out, he asked me if the baby hit his head on the faucet. I immediately snapped at him and said yes, 27 times and now he's brain damaged. Then later, he told me he wants his mom to come visit for a few weeks because the baby needs to eat more rice and beans and more ethnic food because I don't feed him correctly. The baby is 100% healthy. Guess who has never once come to a pediatrician appt?

Sarah - posted on 09/08/2016

9,475

0

22

Why are you not able to stand up to him? Say " I know what I am doing and back off!" It is time to let him know that if he keeps smothering you, you will leave. He is not a better parent just because he had siblings. That means nothing

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2016

5

0

1

I don't fear him taking the baby from me, but I fear the nastiness that I know he is capable of (obviously). I know that I'm a good mother. We are so blessed with a beautiful healthy adorable little boy and he refuses to see it that way. I am the financial support for the family, so I know any judge would give me full custody, but i don't WANT it to get to that. I just want him to appreciate me and to enjoy the baby and know how lucky and blessed we are, instead of constantly picking on me and making me second guess myself as a mother, or make me feel inadequate. I just want him to be nice and supportive. I don't think that's much to ask and I feel sad that I even have to say this, you know?

Lisa - posted on 09/08/2016

5

0

1

Here's some of the ones that stand out most. When I would breastfeed, he would stand over top of me and put his finger on part my breast to hold it because he thought it was too close to the babys nose. Even though I'm obviously right there holding the baby and can see if he can breathe freely.
The baby has always been a bad sleeper at night and when I was ready to sleep train (because I was the one that always got up in the night for him) he refused to let me. So now, at 14 months, the baby sleeps in the bed with me every night, while my husband sleeps soundly by himself in the guestroom by himself. He refused to let the baby cry AT ALL during any type of sleep training, but won't deal with the consequence of having the baby in the bed.
He says that I have to hold the baby when he poops because if he's sitting down when he poops it will get stuck and make him sick
When we go out places together, I'm not allowed to hold the baby because he thinks he does a better job
He says that because he has 3 younger siblings that he knows more than I do about babies, and that I don't know anything
When the baby started to stand on his own he said he wasn't allowed to because his legs weren't strong enough to hold him and would damage his legs and would yell at me any time he saw the baby stand
He NEVER EVER tells me I'm a good mother or that I do a good job. He says he takes care of the baby 70% of the time, and me 30%
He picks at every single thing I do. Last night as soon as he walked in the door he complained that it was too cold and the baby should have socks on. Even though the baby is just starting to walk and everything I read says they grip the carpet better with bare feet when they are learning. It was also 90 degrees yesterday.

When I write it out, it seems trivial, but if you could see the facial expressions of disgust and condescending tone that he takes with me, it makes the words he says much more hurtful and nasty. And these are just some of the ones that come immediately to mind.

Sarah - posted on 09/08/2016

9,475

0

22

Can you explain what he does or says to you? If he is emotional abusing you, then leaving would be best for you and your child. Do you fear him taking the baby from you?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms