Husband midlife crisis

Jennifer - posted on 05/31/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )




My husband has been acting like he is in midlife crises. He lost a lot of weight, takes off, is very self absorbed and now wants to converse about a separation or possible divorce. The question is how do I protect my emotionally unstable seven year old son? He is already medicated but I am afraid this will send him over the edge.


View replies by

Liz - posted on 06/03/2012




If my husband lost a lot of weight, took off a lot, became self absorbed and wanted to talk about separation/divorce, I'd be wondering with whom he was having an affair. Not necessarily true or helpful, I know, but I'd definitely be suspicious.

If it's not that, have the two of you grown apart in some way that you could discuss? Does he have different hobbies that you don't share, especially now that he has lost weight? There might be some room for you to re-establish common ground and re-center your partnership.

If not and your husband is not inclined to attempt any meaningful discourse aimed at preventing a split or in taking part in counselling sessions, for example, then the best thing in my opinion would be to be honest with your son. He's going to need reassurance that both his parents still love him, that he's not going to 'lose' mommy or daddy and that - critically - your split is not his fault in any way. He may need some counselling of his own to get through this and it may be worth while to investigate this in advance, so that it is easy for you to set it up.

It'll also be important to help him express his feelings constructively, perhaps through drawing or writing, but above all so that he knows that his feelings are important and that you both listen to him. Kids can be prone to assuming that parents are not listening to them if they're getting divorced, because after all the kid is likely to be pleading (both vocally and internally) for them not to split...and yet they still are. Reinforcement of the concept of your son's importance and the value of his wants/needs is therefore essential.

Hope that helps, but most of all I hope that you manage to get through what must be a very worrying and trying time.

[deleted account]

If this happens well I would sit down and tell my son, that I love him and daddy just has to go away because things are the way he wants them. If you tell him, your son might have a reaction that may be the total opposite. If you don't tell him something, then he may think it is because of him. It's best to be honest about the truth, than to hold back. It will be easier in the end. Has your husband been acting unstable for a while? If so, maybe that's why your son is acting unstable.
I hope things work out. But if your husband don't quit acting that way, your sons unstableness can intend to get worse all because of the negativity your husband is throwing out there for him to see. The children knows alot more and sees alot more than we realize and they can take alot more than we give them credit for. If you don't tell the truth to him, he might get upset with you later on in life because you didn't.

Louise - posted on 05/31/2012




You try and keep your son away from any negotiations until you know if you are having a separation or deivorce. Divorce is final and there is no going back from that. If it is a divorce that you are going for then your son needs you both to sit down with him and tell him that you both love him very much but you are not in love with one another. If you are separating then this is different as there is still a possibility that you will work things out. In this case you need to tell your son together that you need time apart to work out what you want to do. He is 7 years old and I am sure he is aware of problems. He is not a baby and he needs to know what is going on.

My heart goes out to you it really does. I hope you can sort things out and work things through.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms