Husband needs advice

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 04/04/2013

7,227

7

909

Your wife needs to grow up and learn that things do not always work out like we want them. SHe also needs to REMEMBER she agreed about getting pregnant about the time this trip was in the talks and that if she did get pregnant she would not get to go. She sounds like a 2 year old instead of a wife or maybe a teen girl with drama issues. I know that sounds harsh but its what you are saying.

1) Remind her she agreed about this trip no matter what was going on when it came time for it be it being pregnant and not going or going.

2) She needs to let you have some fun with friends and trips and things. It sounds like this idea of spending time with family and friends is one sided.

3) THis is not her mother's business but if she wants to help by all means let mom inlaw help.

4) Don't cancel. Go! You deserve it for once.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

9 Comments

View replies by

Victoria - posted on 04/05/2013

1

0

0

James, have you considered showing your wife this post? I think it would be a good way for her to really understand your side of things. I know that women (and men!) sometimes only hear what we want to hear... but I feel that in this post you have clearly stated your reasons and beliefs for your side and in a way that she might understand it like she hasn't before.

Also, in regards to the whole "make it worse" argument about shortening the trip... I think she WANTS you to cancel and/or shorten, but she doesn't want you to do it because of her. She wants you to realize that (in her mind) it's the right thing to do. That's why she's saying it'll make things worse; it'll be her fault... people will blame her and think ill of her... and who wants that?
I'm not saying that she's right about the "make it worse" argument, and I could be completely wrong about her reasoning. Just my two cents.

I'm hoping that when you get back from the trip, she realizes that it's only a week, not the end of the world. Your kids won't forget who daddy is. Would she be reacting like this if you had a business trip that took you away for a week? Probably not. Granted, I know nothing of any trust issues in your relationship, which may also be the cause of her anger. But it sounds to me like she's upset that you get to go have fun, not have to worry about kids, etc etc. while she doesn't. Which is completely okay to be upset about, but she needs to identify the root of her problems before y'all can fix it.

Dove - posted on 04/04/2013

11,620

0

1348

I wouldn't fly no matter how pregnant I was... 4 weeks, 4 months, etc.... It would not be worth the risk (no matter how small) to me... and I know other women who feel the same way... and other women who don't. So, I agree with 'Little Miss' that it may be worth asking about.

Other than that.... men are idiots and pregnant women are crazy, so.... I don't have anything helpful to put here.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/04/2013

21,273

9

3058

"my wife was there when I asked the agent about flying while pregnant, and was told no way at 6-7 months pregnant. So I booked it for one."

What....is your agent a doctor? Cause last I knew, doctors were the ones to decide when a pregnant women should no longer fly. My sister was 8 months for my wedding, and guess what? She had to fly to get where I lived. So, maybe talk with your wife, and see if she still wants to go. At her next appointment, she can asked to be cleared for flying. That will solve it.

Ev - posted on 04/04/2013

7,227

7

909

Also not all pregnant women get so emotional and illogical either. I know of a few myself that were not like that. If its true in her case, I am sorry but she did agree to whole setup of this trip depending on her getting pregnant now instead of later. That could have been a great option: Go on trip and get pregnant there. What is six months difference? My kids are seven years apart. Not by my choice either. But there you have it. Still to me it sounds like she wants it her way or else.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/03/2013

13,207

21

2014

Ok, I withdraw my statement, James.

You feel as if it would be unfair of her to expect you to stay behind with her. You feel that you should be allowed to go have fun at this "destination wedding". You feel that you are fully justified in that, and you don't seem to really be trying to figure out what's bothering your wife.

From the wife's point of view: She's fat, she's ugly, she's uncomfortable. She has a screaming 2 yo that won't go to daddy for comforting, and daddy doesn't really seem to understand how he's helping by being involved and present. Her husband, who seemed devoted to her prior to this pregnancy is now obsessed with going on this trip, without taking her feelings into account. Her husband, who knowingly booked a trip that couldn't be cancelled (Why on earth did you not get a flight that could be changed, if you knew at the very beginning that something like this was a possibility, I don't know, but...), is now trying to come up with reasons that he should take the trip, the number one being "I can't change the flight"

I take it you didn't figure this pregnancy out during the first go around?

Did you even bother to do the whole pamper/talk/communicate thing that I suggested earlier? Or did you just decide that, since the flight was unchangeable, she'd just have to deal with it, and you'll call mother in law to help out? (Which, by the way, may be what's pissing her off...I didn't want my mother anywhere NEAR me when pregnant)

You two need to figure out the open communication deal soon...good luck

Onetraeh - posted on 04/01/2013

162

0

37

Well all I can think about this is tht she must be irrational due to hormones;pregnancy as I've discovered is basically like 24 hour pms moodiness for nine months straight.otherwise I hope she's not one of those complainer women when she has a good man;for these type of ladies I can only think they don't know wht a bad one is?I'm not really sure but wht I want to know is where r all these men tht have stay at home wives?(I mean I do have a partner but if this ish doesn't work out then I really want to know!)I want to stay @ home!anyway I'm sure she's just being emotional & maybe if u bought her some flowers or something tht'd be nice
P.s. srry tht your son has eczema;one of my sissys had it pretty bad whn we were growing up & she grew out of it so hopefully it will happen for u guys

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/01/2013

13,207

21

2014

I agree with Rebekah, with one addendum:

She's pregnant. What seemed logical and well talked over by the two of you prior to the pregnancy does not seem so now, when she's looking at it from the pregnant side of the coin.

So, take her out, pamper her, and TALK! Find out what's bugging her, whether it's that she can't go, that you can go, that she's pregnant and worried...because, it's better to get that figured out now. It will also help you make a decision.

Personally, I think destination weddings are selfish, and wouldn't have agreed to go, with or without my hubby. Plus, we wouldn't have been comfortable leaving our kids for even a week...

Rebekah - posted on 04/01/2013

344

4

132

From the way you present it, I don't blame you for wanting to go and I think you should be able to without having a guilt trip held over your head. You have presented a lot of rational reasons that justify your going...and none of those reasons should be news to her (I'm hoping you've talked about all those things?). But I can only think she's coming from an emotional response versus a logical one. Pregnancy can do that...whether its hormones, or insecurity she may be feeling (body changes, wondering how she'll handle two children, etc), or feeling overwhelmed at the major change that's coming in your lives....hard to know exactly, but I guess I'd encourage you to find out what is at the heart of her anger and resentment. Is she afraid? Does she worry that she'll have complications with her pregnancy and you won't be there? Are there trust issues between you?

If its purely her being mad that she's missing a good time, then I think she needs to come to terms with that. As you said, she knew it was a possibility when plans were made, and for her to go back on the deal is unfair of her. When I read your reasons to go, I could pick up on some resentment of your own...that you have yielded to her, but now she seems unwilling to accommodate you (without guilt). Does she understand that you also have anger about this? If you haven't had a heart to heart (being "vocal" isn't always the same about talking openly and honestly about something), then I encourage you to keep communicating with her. I don't see why you shouldn't be able to go...all bases would be covered. But she's upset about something, and you need to find out what it is. If there is nothing but her own selfishness behind that, then you need to decide as her partner what to do about that. Good luck.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms