Husband on travel and Im not coping well

Crystal - posted on 08/20/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My husband is on travel he has been away for 2 months now and it doesnt seem like he will be back soon. I am having a lot of trouble coping with it. I try to talk to my friends to help me calm down because I miss him so much but they just feed my fears. They say things like he has a new life and doesnt want to come home or he is cheating and I was already upset that he couldnt come back when he was suppose to. I ended up asking him questions which just upset him and we fought and have not spoken since. I dont want to fight with him I just want to feel secure and that he misses the kids and I. I just need some advise so I can handle this better and not stress him while he is working.

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April - posted on 08/24/2015

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Crystal,
Let me first say I do not think you are going crazy at all. It sounds like you are going through a very tough situation, and I think just about anyone would feel like you in a similar situation. I won’t try to presume to know where your husband’s mind and heart is right now. It does sound like he is surrounding himself with people and environments that are not helpful to him or his marriage though. Have you thought about trying counseling? Even if he won’t (or can’t due to the distance), a counselor can help you work through these thoughts and tough situations. Sometimes we just need that outside person to give us their point of view or just someone to be our sounding board. A counselor can help you do that. I found a great article that has helpful information about long distance relationships. Maybe it will help you too: bit.ly/1TY5J7T. I don’t know if you are a spiritual person, but prayer really helped me in my marriage. At least in my experience, sometimes talking with God was the only strength I had. I will be praying for you. Please let me know if there is anything specifically you would like me to pray for.

Crystal - posted on 08/22/2015

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April
The only thing that he has ever done to make me question him was a friendship with another female. He made friends with her at an old job which was fine but she got sick (cancer) and he was supportive which I encourged. After she "beat it" she started to get real clingy to my husband. I told him something wasnt right and female does not cling to a male unless she wants more than a friendship. He did not believe and told me I was being crazy. Well about a year ago I met her he wanted to ease my thoughts about her. I knew he wouldn't do anything with her but she was still constantly trying to take my husbands attention away from his family and on to her. Sometimes he did pay more attention to her than us. He also did things for her that where similar to things I had asked him to do for me and he said he didnt feel like it. I had spoken with him about that and he understood that is was wrong to do something else for someone else when he wouldnt do it for me. Well one night while my husband and I were lying in bed she sent him a love song "the one that got away" and told him that she was in love with him. I told him he needed to end the friendship because I was right about her the whole time and that proved it. Now my husband can be very blind when it comes to women. for example when I first went out with him casual dating we kissed and then he got into a serious relationship with someone else. After a while we dated again and I asked him why he dated someone else. He said he didnt know that I liked him like that. So I laughed and said I just dont kiss guys I dont want to try to be more with. Now that being said he is across the country with his best friend and business partner and his friend's long time girlfriend broke up with him because he couldnt come home yet. That was over a few weeks ago. My husband has been taking him to adult entertainment clubs which makes me uncomfortable. I dont mind it once in a while but it is everytime they get a few days off. I do know from experience in my area not all of the entertainers are just entertaining they will do more for money. He also has been very short with me on the phone lately. Before he left when where fighting and he said things to me so he would get his way and was barely home running around with his friend and putting us to the side which also made me insecure about our relationship. I should mention his friend is staying with us. When his friend left for a job for a week things calmed down. I want to talk to him about these things but when I bring up any issues while he is away he get mad or upset and doesnt want to deal with it. I dont know if Im going crazy or what but when his friend isnt around he is the loving man I married but when he is around his friend its a totally different thing.

April - posted on 08/21/2015

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I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time with your husband being gone. My husband is not gone for long stretches, but I hate when he works over or works a lot. I try to be upbeat and supportive though, because I want to be an encourager for my husband plus I know he is working hard to provide for us. I know that sometimes that is easier said than done. While friends can be well-meaning, sometimes our closest friends give not so helpful advice. I would encourage you to just focus on what your husband is saying, and not all the “advice” friends are giving. Has your husband ever been unfaithful or maybe given you a reason to think he might? Either way, fear of the unknown can make us think up scenarios that are not helpful in a relationship. Have you tried journaling your thoughts? That has always helped me when I am worried about my relationship with my husband. It helps to get my thoughts out without throwing 100 questions at my husband and making him paranoid that he has done something wrong. Haha. Do not be discouraged. Do everything you can to keep connected with your husband, keep positive thoughts flowing, and find things to keep your mind busy. I will be praying for you.

Crystal - posted on 08/20/2015

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He says he is too busy. Plus the cost of going from the east cost to the west cost is about 1000 per person one way and the company just started up. I dont know why he cant come home even for a few days. He says he has 24 hour access to the sites he working at and wants to work as much as possible so he can come home sooner but that doesnt seem to be working. I dont know if its because this is his first job for the company as a sub contractor and they are still learning to make it better or if the client is being demanding and he wants his company to really become successful and is worried if he walks away it will ruin the company.

Jodi - posted on 08/20/2015

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Why won't he let you and the kids go to see him? I'll be honest, I'mm not understanding why he can't come home, even if just for a few days.

Crystal - posted on 08/20/2015

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He started his own company and neither of us knew he would be gone on travel. He has a shedule but its just him and the co owner right now. Plus he is doing contracts he was suppose to come home after the current contract was complete but the client wants him to travel to the next site right after even though the supplies will not be there. I do not know why my friends say that maybe its because they are not in good relationships. I dont think he will be home for a while because he has a total of 3 contracts and 1 is just being completed now. He said the next on will be done in a week and half but he has to be to the next on by the 16th of September and that is about 2 months again. I just dont see no hope in sight. I told him maybe the kids and i could come out to see him he says no. Im really having trouble coping with him being gone

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/20/2015

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So, if he's traveling for work doesn't he have a schedule that you can have to help you know when he'll be home, for how long, etc?
Why would your friends tell you that he's 'got a new life' or 'he's cheating', if his work is a travelling job? Why would you feel that 'it doesn't seem he'll be back soon'?
Were you aware of this requirement for his job? is this the first time he's had to travel for work?
It is tough when the one we love has to be away, but if it is a necessary absence, such as work, we have to work through that.

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