Husband rarely helps stay at home mom with baby.

Laura - posted on 05/28/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am a first time mom with a 6 month old. I stay at home while my husband works. My husband rarely helps out with the baby and when he's not working, he is usually either watching tv, sleeping, fishing, or out drinking. I can't remember the last time he even changed her diaper. I have no friends or family around to help. When I try to tell him how tired I am, he doesn't want to hear it and responds by telling me how tired he is. When I tell him I need a break, he doesn't understand what I need a break from. I do my best to take care of the baby and cook and clean, but sometimes I neglect the cleaning and cooking because I don't have the energy. He will complain about how the house is a mess and how he hasn't eaten since the day before or whenever, as if it's my fault he hasn't eaten. I know I am lucky to be able to stay home with our baby, but I still need help, understanding, and emotional support. Has anyone else felt this lack of support, or am I the only one?

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Stephanie - posted on 05/30/2014

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I completely understand where you're coming from. I had the same situation when I was living with my son's father. I was always told how the house was too messy (when really there were just some baby toys on the floor and the papers I needed to work from home on the table). Nothing I did, seemed to be enough.

My son's father was gone all day at work or in class, so when he came home, it seemed as though he expected the house to be spotless. I had to remind him that I was not a 50's housewife.

I don't think men really understand how utterly exhausting it is to take care of an infant, especially one that needs constant care and snuggles. I could barely cook a 30 minute dinner without my son getting upset because he felt alone, even when he was in his playpen a few feet away.

If you're nursing your baby, it's more difficult to leave dad with the baby for a few minutes, but it's not impossible. Maybe on his day off you could take a nap, and let him have "bonding time." Also, you could have bathe the baby while you take a break from the constant care. Try having his mom or someone close to him explain how much energy it takes to have a child, & get him to see it from your point of view.

If that doesn't work, I would strongly suggest going to counseling so you can work through these issues.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/28/2014

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I would suggest that the two of you sit down with a counselor now. Baby duties belong to both, and if he can't see that, he needs to be reminded.

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Amie - posted on 05/31/2014

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unfortunately you being a stahm means that he has certain expectations of you. Ask him to watch the baby. Put yourself in his shoes. He provides a house and food for you and all he wants is a decent meal. Take time to go out with each other. Get a babysitter have fun as a couple. Just because you are a mom doesnt mean that you are just a mom. you are also a woman and his wife. i bet he misses you just as much as you miss being you

Jodi - posted on 05/30/2014

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Ok, instead of telling him you are tired and telling him you need a break, ask him for specific help. By just telling him you are tired or need a break, he is not reading between the lines. Instead, ask him specifically to take the baby for a few hours so you can have a sleep, or go out for coffee with a friend, or something, just to give you a break. Be more specific with him about what you would really like from him.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/28/2014

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Well, I can kind of see his side...but...

When my kids were born, my hubby worked 3 hours away. So, I didn't have him wake for night feedings or any night trauma, because he had to be up at 3:30 am and on the road by 4:30 to get to work on time. The reverse drive usually had him arriving home around 8 pm on a good night, later on some. Even with that schedule, he'd come in, take the baby, and help.

Perhaps the two of you could have a night out, tell him you need to discuss 'things' about the baby. In a neutral setting (restaurant, etc), he'll be less likely to get upset, and may even listen. Don't make it about you...don't tell him how tired you get, etc. Make it about him spending quality time with his kid, bonding time. Remind him that you're a partnership, and that partners, equal partners, take an equal share.

Laura - posted on 05/28/2014

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That's how I do it, too. And I am very patient person, but after so long of doing the same thing over and over, I just need a break.

Divina - posted on 05/28/2014

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,me too..but when my 4 months old asleep i did the household chores.. more patience .

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