Husband says he does not love our son :(

Mel - posted on 12/17/2010 ( 85 moms have responded )

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Thank you all for your encouragement, honesty and prayers. i just wanted to update you all and let you know I am currently with my children elsewhere with family. I couldn't bear what had transpired and late last night we were packed up and gone. Just for the record i was NOT at home when this all went down i was at the dr, he is NEVER with the kids alone because he hasn't felt he had the skill set to deal with all situations that arise, and normally would leave the situation completely when getting really frustrated and angry. That is our deal. But it still didn't stop me from being sometimes scared by the intensity of his emotions. There was NOT EVER any hitting on the head, he kept repeatedly smacking him on the leg (still COMPLETELY unnacceptable); but it does not change what happened or what was said, or the fact that the other adult in the house at the time felt they could not help or control the situation that had arrisen. If there was ever any hitting on the head there wouldn't be a hole deep enough to bury him in. But we have gone, cause as i explained yesterday, the whole deal is toxic, and for him to even do this once is enough for me to say you are no longer safe. Thanks everyone. I will update next when i get the chance.

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Katherine - posted on 12/17/2010

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If your MIL is telling you to get out, you need to GET OUT. There are woman's shelters there are places to go, if you need numbers PM me and I will give them to you.

That must be a horrible thing to have to go through.

Violence is a big trait among Aspies and if he is beating your son and your daughter is seeing this you have no choice but to leave.

It sounds like your MIL would be very supportive, maybe you could go there?

Found it: http://www.thehotline.org/get-help/







* Contact



1.800.799.SAFE

SHARIFAH NORJANNAH - posted on 12/23/2010

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Be brave, be strong, we mothers will band together and pray for you......

Isobel - posted on 12/17/2010

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so you packed your bags and left? Please tell me you packed your bags and left :(

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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Oh Geez. This just breaks my heart.



You need to get OUT, QUICK. This man is an abuser. Sorry, but HUGE red flags. He has no right being a father to EITHER of those children. To even imagine someone saying they would smack a 4 year old until they bleed, I'm sorry, that just makes me physically ill. I am an objective observer (as in I don't know any of you), and that just brought a lump in my throat, tears to my eyes, and nearly made me want to throw up.



Do you have family you can go to. Friends? Whatever it takes, you need to get out. You are doing the right thing. I understand this is tearing you apart, but this is just an absolutely toxic situation, and it is not good for ANY of you.



Also, start looking for a good lawyer. ASAP.

Sheila - posted on 12/24/2010

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I agree with the other comments. This is not a good situation....and u should seek help somewhere. U might not think u need to, but trust me, they have some very helpful info. (My ex husband was physically abusive to me from 1994-1999. I finally put him in jail and got a restraining order. It was the. Hardest thing. I had a 6 and 3 yr old, I did not work, no income or savings, he owned his own business that was going under, UGH!! but I did it and it was a great thing.....I am now remarried, 4 kids, and a nurse)!!
On another note, you need to be smart about this. You need some help with what's goin to happen in the future ....most likely, by u leaving, he will get the kids part time. And you need to be ready to deal w that. ( my ex got his daughter every other weekend after 3 months of anger management classes(..my son was not his..)....that sucked. I couldn't do anything about it) unless he just walks away...could you suggest counseling?, I know that isn't that helpful, but you have to consider what's going to happen in the future, and are you going to be ok w it? Gosh, what an Ass.
Good luck, message me if u need to chit chat!!
I know its tough, your Babies come before anything...

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Sheila - posted on 01/01/2011

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HHope you r getting thru this difficult time with family/friends ........
Happy New Year
I just wanted to check in on you.

Lynn - posted on 01/01/2011

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Mel, I never saw the original post but have read through all of these posts and from what I have read, it is like looking at my old life.You have done the very best thing you could for yourself and your children,too many women stay,hoping they can 'make him better', you can't and even if you could,would you want to,knowing what he is capable of?The man is sick and if his own mother is worried, then there is more to it than you know.

One thing a friend told me when I was in a violent situation,for me and my son,was, if your first instinct is to run, it is the only thing you should do,don't plan to leave,don't look for somewhere to go, just grab your children and run like the wind and never look back.You can live without your belongings,but can you live without your children?

If a man is violent to you or your child once,he WILL do it again,but it always escalates.At least now you can be safe in the knowledge your children are alive and can live without fear.

I had no help or support when it happened to me 10 years ago,so I did it alone and my son was not yet diagnosed with aspergers,it is only now after 10 years he is telling me stuff his dad said and did,stuff which I wish I had known then,I'd of wanted to kill him,but that is not an option,but I would of had him put in prison for what he has done.Because I did not know how bad things were when I was at work and my son was still so small,we did not have counselling and I wish it had been on offer at the time because it is having long term effects on us both but my son will not go see anyone now.

Take some time, breathe,let your children have the love and support of family members so they see not all adults are bad, then in the new year,have a list ready of tasks that will set you up for the next stage in your lives.

Please,get a lawyer who will fight tooth and nail in the courts to make sure he only ever has supervised visits with your children,if any at all.Don't let him know where you end up living,he does not need that information.Let any caregivers such a nursery or schools know he is a danger and is not to collect the children,if they see him nearby they should call the police.Do any and everything you can to build your case for divorce court,but mostly to keep you all safe.Your children are your gift from God, he entrusted them to you knowing you would lay down your life to keep them from the devil and sadly,their sperm donor is the devil in their lives.

I wish you all the strength and love in the world as you begin this new stage in your life, you will not regret it.It will be hard,sometimes when the kids are asleep,you will sit and cry,you will feel helpless,but it will not last,I promise,I've been there.Better to shed a few tears while they are safe in bed, than to shed tears at your childs graveside because 'Daddy' was the monster who refused to control himself. No matter what is wrong with the man, it is not your problem,the second he started feeling anything other than overwhelming love for your children,he should of talked about it,tried to deal with things because that should of been a red flag to begin with.If he was a real man,he would of removed himself from the situation,but instead he hurt your child.

Stay safe, do not ever go back to him, no matter what help he seeks,he is not worthy of those children.You never return to a dangerous situation, you and your children are too precious to suffer,die even,at the hands of this monster.Don't even agree to meet him to discuss divorce,never.Do it all through lawyers.If this man is as volatile as he sounds, what is to say that since he can't harm your son anymore, that he might not take you from the children?Men do it the world over,if he can't have the power over you all anymore,who is to say what his sick mind might think of doing to you? 2011 will be hard to begin with, but it will be the year you become your childrens hero, the best role model they could wish to have, be happy.

Helen - posted on 12/31/2010

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Mel well done 4 leaving, i know its hard,u here so many abusive situations its sometimes to late, least not 4 u. Keep strong and the love u feel 4 ur kids will guide u along 2 a happy and safe life.

Candra - posted on 12/31/2010

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Whether leaving was the right thing or staying and chaanging the locks, the important thing is that you have your family away from this situation. God bless you and again I'm praying!

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I haven't been around for the whole story, but I just wanted to say good luck to you honey. Take good care of yourself and your babies. You are doing the right thing. God bless and keep you and your family.
-Mary

Sarah - posted on 12/30/2010

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Mel, you did the right thing leaving immediately to keep you and your children safe. PLEASE consider calling the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD. This organization will help you get connected with support you need to make a longer-term plan and will help you to prevent abuse in your home. If you are on facebook you can link to ChildHelp, Protect and many other groups that may be able to offer some support. I am sorry you are going through this. Keep going, get the help of experts and you will get through. I will keep you and your kids in my thoughts.

Amy - posted on 12/30/2010

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I congratulate you on the brave decision to stand up for yourself and your children. However, I would not have rewarded your husband by leaving the home. I would have changed the locks and moved all of his belongs out of the home. When you displace an abuser out of their comfort zone only then do they seek help and change. Stay strong and do not take him back!

Candra - posted on 12/30/2010

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How very sad. I can't imagine how sad this makes u feel. Perhaps inside he is very sad too. Infact he could b just an angry person that doesn't realy meann it but stil so very awful!!!!I have u and your son in my prayers.

Glendis E - posted on 12/30/2010

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The only thing I can is that if he doesn'tlove ur kids he never love u at all n is better. That u left him n maybe he would realize wat he lost.

Kim - posted on 12/29/2010

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the only thing that i want to say to you all is .a family that prays together stay together! god be with you all.

Kari - posted on 12/27/2010

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I think it is great that you left, it means you are putting your children first,and that is the best thing! I have not seen your previous posts, so I don't know the whole story, but it seems that you made the right decision. There are too many stories of children being abused, and it is heartbreaking when it seems their parents do nothing about it. It seems that you have taken the steps to protect your children, and I applaud you for that. I am a single parent, and it is not easy, but you will find a way to do what is best for your kids!! Best of luck, and you will be in my thoughts.

Corine - posted on 12/24/2010

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I'm glad you have left, you need to do whats best for you and your children, I think hes needs to get some help as I want to mention that men too can suffer from PND, and as someone who has suffered it myself is not something to be ignored, wont go into it but I thought things that i never want to think about again it was a scary time for me untill I got help! but maybe this is something he is dealing with???? it is no excuse for what he is doing and to leave was the best thing. hope you and your kids are looking forward to a brighter future

Angela - posted on 12/24/2010

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My prayers are with you and your family. It sounds like you have started the planning phase of getting out of this situation and starting your life over. I hope that all works out for you and your children. Be blessed.

Clare - posted on 12/23/2010

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I think you are very brave and courageous. Good for you, you are strong for your baby and that's how you should be. You sound like a clever lady and don't ever let anyone tell you different. Wishing you all the best for the future for your family - best wishes from Scotland xxx

Lorrie - posted on 12/23/2010

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Stay strong and keep doing what is right for your kids. They need you to protect them!

Margie - posted on 12/23/2010

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You have done the right thing. Take care yourself and kids and good things will come i n time your way if you ask God for guidance and patiently wait on him.

Margie - posted on 12/23/2010

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Thank goodness you left. Stay away, Be safe and as soon as possible get a divorce. Work on taking care of yourself and the precious children and pray for guidance and strength and someday, if you choose God will send you someone suitable for husband and father.But don't rush. Let those kids be first priority.O.K. Love and prayers

Tracy - posted on 12/23/2010

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I'm so glad you did the smart but hard thing and got out. I hope you stay gone and get some help for you and your kids. They have no one else but you. If you go back, it's tantamount to letting the sperm donor (can't call him a daddy) know that he can get away with what he's doing. Please stay strong girl. Sending up some prayers for you and your sweet kids.

Mina - posted on 12/22/2010

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Congratulations on taking the measures to get out and ensure your and your children's safety! It takes a huge amount of courage to walk away, one day your children will recognise that you made the move and I am sure this will be a better situation for you all. You have made the right decision to walk away, stay strong and love those littlies!

Gloria - posted on 12/22/2010

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Well I am glad you and your children are out and safe . Don't go back until this man seeks help with his problem . Maybe he was hurt by someone as a child , and don't know how to deal with it . Violents is a cycle that can be stop . So he really needs counseling .Glad to hear other telling you what to do , there are a lot of people who care. Children dont need to treated that way . God Bless you and your family and have a nice Christmas and New Year.

Johnnie - posted on 12/22/2010

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I believe you did the right, Maybe you should talk to your Minister for some help on this situation, and pray is need also. Keep your head, and look to the hill from where you strength comes from, because your help comes from the Lord who made heaves and earth. This Scripture is from the 121 Pslams.

Louise - posted on 12/22/2010

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Good luck for the future. You have done the right thing by leaving him. Now you have to build a life for yourself and your son and hopefully you will find a man that can love you both the way you deserve to be loved.

Dana - posted on 12/21/2010

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I'm glad you've gotten out, Mel. I hope you and the kids are able to have a happy holiday.

Krista - posted on 12/21/2010

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Mel, I am so proud of you. You've done the right thing by protecting those children -- it's the best Christmas gift you could have given them: a brand-new start.

I hope that the new year brings you all sorts of good luck, happiness, health and prosperity.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/21/2010

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I am so proud of you! I wish you the best of luck in your new and improved life! Love yourself and your little ones as much as you can, and you just showed how much you do!

Kalistae - posted on 12/21/2010

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my father first "spanked" my brother at 4 months old because my brother was "giving him attitude". the beatings didn't stop, and in the end the only reason my sister was "loved" was because he was molesting her. please, your children can't save themselves.

Sherri - posted on 12/20/2010

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Kelly are you seriously blaming this mom for doing the right thing and leaving. She only has 2 children and didn't know he was like this until her youngest her son was born. You need a dope slap girlfriend!!

Victoria - posted on 12/20/2010

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Keep those kids away from him and never let them know what a crumb bum he is. Always tell them he loved them but he just cannot be with you all. Good for you that you left. You are the better parent by far for removing them from that situation.

Candace - posted on 12/18/2010

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yea for you..... It took a lot of courage to do it... but that was the first step.. my theory is you do not go back from where you left.. I use that for life, job anything that is not the way it should be for your comfortable. The children will understand when they get older.. take care of yourself, those precious babies and try to have a good holiday.. it will be for you are all safe and sound! God Bless you all

Merry - posted on 12/18/2010

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Thank you Mel! Now I can stop worrying about you! Please let us know if we al can help any way. I'm sure all of us are more then willing to help you out any way we can!
Stay strong, don't go back, even if he sounds convincing!

Lissa - posted on 12/18/2010

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I'm so glad you and your children are safe, thanks for updating us, I for one went to sleep thinking of you all. You have been strong and you can continue to do so and make a better life for you and your children. Get all the support you can, take care and good luck.

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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Mel, I am glad to hear you and the children are out. I hope you have plenty of support :) Good luck with everything, and I hope your husband can get the help he needs. There is something very wrong with him that needs to be dealt with. Take care :)

Jessica - posted on 12/17/2010

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how can anyone say that about kids let alone your own kids what is wrong with him

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Thank God you and the kids are safe. I am glad you let us know. After reading your original post I prayed for you and your kids safety. God bless and best wishes.

Maria - posted on 12/17/2010

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GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If he's this frustrated now and has absolutely not love for your son it will only get worse. It's not healthy for your daughter to see this and deffinately not for your son. I would leave this moment and not look back. It'll be hard and both your children will probably ask to go back and say they miss dad and he'll promise to change. But stay strong and do what's best for you babies in the long run. Good luck and stay strong.

Sylvia - posted on 12/17/2010

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Yes, you need to leave. Don't wait to find your own place -- go now. Go to a motel if you can afford it for a few days, go to a friend's or a family member's, go to a shelter. Enlist all the help and support you can.

Take it from someone who had an (emotionally) abusive parent: it's almost as damaging for your daughter to witness something like this as it is for your son to experience it -- it's bad, bad, bad. And maybe it'll never happen again ... but maybe it will. If I were you I wouldn't wait around to find out.

Kara - posted on 12/17/2010

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Get out and get out fast!!!! This man is evil and an abuser. You MUST think of yourself, son and daughter.

Jodi - posted on 12/17/2010

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Get out now! He is abusing your son physically, mentally and emotionally...how much more do you need?

Go to a shelter and worry about the details later, they'll help you figure it all out, including restraining orders, money, housing, jobs etc etc etc.

Nicole - posted on 12/17/2010

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Document everything conversations, phone calls etc! You need to get your children out of the situation. I am so sorry for you but especially your SON! Good luck!

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