husband step grandaughter

Maria - posted on 05/22/2014 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm married to my husband who has a stepdaughter who has a daughter age 8. When his second wife died he took the responsibility of taking care of that child. Meaning free babysitting after school. Her mother works from 830 to 6 everyday so my husband is obligated to pic her up and spend time with her 3 hours everyday. I told him this is too much. Why cant she find another babysitter. I'm always arguing about it.no matter what I do,this child will not like me. The child told my son that she wishes I divorce her gp so her n her mother can have him for themselves. I haven't talk to the mom about this. I don't know if I should n if i do my husband will have a fit. I don't know what to do. My marriage is falling apart. Please help

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Michelle - posted on 05/24/2014

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I agree with Jodi, It's his choice if he wants to continue to look after his Grand Daughter. You can't dictate what another adult does. He's not your child, he's old enough to be your Father though. I would say you need to back off before you ruin any chance of having a relationship with his step daughter and grand daughter.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/24/2014

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Unfortunately, this post brings to mind my own 'step'...my father's current wife, who is my husband's age...

Not only did she marry my father expecting him to monetarily support her children, put them thru college (where her ex was, I have no clue), and be her sugar daddy, but she takes EXTREME offense when daddy gives his biological children attention or monetary gifts. She's tried to have me evicted from the house I bought from my father, she's tried to force him to cut ties to his biological children and his biological grandchildren, even going so far as to attempt to divorce him while he was stationed overseas with the Army in Afghanistan a few years back.

Fortunately the emotional blackmail did not work. The funny thing is, I have no problem with daddy interacting with and loving her kids and grandkids, but she sees me as a 'threat' to her future, because she knows that myself and my brothers are named ahead of her in his will.

Jodi - posted on 05/23/2014

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And this commitment he made sounds like it took place before you even came into the picture. So why did you marry him if it is such a problem for you. Sorry, but you have no right to dictate to him that this situation isn't acceptable. It's not your call. You chose to accept it when you married him. Don't try to change it now.

Is it any wonder the young girl doesn't like you if all you do is argue about this situation? Kids are also very perceptive, they can tell when you don't like them.

Your husband is right, you are overreacting.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/23/2014

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He most likely raised his step daughter, and loves her as much as he would a biological child, thus his choice (yes HIS CHOICE) to babysit his granddaughter.

If you cannot handle his past, you should not have married him. If my mother were to die tomorrow, and my stepfather remarry, HE'D STILL BE MY KIDS' GRANDFATHER, and he'd still want to be involved in their lives.

Get over it. You are griping about 15 hours in a 168 hour week.

Maria - posted on 05/22/2014

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Hi Kim, thanks for your advice. I will talk to him again. But talking with the step daughter and grandaughter would be impossible. My husband thinks I'm over reacting. I really want to text her step daughter but I dont know How to start the txt. My husband is 74 and have back problems that cannot be fix and I'm worrried about him. He comes home after and tired and in pain. I'm 46 years old and need time with him but whe do is watch tv and go to bed.

Kim - posted on 05/22/2014

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So his stepdaughter from his deceased wife is who has the daughter who said that? I know this is very hard but open communication is always the best way it may be uncomfortable but how have you guys handled other conflicts maybe you could approach it the same way. If he truly loves you like you love him he will want to make things better and I am not sure how you can win over his granddaughter they are basically family so he wont want to cut them off. I don't know how to say any of this without sounding rude because I am sincerely trying to help you. I had issues with my stepdaughter before but we somehow just all sat down and talked about it all, now it is just occasional attitude issues that comes with the age. So what I would do in your situation is talk to your husband alone first and then sit down with him and his stepdaughter and grandchild all together and try and talk about what everyones problem is which then could lead to a decent solution. I wish you the best of luck

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