Husband texting another woman, I am pregnant

Marie - posted on 09/26/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hello!
Please forgive me if this is in the wrong place, I am new here. I just really need some advice. I am pregnant with our second child and I have been going through this emotional problem - husband texting a colleague. A little bit of background info: this person came along last year and this is when we started having problems. I didn't even know of her existence until this summer. The entire last year he was short, rude, always dissatisfied with how the family life is, etc. He yelled and cursed at me, which he never did before. Something was just changing, it was my intuition I guess that was telling me. So this summer we took a break and I headed to stay with my parents. It was then that I noticed he was getting texts from a weird number. I did my research and found out it belonged to a woman over a decade older than him, but she's single, no children, so has all the time in the world to take care of herself. The texts were then sporadic, and I saw some of them when he came to visit, they were just platonic. However, I am not fond of some colleague texting a personal cell #, what is this chick hoping for? She maybe knew I was gone, I don't know. So this month, it's been like several times a week! I have confronted him about her, he is very uncomfortable, but stated something like she's cool and he is going to choose who he talks to and who he doesn't, I can't control him. I've been looking at his phone, he found out about it. I don't have access to his emails, so maybe there's something going on too, I don't know for sure. I doubt they went really far yet, but the fact that this female keeps at my husband is not pleasing to me. She gives him compliments in her texts and from what I heard, she's very soothing, which I am not - because I am managing a household, not just going to yoga classes! I am in the very early stages of pregnancy. Something in his demeanor is different, I feel he's watching me closely too, spying on me, waking up super early to check my stuff as well (strange even on days he doesn't have work), etc. We just have this weird thing hanging in the air, lack of trust. He tells me to calm down. I can't. I am sorry for the ramble... I just got nobody to talk to and find myself crying a lot. I almost want to confront her and tell her to stop *** texting my husband! I'd rather know of any kind of infidelity so I can move on. I am not the type to latch on to someone because I don't have anywhere to go. Please help with sound advice, no judging please.

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Raye - posted on 09/28/2015

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It seems that your husband has been dissatisfied with the relationship for a while. And the fact that he would find solace in another woman (whether they are having sex or not), is proof that he's still unhappy. He does need to choose. You can't control if he talks to other women, but you can control whether you stick around and let him humiliate and degrade you. If you don't have trust, you don't have a good relationship. If I were you, I'd make plans to get out on my own and file for divorce. Don't do the private investigator crap, because that's just inviting more trouble. Try to work it out with him, but if he doesn't want to, then that tells you all you need to know that he doesn't care for you. Then move on.

Gena - posted on 09/27/2015

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To be honest I personally wouldn't even hire a private investigator. I would sit down with him and tell him he can choose. Family or that woman. As simple as that..if he chooses family he may not text her and if he does kick him out! If he chooses her-kick him out!

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Marie - posted on 09/26/2015

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Thank you for your post! It is helpful. One question, I am very new to this, can anyone tell me about hiring a private investigator? How much would it cost, where to even find one, etc? Sorry, maybe stupid questions, but I never used this type of service, so it's a little strange just contacting someone off the Internet, and being unprepared!

JAD - posted on 09/26/2015

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Please breath....you are pregnant. And please understand that many women go through this type of situation. The best way to get back to a man is not to care and right now that is hard because you're pregnant and your hormones are everywhere. Please stop crying because it does effect how your body responds to the pregnancy. I know how you feel.

You're intuition is probably right and the only thing I can thing I can suggest is to hirer a private investigator, stash away cash for you & your kids, gather all the data on him & his assets (USA and off shore) and then file for divorce after you have the 2nd child. Get the alimony & child support. Harder than it seems but better to be alone then unhappy.

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