Husband texting other women....

Amy - posted on 07/19/2011 ( 35 moms have responded )

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I am having issues with my husband and text messages also. He thinks it is ok to text other women because it is all innocent. But a few of them send pictures. He says they are not "bad" pictures. Also, just recently he was texting a girl for a friend so his wife would not find out. Now, my husband is the one communicating with her and not his friend. He stated that he has known her for a long time. I checked his phone the other day and saw that they have never met physically and she finds it awesome how close they are! She is seeing someone right now but is not serious. Well, also on my husbands phone i saw where he wants to meet her before they (girl and her boyfriend) get serious. He offered to pay for her gas. He wants to meet about 2 hours away from where we live and they can dance and drink and no one will bother them! I was totally shocked when I saw this. Still have not said anything to him. He PROMISED me she was just a friend. That is not all!! Yesterday he accidentally left his phone at work (we work together at the local sheriffs office). I had to go thru it! I had recently requested her to be my friend on facebook. She had told him in a text message that she was going to approve my request because she has nothing to hide. My husband then tells her that I only did it to see if he was flirting or not and that he wouldn't do it there! Then says that I wont be a b$(%ch about anything but if I was he would get rid of my a$$. This really hurt!
He has no clue that I know any of this. I was smart and forwarded the messages to my phone and sent them to my email so I have proof. What do I do!??? I love him with all my heart and forgive him. But I am tired of hurting! If I confront him about it he always tries to make it my fault or will bring up something I didn't do perfectly. Augh!!!! Help me please........

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Amy - posted on 07/19/2011

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I don't want to divorce. I love him so much. There are other females he talks to also. One that even sends pictures of herself. I have told him I don't like it and want it to stop but he still does it. Just going to sit back and see what happens I guess, not sure what else to do. I just want him to talk to me and give me the same compliments he gives them.

Konni - posted on 07/20/2011

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Know where your coming from! I had this problem with my husband, recently I caught him texting a 'friend' he would delete the messages, delete call logs and when I dound out it all & he said he would stop I found her number in his phone under the name 'Bruce'. I never saw any messages that bothered me, but it was the fact he was lying to me time and time again. He never saw what the big deal was and always told me I was over reacting. I think what you need to do is ask yourself when is enough enough? How long are you going to let him do this to you? He is emotionally cheating on you, it's just as hurtful as physical cheating. You need to sit down with him & tell him how your feeling and how much he is hurting you. If she is just a 'freind' and nothing is going on, it won't be a big deal for him to let her go. Ask him if she's worth your marriage? His answer should help you figure out what to do next, good luck with everything :)

Jenn - posted on 07/21/2011

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Now it is up to him to keep his life, his phone, his email etc, an open book. He will have to work long and hard to earn your trust in him. Good for you confronting him as you did!

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Awomanwhoisfedup - posted on 11/14/2013

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My boyfriend sends texts and messages to other women, he says he doesn't want me having a facebook. I know it is because if someone sees a picture of us it would be harder for a man to explain to a woman that we are together. He has been caught multiple times texting and calling other women, but swears that he will change and stop texting him. the best part is he will deny deny deny until I am fed up then he admits it and I for some reason keep giving in. It is frusterating because I don't deserve this and now he has a lock on his phone, its a # pin. which to me seems odd, but he says he cannot trust me bc I went thru his stuff before. he swears nothing happened with these other women and I don't believe that. As mush as I want to leave I don't, and I don't know why?

Amanda - posted on 07/25/2011

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Leave him. If he trully cared like a man should for his wife he would never disrespect you to a total stranger. And the mere fact he wants to meet her in person is a huge red flag. No respectable man would do such hurtful things to his wife. I'm divorced because everything was my fault. My ex drank because of me, did drugs because of me, then would lie about it because of me. I finally got it in my head it wasn't me. I was just his justification to do whatever he wanted. His mother even blamed me for his drug use..Which started when he was 12!! I'd say that was mom and dad's fault...not mine. So don't let him make you feel small. You are not. He is a D bag to even call you a B*$ch....to a stranger no less. Ugh. You deserve better.

Bonnie - posted on 07/21/2011

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I was going to say you should confront him, but since you just did, I will say, you definitely did the right thing. If you love him and want to be with him, he needed to know and hopefully this will knock some sense into his head and he will smarten up.

Amy - posted on 07/21/2011

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***UPDATE*** So I confronted him today. He was totally shocked! He has apologized tremendously. He said he was going to do everything he could to make it up to me. It felt good to talk to him about it. Thank you everyone for your comments!

Krystal - posted on 07/20/2011

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Your story reminds me of how my ex was. He always was the one saying I was cheating or talking to other men behind his back, when he was the one "texting" and doing god knows what else with other women. I am very glad I got out of it. Although my ex was abusive in many ways, I was in your shoes. I confronted him about it many times, and everytime he'd turn it on me and say it was either MY fault he was doing this or it was just a "friend"...turned out they were friends.....in the back of my car...everyday after he got off work. I was at home day and night taking care of everything, trying to make sure he was happy and only ever had to work....don't let him get to far with this.

Britt - posted on 07/20/2011

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saw you put up a profile pic. ! Thanks i can see ya now silly girl. how have you been doing? I see your in the drama mama community !!

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Ask him to quit communicating w/ these women and go to counseling w/ you. If he refuses.... you have a choice. Continue to put up w/ it knowing that he doesn't repect you and won't change... or leave.

Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2011

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Amy, first off I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Like Brittany, this sounds just like what I went through(and mine was very recent--2010). We are still not divorced but have been apart since Jan. 2010. My ex had also talked/texted "just friends" which bothered me. Had several of them as friends on his social network, etc. When I told him it bothered me he said I was over reacting. I tried to be the trusting wife, but couldn't help but wonder. Then in Jan. 2010 he said he wanted to seperate when I was 6 weeks pregnant. I found out later that he was having an affair with one of the "friends". We tried to do counseling, but he continued the affair and of course was lying the entire time saying it was finished. When I was 7-8 months pregnant I finally decided this is not what I want my life to be---he gets to do whatever he wants and treat me like poo, while I will be stuck worrying and stressing over it all. NO THANK YOU! So I filed for divorce, which actually surprised him because he thought that he had all the control. To date, he is still with the same girl and they live together and have a child(which he denied was his at first, but now he doesn't). Their child is only 1 month older than ours. Hmmm.

I know how you are feeling, because I did the whole phone check and even asked for all his passwords to everything because I did not trust him. Just think about it and decide what is best for you, your children, your health. You are in control of what happens, not him. And most important, find people that will be wonderful support for you through this. That is what has helped me the most. :-)

Stifler's - posted on 07/19/2011

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Tell him to stop lying. You don't meet up 2 hours away where no one can bother you if they're just a friend.

Amy - posted on 07/19/2011

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He is old enough to know better, he just doesn't see that he is doing anything wrong. I will keep you posted on what happens. Thank you for your questions and comments!

Britt - posted on 07/19/2011

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oh my gosh! so he is OLD enough to know better! that is what makes this worse. so sorry to hear HUGS!

Britt - posted on 07/19/2011

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with staying faithful of course. i dont know id pretend NOT to care then. shrug my shoulders, but in all honesty i wouldnt put up w/ that. i d be better off single and on my own. i know thats not what you want to hear

Britt - posted on 07/19/2011

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like the First Wives Club always says...Dont get mad ! Get Even!

Amy - posted on 07/19/2011

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I could go somewhere and give him the silent treatment and he would not care. As long as I let him know that I made it where I was going safely. I could not call him the entire time I am gone and it wouldn't be a big deal.

Amy - posted on 07/19/2011

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My husband is the type that loves to be the center of attention. I just wish I was the only one that he was paying attention to. He never takes me out, never been on an actual date. But yet he is offering another female a weekend alone and she doesn't have to worry about paying?? It is sooooo irritating and I want so bad to say something but we are not fighting right now and he is being nice to me! I wonder why!

Britt - posted on 07/19/2011

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OKlets see if you dont like him doing this- play hard to get, can you go somewhere to stay at and give him the silent treatment?

Britt - posted on 07/19/2011

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Im just saying i from what i read i see alot of the ex (my way) and i have built enough self confidence where i basically said screw you! i dont need this treatment. those type of guys won't change and thrive off attention! ugh i hated it! not worth 2 seconds of my time.

Britt - posted on 07/19/2011

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Geez you dont deserve this at all! Are your really ready to let go of the marriage and all? Will you be more hurt being apart from him if you do seperate? Sometimes with my ex husb i went to my own parents house i stayed there for a whole week without talking to him !! I hated coming home to our apt and another neighbor girl said hey! is that your dh? i was like fiance why? she was like he offered to cook me dinner.....typical of him ..he loves to cook! should of listened to her!

Amy - posted on 07/19/2011

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Brittany I am married, we have two children. Our marriage is like a roller coaster. But this time I am not riding!! I just dont understand why he is doing this. I go out of my way to make sure he is happy and never has to do anything! He works and plays golf and does nothing else! I take care of everything from bills to the house and the kids! I need a break from everything. I take pills for depression and some days I just want to run away! Thank you for your prayers!

Britt - posted on 07/19/2011

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I am very sorry to hear this, it reminds me a lot of my ex marriage. it was based on lies, from the get go! I should have left and now i look back thinking i was so young and dumb and STUPID! Im so glad that I found my now DH and happier than ever. in fact i never accuse my DH, we are always together except when he is at work, he has 2 cells on him one personal (me) and his work nextel. he calls alot too morning break , lunch we see one another, and i bring my 2 sk's and our DD 18 months we have together!

Prayers sent to your family!

Britt - posted on 07/19/2011

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wow i woulldnt trust him ! i d be like "next!" meaning there is other men out there that wont do this to you did you say your married?

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