husband thinks i don't work as a stay at home mother

Diane - posted on 08/24/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am the stay at home mother to a family of 5, my sixth son is at university. My sons are aged between 6 and 17, 1 has autism, 1 is aspergers. We live on a hobby farm with 35 sheep, chickens, dogs etc.. Well, i have a teaching degree and my husband thinks i should go back to work so he can stay home! He says he has worked for so long (actually he has only been working on and off for the last couple of years) and i have it easy at home! My sons are quite challenging to say the least and i am very much a hands on mother, i do ALL the cooking, cleaning, washing (Oh god the amount of washing) feeding and medical care of animals and stock(tube feeding lambs at present) painting, gardening(huge garden), vacumming etc... etc... I love my husband and he didn,t always think this way but he keeps saying "well, your the stay at home mother" when i ask for help and says i should work (unpaid work is not worth the same to him) he says this from 6am till 12 pm(i don.t know many people who"work' that long. We have bee married for 21 years, i am so very tired and just want him to tell me sometimes that i contribute something!

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Kelsey - posted on 08/24/2012

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I would trade places for a week. Contact someone you that may let you volunteer for a week or something. Have him take a week off and do the stay at home dad thing. He may just really be that oblivious. He obviously does not understand your life right now, and may feel that you don't understand his. I think if y'all traded places for a week, you would both regain some appreciation for each other that you have lost.

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Diane - posted on 08/24/2012

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my husband has looked after the children, a number of times while i was in hospital having them, he did a fairly good job although he told me he couldn't possibly get all the housework done with kids at his feet , i could as a mother can (exact quote) and on one occasion he actually told me he had things running more smoothly than i did! which upset me a lot as the house was a mess and the kids said they really needed me to come home. I do vollunteer reading work with 13 kids at my childrens schools , canteen and church. This he also deems as the usual stay at home mothers lot and gets quite annoyed if i say i am tired after doing it.

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