Husband wants me to choose between him and my 4 year old son...

Joanna - posted on 09/13/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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We have been married about six months, and together about 2 years. I found out that we are expecting our first child together, so obviously my emotions are a little crazy. I have a 4 year old from a previous relationship, and my 4 year old biological father does not see him. I love my 4 year old more than anything, obviously our bond is undeniable because I am his only parent. When my husband and I first bought our house there was a lot of work to be done, we decided that it was better while all of it was going on it would be better for my 4 year old to stay at grandpa's until the remodel was all done. The time came it was all finished, and I have set up his room and it has sat empty. Every time I bring up moving him in for good, he says I am shoving him down his throat... how? He is part of the package with me. I recently left my husband because I feel so guilty about my son not being there all the time, and it isn't fair I have to choose. I am staying with my dad with my son... I am expecting, and my husband now tells me that if we divorce he is going to sign over all rights to our child. My husband says I am choosing my son over him, and I do not care for him at all. He keeps telling me he can find a girlfriend that will never do this to him, and make him a priority. He has a daughter from a previous relationship, and I have never once said I don't want her around. My kids always will come first.. I am scared to have 2 by 2 different dads...but I have also been relieved. I no longer am a slave to his emotions, and how he feels. I guess I needed to vent... but I just want to know I am right in my thinking...?? Is there any way to repair a relationship with him? I don't think I can forgive him for being the way he is, and how he feels so jealous of my son.

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Dove - posted on 09/14/2012

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I just got to where you wanted to move your child into your home and he said you were shoving him down his throat. Stay away from this man. Please. Do it for your son.



If he can walk away from his own biological child simply because you want your first biological child to live with YOU.... he is no man and he won't be a real dad to anyone.



I'm so sorry!!

Stifler's - posted on 09/14/2012

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Eeep. That is fucked up. He is YOUR CHILD. You can't just leave him at your dads forever. Your husbands an idiot I'm afraid. He's also emotionally abusive and manipulative.

Ajanae - posted on 09/14/2012

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If he can just wanna sign his rights over lik that he is a lame who doesnt deserve u ur 4yr old or the child youll share 2gether. I would put his ass on child support first then when i get remarried or find someone who loves us all then he can sign his rights over to the new dad damn jerk

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Treeey - posted on 12/09/2013

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I am in similar situation I have 16 yr old son. Being a teen he can be a handful, my pathner has also given me an ultimatum him or my son. I have neen with my man for 10 yrs n have a child together. H e is dominating on the hindside I am not financially dependant on him I have my own income. I have always been generous towrds my man. Now gosh he has asked me to send my son away to live with his Pa who lefthim n me when he was only 2.
I think most men are really selfish I feel sad now but yes I have chosen my son.

Ella - posted on 09/14/2012

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I'm sorry to hear all of this,I split from my partner who is stepdad to my first whilst pregnant,it was a horrible time,I'm not for a second defending him but what were his reasons for not wanting him to move in??pregnancy can do strange things t people not just the mums2b hope all turns out well x

Angela - posted on 09/14/2012

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You did the right thing. Well done. He's despicable. Did he seriously think you were going to leave your son at his grandfather's forever? Or did he possibly engineer all this before you married him as part of a master plan to have a wife but conveniently not have that woman's child in his life? Did he hope that you wouldn't want your child anymore or would forget about him?



What a total jerk.

Firebird - posted on 09/14/2012

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Wow, what a douchebag. I probably would have put him in the hospital by now. "My husband says I am choosing my son over him" he's right, you did choose your son over your husband, as it should be. This is your child, your flesh and blood. Sounds to me like this guy has some serious issues to work out. You and your children are better off without him. What a small, small man.

Stifler's - posted on 09/14/2012

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It isn't fair to choose and it shouldn't even have to be a choice. when you marry someone with kids the kids are part of the package.

Michelle - posted on 09/14/2012

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He's very immature himself to think that you would put him before your children. Your husband's a big boy and doesn't need someone to look after his every need like the children do.



My current husband knew I came as a package deal and he never complained when our plans were put out because the children needed me. He completely understood that the children would always come first.



You are better off without him if he doesn't understand that. I also question what type of Father he is if he isn't putting the children first.

Joanna - posted on 09/13/2012

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Thank you... and all these things that have come up about his true feelings especially towards my son make me resent him. I won't let my son be an outcast... I sure won't risk the emotional damage to either one of my kids. It's so hard to get over.. especially being pregnant with his child. Its so frustrating, the man I married clearly doesn't care for me, biggest wake up call ever!

Vicki - posted on 09/13/2012

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Wow! I cant believe he acts this way! You did the right thing by leaving him, good for you!

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He is an immature wimp and you are better off without him. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I seriously think that you and your precious son don't need him. If you get back together and your boy stays with you, how do you think you husband will treat him? Not like a loving father-figure, that is easy to see. If he says he can find a girlfriend who "will never do this to him" then tell him to go for it because you can find a loving man to share your life with you who will embrace your children as part of the package. Hugs to you.

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