husband with mental illness

Bre - posted on 06/14/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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So, my husband and I have had many problems since we got married. We have only been married a little over a year.
He has been very hard to deal with since then, and has only gotten worse after our daughter was born 9 months ago.
We both know he has been emotionally abusive to me for months now. He just realized this the other day after a fight in which I came out and finally told him. he acted as if he didn't know at all how he was treating me.
He has now been aware that he has a mental illness.
He wants my support, but after all of the treatment he has given me the past year, I am finding it even hard to want to stay. I am trying to be supportive of him getting help, but I am still afraid that it wont help the way he treats me.
But, I feel guilty if I leave him at this rough point in his life. He is fighting to correct his behavior, quit his addiction, and be better.
I guess I just feel like I have nothing left to give him at this point.
I am scared he won't get any better. He told me this morning that "I should know how some things bother him, and I should make sure they don't happen so he wont get upset and ruin his day". I just sat there asking myself what??

I could really use some advice and support here. I am miserable, and hate even having our daughter in this situation. :(

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Veronicalira67 - posted on 06/14/2016

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Im sorry but get up and go!!!! Let him know you love him but no matter what your are his wife and you now have a child. People with mental illness could be harmful, some dont even realize how harmful they can be , which may lead to physical abuse without thought. You have the safety of a child to think about. You have your well being as well. If you have support take it. Let him get the help he needs and let him know he can come visit the baby whenever. If he tries to say that you don't love him and support him then you tell him the same. It is not fair that you live in fear. I am not saying divorce him but just be safe and think about your child. The talk is already abusive. Maybe he is bipolar. Now you cant be yourself anymore?? Do you know how often women put up with abuse. Trust me there is help!!! GO!

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Bre - posted on 06/15/2016

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I am going to try and get us into one, and me seeing one.
I brought up the subject that I would like to personally see one, and well that didn't end well. Something about me bad mouthing him without him there and such.
Hopefully, I can find a way to resolve this. he blames everything on someone else or how he was raised, and now his illness. I am tired of all of his excuses as to why he can be hateful and say mean things to me.

Aster302516 - posted on 06/14/2016

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I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time with your husband. A friend of mine faced a similar situation with her husband and I can understand how challenging this can be. I just said a prayer for you and I really hope you find the help you’re seeking. Hugs to you!

Veronicalira67 - posted on 06/14/2016

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Don't feel guilty, he is already mentally breaking you down. Do not let him physically drain you. If you fall into depression it will take over your life. I had postpartum depression and believe me just that alone is very emotionally hard to deal with. It is very tough to deal with, I was in the same situation where my husband had a bad attitude and spent every dollar on the dumbest things. I left him for an entire year and he changed his ways. Thankfully he changed still needs a reminder here and there to get it together but oyu leaving will help. Dont be afraid. There is sooo much help out there and trust me its free. There is also support from the states and programs to help with your child. Please dont give up on yourself, know your worth . Do it for hte love of your child for the baby for the babies happiness. Talk to a family member . Don't think he will change. Look at you , your afraid . That is not what marraige is about!!!

Dove - posted on 06/14/2016

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If he doesn't get a diagnosis and doesn't want to get treatment... he won't get better. He has to WANT to get help and the first step to getting the right help is getting the right diagnosis.

The safety of you and your child should be your number one priority. It is OK to still love him and not divorce him, but if you are unsafe in your home then you need to live somewhere else... at least for the time being while he seeks help and stabilization. Maybe if you offer to go to the therapy w/ him it will give him that little boost of confidence he needs to get this started... but maybe not. It is very possible that he has no real idea of what he is doing to you and even once he becomes aware of it he may not know how to stop. Getting into some therapy and support groups is critical for both of you... if he refuses to go... get yourself out and into your own therapy to help you deal w/ this situation.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/14/2016

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That is really tough. He has his good days and bad days it sounds like. Well, your position isn't a cake walk either. Really, you have to decide what is going to be best for you and your family. Maybe you going to therapy will help with the things you need addressed, and show him how much it helps. Also going to marriage counseling might give him the push he needs for help. I understand being scared to leave, and loving him. But sometimes it isn't enough. Take the next step with counseling, and see where that brings you both. Good luck love. Marriage isn't easy, and things like this make it so much more difficult.

Bre - posted on 06/14/2016

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Not yet. he bounces between wanting it one day and thinking that they are lieing and nothing is wrong with him the next.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/14/2016

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Well, if he is diagnosed as bipolar there are treatments. Either you need to leave this man, or you need to figure out a way to make it work. What do YOU want to do? You can not worry about how he is going to react. You need to worry about what is best for you, your child, and eventually him if he gets treatment.

You previously made it sound like he was currently in therapy. Is he not?

Bre - posted on 06/14/2016

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I believe he is bipolar. I would feel guilty leaving him. I would hate to ask for help since we are broke, due to him over spending everything.
But, I am miserable now. I am just scared I guess. This is a huge decision, and uprooting everything is hard to do.
I don't even know how he would react.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/14/2016

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It's ok to leave. It is ok to support him from a distance. It is ok to tell him, once he has sought treatment, and continues healing, that you can try "dating" again to see if things will work out. Please do this from a safe environment, around your family, in a public place, or even at the therapists office. I would already move out so you are not alone with him. Either he will emotionally abuse you more and convince you to stay, or get physical. Good luck love. Sounds like you need some TLC also.

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