Husbands ex-wife who doesnt know her boundaries

Kathleen - posted on 10/10/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi,I'm new to this group but does anyone else's in-laws drive them freaking nuts my sister in law recently passed away and my husbands ex-wife had the nerve to show up at the dinner that followed the service.Oh did I mention that my sister in law who passed away couldn't stand her,I'm to the point of filing for divorce. My husband doesn't have the balls to tell her to stay away and it's a freakin slap in my face to see them getting all buddy buddy with her.What part of ex don't they understand.she was and still is a whore,told my husband she was pregnant so they got married.She just failed to tell him it wasn't his child they then had two children and when the youngest was about ten they got divorced-she screwed around on him yet again.he paid chid support on all three,yes even the one that wasn't his! He figuered out she wasn't his after she was born,came out looking just like her dad-my husband knew him,but yet he didn't say anything.His ex told him when they were getting divorced the she wasn't his child. And yet he paid her child support on all three of them. Oh she also screwed around on husband number two and is now dating this other guy.And now my husband has no problem if we are forced to be at the same function to pay the bill for everyone's meal! This is so fucked up and I am thinking about filing for divorce. There are probably eight members of his family are facebook friends with her.Am I wrong,what do you think?

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Jodi - posted on 10/11/2016

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Wow. My husband's ex turned up at his dad's funeral.And the burial. And the wake. Why do I have the right to kick up a fuss over it? Who am I to dare judge HER relationship with my in-laws? How do you know that this ex-wife wasn't there as a show of support for his parents? As a show for her CHILDREN who also lost a relative (remember that - her children are their grandchildren and the nieces/nephews of the person who passed away).

Her decision to turn up at this funeral, I am sure, was not done just to piss you off. Don't you think you need to move on? The way you go ON about it makes you sound bitter and angry. Guess what? My husband's ex cheated on him too. A lot. My husband really doesn't like her. But they have a child together - she has a right to support her child. She has a right to continue a relationship with her child's grandparents. Heck, she was at my mother-in-laws 80th as well. As an invited guest - even if WE didn't really want her there, it is a really good thing for their CHILD to see that her parents can at least be in the same room together and put aside their differences to be civil.

I guess what I am saying is......get over it. I can't believe you are so angry at your husband about his ex turning up for whatever reason it may be that you want to divorce him. You married a man with a past. You knew that. They have children together. They have an OBLIGATION to co-exist. So she cheated on him. So she did the wrong thing by him. Why are you making that YOUR problem? If he has no problem if she turned up, then leave it alone. You really are being overly dramatic.

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Ev - posted on 10/11/2016

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}Hi,I'm new to this group but does anyone else's in-laws drive them freaking nuts my sister in law recently passed away and my husbands ex-wife had the nerve to show up at the dinner that followed the service}
-----And what is the problem with this? I am the ex wife and I attended a lot of events that my ex husband was at with his current wife. SHE is the one that had to deal with it. Also I am good friends with his mother.

{.Oh did I mention that my sister in law who passed away couldn't stand her,I'm to the point of filing for divorce. My husband doesn't have the balls to tell her to stay away and it's a freakin slap in my face to see them getting all buddy buddy with her.}
-----Did you have a fit at the funeral/dinner?

{What part of ex don't they understand.she was and still is a whore,told my husband she was pregnant so they got married.She just failed to tell him it wasn't his child they then had two children and when the youngest was about ten they got divorced-she screwed around on him yet again.he paid chid support on all three,yes even the one that wasn't his! }
-----Really, you are making this your issue? And as for being an ex, they still do have relationships with the family especially where kids are concerned.

{He figuered out she wasn't his after she was born,came out looking just like her dad-my husband knew him,but yet he didn't say anything.His ex told him when they were getting divorced the she wasn't his child. And yet he paid her child support on all three of them. Oh she also screwed around on husband number two and is now dating this other guy}
-----What has this to do with you?


{.And now my husband has no problem if we are forced to be at the same function to pay the bill for everyone's meal! This is so fucked up and I am thinking about filing for divorce. There are probably eight members of his family are facebook friends with her.Am I wrong,what do you think?}

-----I think you are crazy for acting like this over this whole issue. Grow up!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 10/11/2016

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Um, here is the deal.

1. Your husband is GOING TO INTERACT with this woman until all of the kids are 18, and even after.

2. You don't get to dictate friendships and relationships for OTHER PEOPLE. They get to choose who they wish to have in their lives. You don't HAVE to like it, nor do you have to agree, but you do have to live with it.

3. People who have divorces, but have children, actually NEED to be able to get along well, so that they can still be a united parental unit. It works out a lot better for the kids in the picture.

4. Reacting with such animosity and resentment actually shows that you cannot handle adverse situations with maturity. You are considering divorce because your husband has a decent relationship with the mother of his children. Surely this wasn't something new that started after you married. If you couldn't handle it, why did you go forward?

5. Unless the dinner in question was an expressly by invite only, she has as much right to be there in support of her children who lost a relative as you had to be there for your husband. If your husband chose to pick up the check, perhaps he felt the need to do so in order to save his brother and parents the trouble. Either way, it's a pretty petty thing to be this distraught about.

Have you considered counseling?

Dove - posted on 10/11/2016

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Um... all these people that you are freaking out over have every right to be friendly to whomever they choose. This woman is the mother of two of his children (and he has every right to claim the third as 'his' if he raised her). You sound bitter and jealous and insecure and you probably shouldn't have married a man w/ a past since you seem to be the only one that has a problem being around this woman. If they all want to be friends w/ her and be around her... they get to do that.

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