hy two year old hits bites and spits and hits me and his dad what should we do?
Rachel - posted on 10/30/2012
In my family if you act out, you're getting spanked by the nearest adult. Punishment works once a child is self-aware (cause-effect/action-reaction). A two-year-old is certainly self-aware (unless there is an impairment of some sort). A child raised in the most docile environment will act out if allowed. We grew up with NO media in our home (no cable, computer, etc.), no raised voices, no punching, etc. and I still watched my younger sisters throw tantrums, scream, hit, bite, spit, and the like at least once till the action was stopped. I certainly do not believe in beating/abuse, but swift, appropriate punishment is needed. Time-outs never seemed to work as effectively as a swat on the leg. Some say that whatever you use to "offend" (if you spit, your mouth - if you hit, your hand) should be punished. I personally experienced being smacked in the face if I used an unacceptable tone (as my mouth was the "offender"). This led to me being terrified every time my father moved his hand. I will NEVER slap a child in the face. However, I was quite clear with every parent of every child I watched (totaled is almost into triple digits) - when you place your child in my care, they will fall under my rules. They were always told the basic rule upfront: the "Golden Rule" idea: if that child wants to be respected, they will show respect. I'll never forget the look on the face of a child disciplined for the first time. One kid kicked me, so I swatted his leg, got down eye level, dropped my voice, and said, "You will NOT kick anyone, especially adults. You don't want me to kick you, do you? Then you will not kick me." He had just turned three. He threw a massive tantrum and tried to kick me again - I repeated the action. After five minutes of this he never kicked me again (I watched him twice a week for six months). I only had one child that never liked "Miss Wachel" - but to be fair he never liked any of the adults. I had good results with fair, CONSISTENT discipline. If they acted up it certainly wasn't for long. The parents of the boy I mentioned previously marveled at how he acted around me. They asked what the big "secret" was - I told them what had happened. They said, "We tried spanking him and he kept throwing things and kicking!" My response: "Did you spank him again?" Them: "Well, no - we thought if it didn't work the first time it must be a bad idea." The parents implemented the discipline at home and their child is a healthy, happy kid now with a great relationship with his parents.
I know every parent is different - some will never lay a hand on their child, and some will beat their kid black and blue. As a child that received more than one "paddling," I think I am a fairly intelligent, successful, loving person (as are my sisters). I know kids that never received physical punishment that turned out fine also. I hope you find the track best suited for your child, and I hope if it loses its ability to keep him on the right path you won't be afraid to change and adapt your parenting to suit his needs. Good luck!
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