I am 3mo. pregnant. My husband and I pysically separated in November because of our constant fighting. Things haven't gotten any better. I have a counselor and have had him come a couple of times. last session he got mad and stormed out. I am now beginning to possibly believe that I am just stuck in a mentally/emotionally abusive relationship and that there is no hope. So what now? What legal rights does he have to our baby. I am scared that he will try to take it from me and control me through this child. Will I be allowed to move out of state if we divorce? I won't have the means to do that realistically for a couple years, but would possibly like to start planning for a fresh start.
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Liz - posted on 02/03/2013
Amanda, I echo everything that Kelsey has said. I would also recommend that you keep a record of everything he does which exhibits temper or any attitudes which you would want a judge to know about when this goes to court eventually. Things like him storming out of a counselling session or being arrested because of loss of temper can be corroborated by others, but anything you experience personally should also be documented. That way you can begin to form a case to argue in court (very important that you take every step absolutely by the book) IF you feel that he shouldn't have unsupervised access or custody, which is what it sounds like.
Amanda - posted on 02/03/2013
Thank you. Its gotten hard after so long of this going on. I start to wonder is it me? Am I really so aweful? Luckily I have great friends and family supportng me. Today my husband was supposed to pick me up from the airport after visiting my best friend from college for the weekend. He was 4 hours late because he got into a wreck and then into a fight which resulted in him getting arrested. Pretty awsome eh?! Me telling him he needs help for his temper hasn't gone very far, but now I hope that a judge will make him deal with it. He also used the ride home to take out his frustrations on me. I just kept saying I don't want to talk to you about anything right now and I left as soon as I got to my car. He is so insecure; griling me about my weekend asking if I had been faithful, hanging out with guys, why I didn't call (I did text), and saying I act like the baby isn't even his and so on. I refuse to get sucked into his game. Defending myself even is playing along. I had the most stress free weekend I've had in a long time. I just hope I can keep the feeling going.
Kelsey - posted on 01/27/2013
Okay. I have two words of advice. One being: Get out of your relationship. You are never stuck! It's your life too! If he's mentally/emotionally abusing you; Do you want your child to also be a victim? Also, it is not good for the baby's development as of right now for you to be under so much stress. Another point is, do you really want that kind of person around your child to be an example; where your child could pick up on his father's behavior? Therefore, starting the vicious cycle over again. What your baby needs is a stress free and happy environment to grow and learn in.
Advice number two: Read up on your rights as a mother in your state. Depending on the state; they lean towards the mother as custodial parent. Unless the father can prove you unfit; for example, drugs, abuse or neglect. I don't know how things work in your state, but in mine, my ex had to proof that he was the biological father with proof of paternity; doesn't matter if his name was on the birth certificate.
Now, he does have rights to the baby and he can take the baby without getting in trouble. I would say get the ball rolling and take him to court to get it on paper. To answer your question, I don't know. You're only three months along. In the future if/when you take him to court; you can't not move from the state that you have your agreement in without his permission. That would be kidnapping.
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