I am a Deadbeat Dad,, yes

JRepublican - posted on 09/04/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi, yes I am the deadbeat dad you are talking about. I left after seeing my daughter once when she was 6 months. I finally am back in touch with her 15 years later. Yes, anyone who feels the need to bash me, go ahead, I deserve it , I know. The problem is,, I don't know how to try to connect with her,, and it is very complicated. The week I came back to see her (6 months ago), the same week her step-father walked out on her and her mom. This is partially due to me coming back, but everyone says it was long overdue that he left. He was there since she was 3, and for the most part was good to her, but for the last 3-4 years it apparently got worse for my daughter and her mom for various reasons,, some claim her step-father started to have romantic feelings for her, but there are many more reasons it seems, also,, it seems her Mom really did not care much for my daughter as she grew up,, for years her Grandma took care of her,, not her Mom, her Mom was more interested in riding motorcycle, going on trips, etc. than raising her daughter. I am not throwing stones,,, her Mom was there I was not, I know that, just trying to explain correctly so if someone really wants to give advice, they somewhat understand the situation. Also, there seems to be a lot of real stress between her and her Mom, even her Grandma and Aunt said to me,, take her away,, go to the courts and get custody and take her from her Mom. (This is her Mom's mom talking! not my Mom, unfortunately my family did not yet have a chance to meet my daughter as I live oversees with my daughter,, and yes, this was my daughters choice,, I already booked flights and had to cancel as my daughter did not want to visit),, added to all this,, the Xstep Dad is now trying to be a buddy with her,, and she is going back to him, I am not jealous, I wanted none of this to happen,, I only wanted to be there for her,, actually the day he walked out on them (and took most things of value in the apartment) I had invited him and them to dinner,, and he feigned a toothache with my daughter as he dropped her off at the restaurant and when back to steal the stuff the same night,, Honestly this is only part of the story,, Yes,, I am a deadbeat dad,, screwed up big time,, will never be able to fix that,, ever ,,, I know,, I am only trying to figure out how to help her now,, (yes,, I have taken care of past $$$ due,, more than enough, even her Mom said to me,, stop worrying about what you 'owe' us and I continue to support them 100% with all living expenses,, ),, sorry,, forgot to add,, the poor girl is dealing with an extremely rare brain disease,, is treatable,, but requires brain surgery, which is now coming up soon,, so,, please anyone that has any positive advice please give it,, and if you need to bash me,, feel free, I know I deserve it,, trust me,,

you can reach me here via the post or at johnrepublican@gmail.com, I welcome any advice,, and any bashing if needed,, but no one can make me feel worse than I already do,, I would do anything to go back in time and change my decisions

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JRepublican - posted on 09/04/2013

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@Tanya, NO,, no feelings for her Mom,, except for the fact that she is my daughters Mom,, I re-read my post,, trying to understand why you thought that,, but don't understand why,,,

But sorry to be a bit blunt,, of course,, we have discussed the elephant in the room,, even once my daughter (please no one be offended that I say that,, I understand why some may feel I have no right to say that), said I have been more of a father to her than her x-step dad ever was,, this was after about 2 months of being there. I believe honestly some of it was the fact I bought her a lot at the beginning, (yes, I made that mistake and both I and her mother agreed at the time it was OK,, but both agreed later it was a mistake),, but I think some was meant real, because it was after a small blowup we had between us,,

and no, I am not sure everything will just fall into place,, this poor girl has had a very complicated life,,, I pray that you are right,, but I can't just 'wait and see',,

sorry, if I am not explaining this very well,, it is very very complicated,, not for me,, I will do anything and everything for her,, but I want to do it right,,

@Onetraeh,, don't know how to explain,, always knew I did the wrong thing,, always,,, hated myself for it,,I hope it gets LOTS of hits,, I want to know everyone's opinion,, if it helps my daughter,, then it is well worth it, even the bashing if needed from anyone,, but no one will make me feel worse than I already do,, I will be honest,, I have no 'excuse' as many dead beat dad's 'do'. no drugs, no other woman, no other kids, no loss of job,, none of that,, I really do know what I did,, and I really do have to live with it my whole life; only me,, except of course my daughter,, don't think,, well actually I know,, her Mom didn't really care either way if I was there or not,, anyway,, I am rambling,, the only thing that matters is I do the right thing now,, that's why I am here and asking opinions,,,
thanks to both of you for the responses,,,

Onetraeh - posted on 09/04/2013

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well this thread is going to get a lot of hits lol;the heading 'I am a deadbeat dad' got me.whaaat there's a man publicly admitting this???this should go on record in human history.

Tanya - posted on 09/04/2013

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Umm, I'm confused.

I think you still have feelings for your daughter's mom. Am I right?

As for reconnecting with your daughter... simply ask her how she wants to go about it. It's simple ask her and ask about how she feels with you coming back into her life. Let's not ignore the elephant in the room. Start with that... everything else will fall into place.

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