I am a mother of 4, three of which are boys, and two are grown, I need help with my preteen daughter who is 11.

Bobbie - posted on 09/22/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am looking for help with my daughter, she is 11 and I am a fish out of water here, I have raised two older boys, 24, and 21 now. And youngest son is 13 and in 8th grade. I have not been through teen years with a girl yet. I know how hard it was for me when I was young as I was not the prettiest or smartest but was friendly and loved spending time with friends and family. My daughter is very outgoing and loves her family, animals and what friends she does have. I need help through the ruff times what to say or how to say things to help her understand why girls and boys are so mean and why sometimes when they say they are your friend just to get something they are not a true friend. Any ideas or tips welcome.

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Alice - posted on 09/22/2011

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i would just suggest trying to make sure u maintain a close and respectful relationship with ur daughter. i know for myself, once i hit 'teenage years' my mum suddenly thought i was going to be doing drugs, having sex, etc.... this was sooo far from the truth that it shocked me how she was treating me (going through my diary, through my trash, snooping). it really caused me to distrust her, and i decided if she was going to think these things about me without any reason that i wouldnt try to defend myself to her (i never did drugs, sex, i was an A+ student). our relationship has ever been the same, i remember loving her so much as a child, but to have her treat me so differently because of my age was definitely not the right move. soooo dont assume the worst. the girl u have raised for 11 years is still there :) regarding mean things that boys and girls could say to her... make sure she appreciates all the things that make her a fabulous girl! being a kind, smart, thoughtful person... but u do need to understand that her self image does involve her outer appearance. therefore, if she shows interest in makeup, shaving legs, hair styles etc support her. u dont need to let her wear a horrible amount of makeup, but u can be help her apply some to make her excited and happy, and love the way she looks... if u arent so good with make up, hair etc u could book in some appointments at a hairdresser or at a cosmetics store (they normally do free makeovers to try to get u to buy their products). it will make her feel glamorous and special, and as long as u are following her lead with all of this stuff( u never know, she maybe years away from this, or never want it..) u will be doing a great job at strengthening ur relationship :)

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