I am a new step-mom, advice welcome on co-parenting!

Mrs. M - posted on 10/22/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am very involved with my daughter's lives and have been for the past three years. It has been an incredibly difficult to deal with the bio mom's tantrums, obsessive control, demanding intrusion during our custody days and outright childish behavior. Every inch of courtesy and respect I show her, she matches it with derogatory comments and manic yelling. My girls comment about her language and yelling if hearing about her poor parenting choices wasn't enough...Help!


Raye - posted on 10/22/2014




I am a new step-mom, too. And my step-kids' bio-mom is very self absorbed and irresponsible. I understand how hard it is to keep being nice to someone when she consistently does things you don't agree with, acts childish, or tries to sabotage your relationship with the kids. But for the sake of the kids, you have to keep trying and being the better person.

My kids are beginning to see their mom's actions for what they are, and have been expressing disappointment at having to go with her on her days. When she calls them and says she loves them, I've heard both of them reply with "uh-huh", instead of saying "I love you" back to her. And while I feel sad that their relationship with their mother is that way, I'm also happy that I can be there for them. Both of them have told me they love me, and even though they don't say it every time I say it, they still don't respond to me with "uh-huh". So she's really sabotaging her own self. My step daughter just yesterday told me it makes her happy when I give her hugs, and that just made my day.

I can't keep the bio-mom out of their lives, and I really don't want to. As much as I would want her to be better -both for mine and the kids sakes- I can't control what she does. I just want to keep being the example of what a good parent can be and what a good partner I can be to their father, so they learn what a healthy relationship is. The kids will form their own opinions and make their own decisions about their mom and whether they want that kind of person in their lives.

Stay strong. It sounds like you're doing great!

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