I am a step mother and I care for my step kids genuinely. My problem is whenever our blended family spends happy times together, the bio mom seems to do something that will either keep us from having good memories with her kids (e.g. change the visitation schedule, say something against me and the kids father). She is already married but doesnt have a kid with her current husband. I share a beautiful daughter with my husband and I can see how my step kids love my daughter. I feel like in heaven seeing them interact so lovingly but my mood changes extremely when their bio mom enters the picture. I need advise how to deal with my situation. There is a clear parental alienation and obviously the bio mom doesnt want me to share happy moments with her kids. Any advise on how to deal with this kind of person? Thanks in advance.

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Jodi - posted on 08/08/2014

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If she is refusing to stick with the visitation arrangements spelled out in the orders, then yes. I'm assuming that if you are complaining about it, this is a regular occurrence.

Mrs - posted on 08/07/2014

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Jodi,

Yes we do have court ordered visitation. Do you think it's enough grounds to file for contempt?

Jodi - posted on 08/07/2014

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My very first post asked, do you have court ordered visitation? If you do, she cannot ask for you to change that. If she is not complying, you need to keep records of that and file contempt.

Mrs - posted on 08/06/2014

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Hi Dawn,

Thank you so much for your words. I am truly dealing with a bitter person.
She can't be civil to us, at all. I'm trying so bad to keep my mouth shut esp when my step kids are around. I'm just hoping when my step kids grow older they will realize what is really going on. One thing though, when she doesn't get what she wants from us, she yells at my husband. I feel sorry for him but he tells me, his ex-wife can yell at him all she wants but he will not fight/yell back. I mean I know he can yell back but he chose not to. I feel sorry for him but at the same time I feel proud of him for not stooping at her level. It hurts me though to see my husband being yelled at.

Dawn - posted on 08/06/2014

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Omg bio moms and being step parents are so hard when u have a bitter bio mom... I have 2step kids and one of my own a 15 yr old girl,11boy and my 19month old boy. We have custody and boy its been a hard hard road .....when u have bitter ex's with kids the only one that suffers is the kids ...and all u can do is dont argue w/bio mom (that only causes more problems in everyway),dont even talk with her if u can help it , it really best to let yr hubby handle her and make sure your hubby realize where u stand and how u want things to go bc if u dont theres gonna be problem between u 2 and thats what she wants and feeds on.that y I tell u dont talk with her because she wants u to fight she loves it and will sayyyyy anything to make it happen... and truely god bless all step parents its a hard road and u have to b strong ...just remember be the bigger person and do your best to keep your kids out of it completely.......and dont bad mouth to the kids about mom or dad..... never.......
and remember your a step parent your not the parent .never try to replace just be a person that cares, loves and protects and you will do right by them goid luck

Mrs - posted on 08/06/2014

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Yes we do. Sorry about the confusion, we don't invite the bio mom in our family events. She gets to know our special occasions because the kids tell their mom. But once we return the kids to her and she sees them happy, next time she drops them off to us she makes a move that will either upset us or she will change the schedule. For instance, her schedule to drop off the kids is 8PM. She always drops them off at 8:20 or 8:30PM whatever suits her.

During non-school days, we're supposed to return them to her at 4PM but she keeps insisting 12noon. I don't know if this is enough grounds for contempt of court but my husband wants us to be peaceful therefore we (most of the time) give in to what she wants =(

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/05/2014

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Why is bio mom included in family events for the new family? She shouldn't be, visitations should be solely one parent of the other.

So, I'd say, first, quit inviting her to occasions that you want to have private time with your husband and step kids. Second, unfriend her on FB and anywhere else, so that she cannot see your information. You don't need to share anything with her. If she wants pics of hte kids at events, take pics of her kids and have hubby send to her.

[deleted account]

I'm in the same situation and because of things that have happened, I've totally stepped back from the responsibilities right now. It makes things civil enough that our family can work. I absolutely let step kids interact with our kid but that is all I can do for now. Hopefully things in the future will be better and calmer but I've accepted what I can handle for the time being.

Being a step family is hard - especially when one is always trying to out do the others. Give it time - give yourself time -

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