I am a stepmom and need some advice! Can someone read the body to this?

Amanda - posted on 05/10/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I am a "stepmom" to a 4 year old, I have been in his life for about 3 years now. My boyfriend and his ex can't really talk without fighting. (she used to drink a lot when the 4 year old was a baby and their relationship was not good at all.) My boyfriends parents and family all tell me constantly that she is a piece of crap, was an alcoholic and always started drama in their family. Fast forward... Now, I have the 4 year old 3 days a week. I should mention I have a year and a half old as well, with my boyfriend. Since they can't talk, she asked if I would be the communicator because we get along just fine. She isn't that bad of a mom, I mean I know she loves him but you can tell she is just more of the play kind of parent, like a friend to him more than a mom. She told me today that I don't legally have any say when it comes to the 4 year old. But I sort of disagree.. I don't think I have all of the say because I am not his mother but I do have him 3 days a week, by myself, and then another 2 with my boyfriend. I'm just hoping someone out there has a similar situation and can give me some advise on what to do as far as being a "stepmom"?Someone help!! ? :)

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Jodi - posted on 05/10/2012

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She's right, you don't legally have any say at all. You aren't a legal guardian. Your husband can pass responsibility on to you, but when it comes down to the welfare of the child on a long term basis, nope, you've got nothing. Can I ask why she suddenly felt the need to point this out to you? It isn't generally something that just comes up in conversation.

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Amanda - posted on 05/11/2012

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Yeah, I completely understand! Thank you for responding, it's nice to talk to someone in a similar situation. People that I try to get advice from or just talk to don't really know what it's like. So when I talk to them it's kind of pointless cause I end up doing what I think is right. Thanks again Jodi!

Jodi - posted on 05/10/2012

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Unfortunately, you can;t control what goes on at her house discipline wise. Even if you HAD legal rights, you can't do that, unfortunately. What you do have to do is just make sure the kids know what is expected of them at YOUR house. They do get used to it. Unfortunately, it IS difficult when they are young. But as they get older, they do learn to adjust to the rules and discipline in each home. As long as you are consistent in your home, that is all you can do really. On the flip side, she can't dictate the discipline in your home either. So it does go both ways.



I do understand the frustration. I used to have similar issues with my step son. He is older now, so he knows the rules here, but when he was very young, it was sometimes difficult, and we used to just have to continue to be consistent with our household rules that ALL the kids comply with.



My son also used to come home from his dad's tired and cranky ALL the time, because his dad let him stay up until all hours. But the fact of the matter is, I cannot control my ex and his household, so I just had to put up with it and deal with it as best I could when my son got home.

Amanda - posted on 05/10/2012

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No, it's never been an issue before. And I am not trying to have legal rights, I was just talking to her about our situation today and that we all need to be on the same page, as far as discipline, and such. She doesn't make him listen, and just kind of lets him do whatever he wants and when he comes home he tries to talk to me like that, and I don't let that kind of stuff happen and he knows that so I know he talks to her like that. She is really immature and lets people walk all over her. Like I said, she's not that bad, like not mean to him but it's bad when you have to question what goes on over there. I just worry about him. And she asked me to be the median between her and my fiance, because they can't get along so isn't that kind of involving me? And about a year ago when we first started talking because they couldn't communicate, she asked me for advice on how to discipline him and told me she doesn't really know what she is doing.. and now that she has girlfriends telling her stuff she is starting to get an attitude, Which i have never had with her. I have always respected that she was his mom... This is the most complicating situation ever!! :) I just more need someone to talk to who has a similar situation.. No one I know is a step parent.

Maria - posted on 05/10/2012

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you need to get your rights doccumented by the courts.
And Yes if you have a child for what it reads to me as 5 days a week and the mom is the weekend parent you really should have rights regaurding his life. you can not have 2 seprate sets of rules for children that are toghther so much.

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