I am conflicted on staying with this site...

Tina - posted on 01/07/2016 ( 22 moms have responded )

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When I came across this web page I was so excited, it seemed like a wonderful place to chat with mom's and gather some advice.... Yet I have only been here less than 2 days and I have encountered some of the meanest people I have ever read words from. How are we mother's supposed to ask for help and advice if we are going to be attacked. I thought woman were trying to end the mom bashing.. Truly terrible...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Raye - posted on 01/07/2016

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I want to throw in that it's easy to misconstrue some people's intentions just reading written words, You can't always know the tone of the person writing, and if you're upset, you may have a tendency to interpret the tone as being argumentative even if it wasn't meant to be.

I have gotten opinions that I initially felt were personal attacks. But, as I thought more about it, I realized 1) it can't be personal because they don't know me. They are only responding to a short bit of info I provided, and in my frustration over my situation I may have worded it in such a way (or left out details) as to give them a different interpretation than the actual story... and 2) even opinions I don't like can turn out to be helpful. I realized that, being involved in the heart of the situation may make you blind to an objective viewpoint, and these ladies being outside and not personally affected by the emotion of the situation may see things in a different light and express that viewpoint (sometimes very bluntly).

If you don't agree with their opinion... fine. You can debate it if you want, but many times no one is going to change their mind and it becomes moot. This is an advice forum, and opinions are like assholes... everyone has one. While you're trying to resolve very sensitive issues, keep in mind that the anonymity of the internet means that others can say whatever they want without being invested in the outcome. So, take it with a grain of salt.

Sarah - posted on 01/07/2016

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I generally proof read my posts, especially ones about hot button issues, before I reply. Sometimes a missed comma or verb tense can change the context of the post. Also, tone and facial expressions are not present in text.
When I first joined I posted a response that was met with contradicting information and dismissive posts. If there had been just one i would have probably shrugged it off. But after 9 or 10 people told me that I was wrong I become super defensive and began posting defensively. Remember that there is a vast wealth of knowledge and experience here at CoMs as well as vast differences in faith, cultural beliefs and personal baggage.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/07/2016

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My advice (I have been with this site for at least 7 years and been through it all and more) is to walk away when a conversation/debate is getting heated. Just walk away. If you choose to come back to the discussion later, do so with a clear head and don't approach it angrily. Flag/report posts that are against the "No Thumps" policy and let the moderators handle the situation if there is one.

American - posted on 01/07/2016

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I have had similar problems with this site and am also thinking about leaving this site. It really doesn't matter what you ask or answer you give someone ALWAYS attacks you. It seems to be a select few and I have contacted corporate offices about this issue....still waiting for response. However with all that being said I have received a lot of helpful information from a lot of nice moms. Trying not to let a few bad apples spoil the bushel.

Raye - posted on 01/07/2016

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Honesty does not equal attack. I almost never see the regular moms personally attack others. They may call the actions or choices idiotic or whatever, but won't actually say the person is an idiot. It's usually the OP that starts with the name calling.

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Raye - posted on 01/07/2016

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And sometimes we get tired of responding to umpteen different people that all have the same issues and all these people seem very naïve without a lick of common sense. It can be frustrating for us who see this all the time, and easy to forget that the person posting feels like the only one ever to have this problem. We may have all done our research and had our opinions on the subject for a long time, but they are confused and scared.

Even the most blunt responder, I'm sure, has to sometimes curtail the urge to just scream out: "YES, you COULD be f*cking pregnant!" -or- "The father is still the father, just go to f*cking COURT, g*ddamn it!". So, in their way, they are being nice. :) lol

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2016

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No, I didn't see it. Thanks for clarifying. I was wondering what I said to attack her, and don't remember saying anything. But I will admit I was tired......hence why I couldn't recall, LOL.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/07/2016

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Actually Jodi, the personal attack was from her. You may not have seen it since it was deleted.

Jodi - posted on 01/07/2016

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I didn't "attack" anyone - there was absolutely nothing in that post that was directed at you personally. I was simply blunt and harsh in my response, but there was no personal attack. I apologise if you read it that way and if the word "fucking" was offensive to you.

Dove - posted on 01/07/2016

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So true Raye.

I tend to be blunt and rude and harsh when I post (not on all topics, but some for sure..). It's more a writing style than an 'attack' on anyone. Just short and to the point... which can certainly be 'brutal' more often than not. It's not MEANT to cause anyone grief. ;)

Tina - posted on 01/07/2016

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Thank you both so much, I am trying every day to strengthen my ability to walk away until my mind is clear and I realize I have to do this or my words are hollow and meaningless. I may be young but I want to offer anything I can to someone who might need it and to do that I need to stay calm. Thank you.

American - posted on 01/07/2016

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Your welcome and I myself have let those emotions take over and looked silly and childish but some of these women just bring out the worst in me.

Tina - posted on 01/07/2016

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Thank you American Woman, I am definitely trying that approach- I just tend to shut down and back away from things that agitate my borderline and or ptsd.. I don't use them as an excuse but with my being pregnant right now I am not medicated and sometimes these things are challenging me. Watching a woman being attacked while she was only asking for advice just made me feel so yucky inside. It reminded me of when I had my first daughter and I turned to the online community for help because I didn't have the support I so needed at the time and when I asked for advice I remember being attacked so many times... It was so hurtful and so discouraging. I know I shouldn't let internet bullies get to me but it is just who I am and boy- does it drive me nuts. I just wish one day all mother's can come together so we can support each other against all the negatives me all already encounter.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/07/2016

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One more thing, while I appreciate your apology, I am not the one that needs it.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/07/2016

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For future posts, understand respect is a 2 way street.

I do not see the posts you flagged, maybe I already addressed them. There is a "report" button on the lower right hand side directly under individual posts. If you have concerns in the future, best to flag a post and walk away instead of letting yourself get out of control.

ETA- you can only control your reaction, not other peoples way of thinking or acting.

Tina - posted on 01/07/2016

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And I do apologize for getting out of hand, that lady just hit some thorns in my side that my borderline disorder was just done taking. It was uncalled for and made myself look silly.

Tina - posted on 01/07/2016

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I just can't wrap my mind around how much parents go through via media and "new studies" and yet we turn around and attack other parents or mom's trying to seek help. I understand it is going to happen but it is just wrong. I have sent the link to a community management link, thank you for that.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/07/2016

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I am sorry you are having difficulties on CoM. Please understand, this is an international site that includes a variety of cultures, religions, and of course opinions. If you are being verbally attacked, bullied, or assaulted, or in any other way other members are violating the "NO THUMPS" policy in place by management, please flag the posts of your concern so Moderators can evaluate the situation to deal with it properly if needed. You can always directly PM the Moderators with your concerns, but please include a link to the thread of your concern for easier navigation.

This site can be very useful and helpful. I hope your future experiences reflect that.

~WtCoM MoD LiTtLe MiSs~

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