I am divorced, remarried, going through menopause with a 17 yr old daughter! Help!

Judy - posted on 05/07/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My daughters natural father and I have been divorced for over 10 yrs. He lives in another state, but has frequent contact with her via phone calls and periodic visits. My dilemma is that although I am remarried, my parenting style is more in common with her natural father, than my current husband. He has never parented a teen girl, and comes across very "militant" in trying to be the male role model in her life. Doesn't help that he was in the Marines for 10yrs. Therefore, she resents his parenting style, especially coming into her life at such a late stage of development. Needless to say, this is causing much anguish between her and I. If I were to discuss things with my ex, we could perhaps manage to curb some things, however, I don't feel this would sit well with my husband and then there may be contention between the two men. My husband reasons that since I/we have custody of her, that he and I should make the decisions regarding her life, and he thinks I am way too laid back, and I think he is over the top many times. Prior to getting remarried, I had made all the decisions regarding her upbringing, so her dad and I have seldom worked shoulder to shoulder on her care, decisions, discipline, etc. He has been content being her "sugar daddy" and not being "the heavy" when she gets poor grades. She is very well behaved young woman so she has typically only needed discipline regarding less than acceptable performance in school, and occasional "teen stuff" like back talk or little white lies. All I can say, is that her PMS and my menopause don't help this already difficult situation. I have seen a few red flags come out in her over the past 9 mths. (We have only been married 15 mths). How do I balance this?

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 05/08/2013

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You need to talk with your ex and your current husband. While he is a step parent, he sounds like he is stepping way over the line. Listen, this is a new man in your life. You need to choose your daughter over a man. She is almost an adult, and you want a good relationship with her to keep her in your life. Your husband certainly should be able to talk with you about discipline, but maybe NOT in front of her. Unless it is a very severe issue she does, and needs immediate attention when you are not around, I feel that the bio parents should be the ones doling out punishments. Unless of course the step parent has been with the child since birth....which he has not.

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