I am going to do it finally....

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

I have been tormenting about how to get custody of my granddaughter for quite some time now. I have a friend who had some very helpful info for me about how to go about this. Its a long story as to why I am pursuing this but long story short, mom is to immature and selfish. Money was the only factor holding us back, lawyer and court fees you know. I can file a fee waiver and then there are 2 different forms I can file which I am going to do. One is an ex parte emergency custody form and the other is called de facto, meaning we have supported and cared for her since she was born and mom or sperm donor provided no support at all. The burden of proof lies on my husband and I of course but now that I am armed with this info, that is not an issue at all.

I posted the link of my other post for those who want a long read. It really is a long story but hopefully will soon have a happy ending for my peach of a babycakes.



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[deleted account]

Bobbi, almost all of the above....Sadly her behavior didnt start at motherhood, it started long before that, when she decided that no one not even the courts were going to tell her what to do. Drinking partying truancy, running away. Name it she did it. We begged everytime she had to go to court for help but the system here believes in restorative justice, make the kids pay fees or do services for the fees to fix them. All that did was introduce her to more kids like her and let me tell ya they all fit together just fine. Yep my husband and I did what we were supposed to via a child trauncy order, we changed how we disciplined and rewarded, none of theirs or ours was effective . So now here we are 7 years later and 2 kids later, one was placed for adoption.(please do not ask), She knows we have no legal right to make her leave without her child. I will not let her take her child out to the life she lives, its dangerous and unstable. My husband and I have always been Mylas constant stability safety, support and love. We have never used her to manipulate people to get what we want. My daughter uses her child as tool and convenience to get what she wants. She knows that we are aware of her lifestyle and have only Mylas safety and interest at heart. If I thought she could change with ultimatums I would have kept using them, back before she got pregnant. Mom has her own car and managed to manipulate someone into paying insurance and gas for it, not me. We do not support mom at all except for shelter and well toilet paper cuz lets face it thats humane. I dont babysit my grandbaby whom I have helped raise since birth and even took care of when mom went off the deepend. I co-parent and if you ask my grandbaby I am her mom. Mom did move out for a while but decided drugs were more important then trying to establish stability. When she got sick of the man she was with, she suddenly wanted to get clean and move back home and be a mom. Well a month later and 20 days out all night and sleep all days, nothing has changed not even the empty promises. If I dont watch my grandbaby, she will just manage to convince one of her drunken friends to do it. Most of whom have never cared for a child and have a drug history or are active uers. So while you say I am enabling her, that may be your take on it, but I am protecting my grandchild because no one else will not even her mother and as the county has told me as long as someone is caring for the child they will not get involved. So yes I will go to court and I will fight to make what I have been doing legal all along. I am her caregiver, take her to doc appointments haircuts, parks all of the things a parent should do, except hers is still to wrapped up in partying and living it up to do it.

Bobbie - posted on 05/02/2012




Proof is not as difficult as it may seem. Or did you mean you had it?
1 - call you local court house and ask if there is a free family lawyer service. We have one in our town. The lawyer is there one day a week by first come, first serve, to answer questions about family law matters.
2 - If the mother isn't caring for the financial needs of the child it begs the question, are you caring for the mother as well? Many grandparents find themselves between a rock and a hard place. Legally you have to pull back your shoulders and say move out. Of course she will threaten that she is taking the baby. Say of course you are, she is yours and yours to financially care for. Chances are she will soon be at your door. Let her know the baby is always welcome to live there, she is not,.
If you spent your life enabling her, making life too easy, answering all her needs then of course you have made her immature, needy and not able to stand on her own two feet. How is it fair to her to say now that you have to take custody. The right answer is to tell her to take the baby and make her own way. A child needs their mother regardless of her short comings. If you weren't there to smoother and protect she would soon kick in to mommy mode and stop being a child you keep from maturing. example: she can't be out at night and running around drinking if she isn't given the means to do so. If you baby sit, let her use your car and or give her money then you are the problem and taking custody isn't the solution. Judges know the damage to the child's mind it causes when a mother is taken out of their lives. That is why drug addicts, and women with real lifestyle issues are afforded chance after chance to get their children. A child would be happier living in a cardboard box eating noodles everyday with his mother than living in a wonderful house with grandma. You may need to step in to help from time to time in this child's AND his/her mother's life but step back first and let her grow up without your shadow or constant enabling "I will do it for the baby" attitude.
Example: Give her 6 months to save money and move out. Let her know you mean business. Tell her she is to be a good mother and you won't have it any other way. That you realize she can do it without help and has to do it without your help. Don't offer advice on how to do it. Don't follow her around, assist in job hunting, child care, nothing. Hand her the baby and say make it work and she will.

Bethany - posted on 05/02/2012




As long as its the right thing for the child. I would like some more info on why though

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