I am in a living hell with my 16 year old stepson

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

I have been with my fiancé now for 5 years. His son has been a problem child from a young age. His family blames it on his ex-wife which leaves a lot to be desired if I can put it mildly. His son lived with him from the age of about 7. The moment I met this child I knew there was a problem. He would give endless problems at school and his father was called in about at least 3 to 4 times a month. He would not do his homework. When I starting checking his homework he hadn't worked in his books for almost 8 months! Asking his teachers they said they have given up. I helped him catch up and arranged with his dad to get him a tutor. After swearing the tutor and pretending for hours on end that he is doing his homework she refused to help us. He would steal at school and is a bully. He then proceeded to steal from me (my previous wedding ring, watch and necklace) and pawned it and bought cigarettes. He stole from my daughters also. He continued stealing until his Dad had enough and he moved back with his mom. His behaviour just escalated and went from killing small animals (cats) to lying, to failing his grades, making improper sexual advances to girls, smoking, smoking cannabis, drinking, to intimidating teachers and stealing, to finally threatening a teacher and he was once again asked to leave the school he is in (this was over the past 4 years). He has seen psychologists and refuses to take medication. His last psychologist chased him out of his rooms. No form of punishment helped. No form of treatment or therapy helps. After various meetings with schools (schools in the area would not allow him in as he built a reputation by this time), we were able to get him into an all boys boarding school thinking that in this environment he would do better. First semester at the new school and his Dad was called in again. I do not want him to visit at my house anymore but I receive pressure from his father to allow him to visit. I cannot stand the sight of him. He deliberately disrespects me and my home. He is now 2 years behind in school. His father has quite a grip on him now and he has very little space to cause again but his latest is for example defecating in my shower when he visits. This is a 16 year old boy! I am at wits end and I am considering leaving my fiancé.

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Jodi - posted on 09/03/2015

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Consider it an international forum. Where I live, terms such as "back the hell up" and "dick" are actually quite common place. Nowhere did I actually attack YOU personally.

But I do question anyone who would try to blame the ex in this situation, especially as the child has lived with the father since he was 7 (for the last 9 years). Unfortunately, by beginning with this statement, you have immediately dismissed the father's responsibility in this issue, and so has he.....which tells me you really aren't interested in holding him accountable. So what is the point? He IS accountable. And if he can't be accountable, then you have more problems than a 16 year old child who defecates in your shower.

[deleted account]

Hi Jodi,

Well I joined circle of Moms yesterday in the hope to find some guidance and support. Unfortunately I found my first reply from a fellow Mom to be yours. I find you aggressive and judgemental. Had you read my message further you would have noticed that I elaborated about the situation in more detail. No Jodi, using words like "back the hell up", "Dick", and words in uppercase seems a bit aggressive. I think you are the one that should go for therapy as you obviously has some underlying anger issues. Thanks for being my first port of call for help, thanks for giving me a very dire impression of this website and quite frankly thank you for being the reason I will not be a member of this website in future. Powered by RESPECT, yeah right more like foul mouthed angry Moms is more like it. You have a nice day now you hear?

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Jodi - posted on 09/02/2015

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OK, I started your post, and before I continue reading it, I want to stop you right where you say "His family blames it on his ex-wife". Hold it right there and back the hell up. There are TWO parents in this situation, and the ex wife is only one of them. I have an ex who is a dick. I do not EVER choose to blame my son's poor behaviour on his father. The way he acts in MY home and on my time is MY responsibility and MY responsibility alone. What "I" choose to do about situations is also my responsibility.

If his father had since the age of 7, believe me, this is not about the ex entirely.

Now having said that, I need to ask if this child is special needs in some way? Has he ever been diagnosed with anything? Perhaps on the spectrum?

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