I am losing it with my 10 year olds behavior :( !

Mary - posted on 08/07/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 10 and i am truely at a loss. We have been in counciling since May and i don't feel as if its helped us one bit. She acts daily as if she has so much anger and hate. If i ever ask of ANYTHING of her its the end of the world. I watched older kids this summer,our neighbors,for 3 days a week and the kids even will call her out on the way she speaks to me and treats me. Its like a flip of a switch with her. Everythings fine if we are swimming,biking, on a outing.... anything where shes enjoying herself. She has always known that this is a FAMILY and we all work together as one. If its not benefitting Emily then forget it! I bust my tail for my kids to give them what they NEED not everything they WANT . Of course my kids get rewarded for bahavior like staying up a little later and stuff like that like , but its not a daily thing. I dont ever remember treating my Mother like this? Yes i was moody and gave attitude, but omg nothing like this. I get door slamming, i hate you, your the meanest mom, you love my brothers more than me........ you name it she says it. Im so tired of crying myself to sleep figuring out how i have failed as a Mother. I really really feel i am a GREAT MOM. Please ,please, Moms out there i will appreciate any advice. My girlfriends daughters,Emilys friends, dont act like this! They of course give the attitude but nothing like i have explained to many of my friends that are Moms of girls this age.

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Cherish - posted on 08/07/2012

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Have you read the book "the explosive child"?If not it might be helpful

Lacye - posted on 08/07/2012

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The next time she tries to pull one of her stunts, inform her that your girls day out will be canceled if she doesn't straighten up. If she doesn't start doing what you tell her to and starts respecting you, don't take her on girls day out and she has to stay in her room for the day. It will take some time but she will eventually get the point. She is getting to do something fun even though she acts horrible at home. If she starts slamming the door, take her door away until she can earn it back. Yes that sounds a little mean but if she is going to be slamming it (possibly damaging the wall it is connected to) then she doesn't deserve it. If she says "I hate you" or "You're the meanest mom", have her write a letter about why she hates you or why you or mean and then afterwards discuss it with her. It does sound like she's trying to be the boss but you can get her back to where she will listen to you.

Carol - posted on 08/07/2012

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She is 10 and going through a rough patch. You need to relax and not let her push your buttons. Don't cry yourself to sleep, you are not a failed Mom. You may even be frightening her because you seem so affected. Try to stay calm. When she says hateful things reply "I am sorry you are feeling angry, I love you and your brothers very much." When she says you are mean and bang doors don't take the bait, a calm voice or even a note that says "In this house we try not to yell at each other and bang doors, and I will almost never change my mind about a rule or a punishment because of rude behavior. However, if you want to sit and talk with a calm voice or write me a calm note I am willing to listen to what you wish was different." I know it is very hard but when she does deserve it she needs all the praise and good words you can find. You might also talk with her doctor. Some medical conditions cause a quick snap in tolerance and make kids very irritable. Also a diet high in sugar and low in protien can do the same thing. Hang in there Mom, this too will pass.

Mary - posted on 08/07/2012

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Thank you Michelle-
YES she is trying to be the boss. Even our therapist said that she is trying to be almost an equal or the parent by manipulating. But i need to stay strong. I have made Sundays,our girl day together for mani pedis or grab lunch and talk. The time alone is great! We laugh and are silly. Its the transition back to reality you know? Like as simple as chores or something. I will take keep trying:) I love her so much and just want to be able to communicate better you know. Emily is a straight A student and And i know i need to work as hard as her, and i need to stop taking it all so personal. Thanks again for your advice :)
Mary

Michelle - posted on 08/07/2012

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first of all ur not a failer a mother is the best thing that ever happen to a child.it sounds like shes growing up a little to fast she wants to be the boss .sometimes you have to do alittle bit more iam not saying that you dont. find out wat she likes.stay updates with her in conversations gilrs love these thing the more just you in her talk the better she comes around take some time out for you & her only go out somewhere get her nails done shop a little.in also start conversation as you guys do all the things that ur doing for that day,you wanna get her so that she will be comfortable with you.now this dosen't happens over night it takes a while as you guys talk joke with her as like you in ur friends did when you were a kid .you have to show her that she can be more relaxing with you as with her friends. let her know some people dont have a mom that they can with or love & let her know that yall relationship is important. she must learn the values of life first ...also still be the mother at the same time not the friend if nothing happens then sometimes our children will have to learn the hard way of a valus mom never let them take controll if you ask me i bet that she smart in school so that give me an option that she knows exzacaly what shes doing i hope some of this was helpful

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User - posted on 11/30/2012

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My daughter 10 to be in few weeks,

I put her in counselling and after a weeks i notice that she was acting up more and every thing i asked of her to do.. she would have a tantrum.. and ya if its not going her way look out! and so a lot of emotion was starting to appear ! but i kinda of thought it would

Our family situation changed while she was gone for the summer, Now its just me and her so i started to work with her and the councillor.. But things started to work its self out.. So i thought nope it just got worse and i felt as if i was loosing control, And to tell you the truth My daughter is no longer in counselling , It was making our relation ship fall apart and was nothing but a battle filed. its been a week Thursday and i have notice a change in her and in me as well we have been much closer and i just feel its can be a good thing or a not so good thing

im back in control and i tell her the the ladies door is open to talk to if u must but as far as once a week visits not at this time ..and i feel i made a good decisions, me and her take time out for just us no one ells and i know this is helping us grow strong together

Mary - posted on 08/07/2012

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Cherish - i havent yet but i was just told by two of my teacher friends to read it ! So i will . Thank you

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