I am losing it with my 2 year old

Angel Marie - posted on 05/07/2013 ( 44 moms have responded )

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I need help!! I feel like I have lost all control when it comes to discipline. My son is 2 and he screams, says no, and does everything a 2 year old does...he WILL NOT listen. I hate spanking but I've used it plenty of times, what do I do?! I have tried everything!!! :( counting to three is a joke, screaming makes it worse, the corner is more of a hassle for me forcing him to stand up right, or put his nose in the corner, or stop playing....etc. he REFUSES to clean up his mess! he throws food on the floor I could go on and on for HOURS you name it! He does it! Please help me! I have exhausted every option I can think of.

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Jackie - posted on 05/11/2013

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I found with my children that being calm and getting quieter as they scream helps. Two-year-olds are just beginning to explore their world and often do not have the vocabulary to express themselves so what do they do? Scream. The key is staying calm and modeling the behavior we expect them to learn. Screaming back and spanking can only make it worse. The only thing spanking accomplishes for us is to vent our own frustration.

I have seen moms hold their child on their lap for three minutes work but two-year-olds do not have the self-control to sit for even a short time, much less sit in a corner. (1-2-3 Magic is not helpful for many.) I would suggest taking yourself out of the situation by going into your bathroom or bedroom and putting a door between you until you calm down. When you are calmer you can rejoin your son. You will want to make sure your son is safe during this time.

As for food being thrown on the floor, the moment any food hit the floor I have to assume my child is not hungry and his meal has finished for a time. I would wait until the next meal and offer food again. Until that next meal, I would see that there are no snacks or treats. (Any sugar is undesirable at this age.)

Two-year-olds can not be expected to clean up any mess at this age. They might be able to begin picking up a few toys, books, etc. but not food thrown on the floor.

By interacting with your son when he is out-of-control you are rewarding his behavior. It could help you to use earplugs or an iPod to drown out your son's screaming. Human beings react to loud noises in a bad way and the earplugs can help negate that effect.

Do you have a family helpline in your area? Most states have helplines for parents under stress. Check around and see if you can find a 1-800 number to call. A helpline can help you remain calm by venting your anger and frustration.

I give you a thumbs-up for reaching out to other parents. I hope you may see an improvement in your son's behavior soon.

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You need to use natural and logical consequences.

If he throws food on the floor, take the food away, and don't give him anymore until the next meal.
If he refuses to clean up, pick up the toys for him, put them in a box and donate them to charity. Take him with you to the drop box (avoid the places where you give them to a person because the person will interfere) and explain why he is donating his toys.
If he is fussing in a store, leave your cart with a clerk and take him to the car. Strap him into his carseat until the tantrum has passed. Tell him "You can cry as long as you want, we'll go back in when you are ready."

This forces HIM to take ownership of his actions. He is strong willed and he is never going to do something just because you want him to do it. You have to make HIM want to do it, and the best way to do that is give him consequences that are a direct result of his behavior, and that effect him and his little world.

Nazevyanga - posted on 05/10/2013

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Angel, there's no one-size-fits-all for things like that. Children are not well behaved, they have to be taught. When you deal with you 2 year old, they should not see that they are getting under your skin, this is when you learn self-control. If they figure out that they can drive you crazy, chances are they will albeit unintentionally. They get a rise out of you and they think that's how it should be. Remember, they are learning. If you don't allow food to be thrown on the floor today, that should never change, be consistent and do not duel with your LO. Be firm but do not yell (yes I know it's almost impossible and it will take practice buy trust me you can do it). Mothers have a reservoir of strength that they seldom tap into. Just when you feel you are losing it, take a step back...and get yourself together. The best time to discipline your child is with no anger because anger blinds you and you may do things you later regret. For those of us who pray, I pray daily for grace and strength and wisdom for everyday. Otherwise I would be in the looney bin by now, but just stay with it. I did not use the word "no" with my daughter until she was two because with her older siblings went through the "no" phase. Redirect as much as you can, instead of saying no, redirect the child to something they can do instead.....it's not easy and don't be fooled by other moms who behave like they have it together, don't compare your child to other children just put your heart and back into it. You can do it. There's not guide book or law to follow. Encourage good behavior without bringing them down for something they did wrong. Tell them in no uncertain terms but in a way that makes them think , you think they are responsible enough. Punishment should be a last resort.

Mary - posted on 05/07/2013

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To be honest, a lot of what you are describing is not unusual behavior for a 2 y/o. He's testing his limits, and trying to control whatever he can in his environment. It IS frustrating and exhausting. For me, the real key to success was to not really respond to it. By that, I mean I tried my damnedest to not display any significant emotion. If she was throwing a tantrum, I did not raise my voice or get even remotely riled up (well, not in any way that she could tell). I would calmly and quietly speak to her. I would walk away and just ignore her until she was done. In short, I didn't feed into the hysteria, and I denied her the reaction that she was looking for.

At two, time outs and counting didn't really work - they weren't something I found to be effective or even worthwhile until she was closer to 3. Redirection and removal from the situation were still the better way to handle things for us at that age. I never, ever spanked. I'm not saying there weren't moments I wanted to - but in truth, that was really more of a reflection of my own frustration and anger than anything else. It just meant that I wasn't in control of my own emotions - she was. Spanking her would have meant that she had succeeded in controlling me and my responses - and would have only taught her that she could get the rise out of me that she was seeking.

As for cleaning up - again - two is still a bit young for a child to do it independently or without a struggle. I found that I had to make it desirable for her to want to help me. We would sing songs and do it together, and I would lavishly praise her for helping. We also didn't move on to anything else until it was done - "We can't paint, color, have a snack, whatever, until these blocks are all back in the bin." Positive reinforcement, praise and rewards for accomplishments were the key to getting her to do the things I wanted her to.

Shauna - posted on 05/13/2013

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Well my 2 year old is going through the same thing. She throws herself on the floor in the middle of Walmart just about every time we go and if she acts up in the car or anything along with her sister who is 5, I take away their toys. And I'm not talking about just any toys, I take away their favorite toys and I also have them sit on the couch for as many minutes as they are old. For ex my 5 year old sits for 5 minutes and my 2 year old sits for 2. If they get up or throw a fit the time starts over. It only took my 5 year old 2 days to figure that out and my 2 year old it took a week. They do not like it when I take their toys away as you can imagine. I also take away cartoons for the night or for a couple of hours. If in Walmart they do not get a toy or anything. Good luck through all of this. Feel free to email me or send me a message on here.

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Kareln - posted on 05/17/2013

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your child is only 2 he is acting as a 2 year old should and to expect him to clean up and do chores shame on you and l tell u why?he likes the reaction of u blowing up YOU need to change u approach make it fun and when u with u son make the time about him give him a special place to put his things in tell him hes a good boy and dont react to the negative things as l said he likes the reaction coz at 2 its funny ? angel you the one out of control u the adult not u son and u cant expect a 2 year to have the in formation u have u need to nurture him guide him NOW if u get the program SIGNPOSTS FOR BETTER BEHAVIOUR u will see how to respond to u son and that a bit of calm down from u will make the difference to both of u PLEASE dont smack him it doesnt work and he will resent u praise him up and he be with u 4 life if not he leave asap l know lve raised 2 sons u friend kaz

Cecilia - posted on 05/15/2013

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Amanda, you really twisted things.

me "Time outs work great if the child is old enough and mature enough to even get some understanding out of it." I did not say they don't understand what they did.

I did not see one person tell her to leave for her room in the middle of his fit. that is common sense. What we suggested was that she go in her room to calm down when his small antics are starting to get to her.

It is not teaching them to run and hide, it teaches then to be aware of their own emotional state and know when they need a break. Time out works in the same way doesn't it? 'cept in time out you're telling them they are forced to sit rather than having the choice.

BTW never call a kid "bad". If you're going to use the word bad, then say what you did was bad. random word bad makes the child think they are bad.There are no bad children. Only bad parents.

I do agree time out should have a spot in the house that is away from everything else. I do not agree with a corner because you're making your own frustration worse because they will not keep their face in a corner. Buy a door mat or a small chair and set it in a spot away from tv and distractions.

Amanda - posted on 05/14/2013

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I have read a few post saying that putting them in their bedroom works. NEVER DO THIS! This makes them associate their room as a bad place. Their room is for playing and sleeping not a time out spot, where they can play instead of thinking about what they did, AND YES TWO YEAR OLDS KNOW WHAT THEY DID!! Why are so many people counting this out! Time out corners are the best for them to calm down while you can still see them. Also locking yourself in your room while a two year is having a fit not a good idea, they are throwing things already what will happen when you leave the room plus you are telling them to run and hide when they get upset. Hold their hands at their side look them in the eye and use little words NO works, BAD WE DON'T DO THAT works and then tell them don't ask them to sit in the corner until you come get them. But putting them in their room when they are being bad is just hiding the behavior, also makes a safe secure place become a bad place in little eyes! Be firm and be the boss!

Brandy - posted on 05/13/2013

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I went through this with my 2 older kids. Number 3 is only 5 months but I know I'll go through it again. Kids at this age need extra attention. What we did was explained to them that this is the wrong way to get our attention. We would punish the behavior and then made sure to give them extra attention. We also told them that they can tell us that they want attention and we will give it to them. With our lives being so busy these days we don't realize that our kids are sometimes lacking in our quality time. Our kids "terrible 2's" only lasted 2 weeks and I atribute it to this! Good luck though and do what feels right in your heart.

YOLI - posted on 05/13/2013

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Redirect your orders, make picking up toys, food, etc a fun game. Little kids that age do not take orders well. I wish I had known that when my kids were little but I learned that when spending time with my grand kids. It works very well. Use your imagination, the child will have fun and you will also.

Jennifer - posted on 05/13/2013

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I like what Kelly said "This forces HIM to take ownership of his actions. He is strong willed and he is never going to do something just because you want him to do it. You have to make HIM want to do it, and the best way to do that is give him consequences that are a direct result of his behavior, and that effect him and his little world.".
2-3 yrs old is when the battle of will at the highest level. Be firm, and DON'T REACT to his temper-tantrum. Calm and wait for him to finish his and just give him the consequence of his temper-tantrum. Since he is only 2 yrs old, his attention span is very very short. If you hand out a punishment, it should be in line with his attention span. The punishment should be something you can keep, not "I will kill you, I will break your leg..." Try not to show that you are mad because that is what he wants to see and he'll know that it affects you.

Alicia - posted on 05/13/2013

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with my girls when the screaming started i told them 'thats an outside voice. if you want to scream go outside' they usually told me no and then scream again at that point i would put them out on the front porch. once there they would usually get all the screams out then they would put their outside voice down on the porch and want back in. i never left the front door. i stood and watched them. we also have a time out jar i had the kids make one each its just water in a mason jar with glitter. if our kids go into time out we get out the jar and shake it and then the kids have to sit in time out until the glitter in the jar settles. as for cleaning his mess what kind of mess? if hes droping food then get down on the floor with him and take his hands and clean it up using his hands. if its toys then make a deal he picks one up and you pick one up. that worked with my kids. and now when i say that i have to vaccuum my middle girl runs crying to clean up. in the past also if they havent cleaned up their toys. i put the timer on and what ever is still on the floor after the timer beeps i put in a plastic garbage bag and i put it outside in the garbage can and it only took a couple of times of that and they cleaned up. i use time out but i dont make my kids put their nose in the corner that lowers their self esteem. just set him away from the action. have a special spot or chair that is the time out spot/chair this spot for me was at the front door cause they could hear everything and their sister playing but couldnt join in and they hated that.

Angela - posted on 05/12/2013

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Get the 1,2,3 magic book. My boys were very difficult an. Found if you read the book and follow it word for word and use it like a bible. It really works I swear by it. Started it when my youngest was two. He is now three and knows I mean business. Don't give them too many choices they are the child you Are the parent not their friend. You make the choices and discisions. Good luck. Hope this helps

User - posted on 05/12/2013

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kids will be kids.....have as much patience as possible.....take turns with a spouse or relative in terms of discipline and make it consistent.....try to provide items that don't make as much of a mess since kids are bound to make it....if he/she eats all of his/her food then say nicely as they are eating that desert will be offered after

- chris
http://www.coolcityentertainment.com

Cecilia - posted on 05/12/2013

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Jordana, that's a good idea. I guess i do something similar cept not as detailed lol. I told my 15 yr old if he stops fighting with his sister, i would buy him incense as he needed them. It did actually work. Might use the tickets for potty training the 2 year old. (she knows what to do she just doesn't always want to)

Jordana - posted on 05/12/2013

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I came up with the 'ticket system' with my girls who were a year and a half apart and fighting. Bought some cute coin collection cans (one each) and a roll of tickets from Office Depot. Each time they did something I asked or praised, they got either 1-3 tickets. If they did something I didn't like I withdrew tickets accordingly. When they would fight, I would intervene and whomever I determined was at fault I'd ask the other child how many tickets did she think it should cost the offending sister and if it was to high, we'd negotiate. At the end of some particular time(a week or month) the tickets could be redeemed for a toy. 25 tkts they could pick a toy costing $5.00 As they got older they could redeem tickets for dollars and save for what they wanted to buy. 5 tickets could be exchanged for 1 dollar. First you need to get your child's attention and explain that they can get toys this way so they buy into this. When their eyes light up, you've got their attention then your in. Remember to stick with this system of discipline whenever you need it. Consistency is key and will yield results if applied. Best wishes, Jordana

Amanda - posted on 05/12/2013

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My niece is like this with mom and dad, but with me she knows full well she gets away with nothing, and I mean nothing! When she cries over something I ignore her, when she doesn't listen time out all the way. It does work, but you have to in force it every time, not do it once and a while but all the time. After a few days of running around after him it will stop. They know what you are saying to them, people don't give toddlers enough credit. They know they are in the wrong and they know when they can get away with it. My niece hasn't pushed my buttons in two months, because i don't yell I change the tone of my voice and look her in the eye. She doesn't listen I tell her she has five seconds to try again or time out. Only put her in time out once in two months and it was for not picking up her toys in the kitchen. You are the boss you have to act like it. At two they want to see how long they can keep it up. He runs to play while in time out put him back in. He doesn't it again do what I did tell him that toy will go bye bye for a whole week if you keep doing that.

Porfiria - posted on 05/12/2013

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Girl, I am going through it with my 2 year old also. He just does not want to make it easy for me. I have three boys I don't remember going through this with my other two but my last baby he pushes my buttons. But I just say in my head maybe it just what 2 year-olds do. Be strong hopefully three will be easier!

Dianna - posted on 05/12/2013

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i have a 2 yr old daughter too, and she can be pretty defiant at times as well. Avoiding difficult situations is key, if you know that hes going to have a fit over something then do your best to curb the situation before it happens, whether by means of distraction or enticement. Positive reinforcement is a requirement when dealing with a toddler... if they know that they can get a huge emotional pay off by doing a good deed, they'll do it again and again! (I'm not saying giving material things just to clarify... but sometimes a song or a little dance and a hug goes a really long way) try and maintain a positive attitude and play to their emotions... after all its the language they know best! Reinforce that positive behavior intensely... they quickly figure out that they can get the same attention and a bigger payoff from good behavior. Second when dealing with pesky tantrums.... you cannot.... CANNOT condone the behavior in anyway....explain it then IGNORE IT! tell them why then whether they get a minute in their room, you stop the game and walk away.... you take the toys and pack em up and walk away.... the sooner they realize that there is no payoff from the tantrum the sooner it will end... (when my oldest was 18mnths old he threw a tantrum at me while we were playing in the living room... he had found something he shouldn't have and i had taken it away ... i think it was a rock lol and he freaked... so i put him in his playpen and walked into the kitchen to get a drink... in a couple seconds he stopped crying and about 10 seconds after that i walked back in and on the water works went again.... so out of curiosity i stepped out again..just behind the wall out of site....same thing) they throw the fits because they think it will get them what they want... when they realize they lose in a fit its game over. In the end when you do discipline pick your battles, make it reasonable and stick to your guns!! Whether its a time out or the corner er whatever... and when at all possible STAY CALM... when they see you getting angry.... they see themselves getting closer to mommy giving up the fight... even if it just means angry inside and a straight up poker face lol. Pick you battles... maybe you have a hard time getting him to do somethings.... well sometimes its better to just suck it up and do it yourself and work on it later.... some examples of things that have worked for me.... my girly threw her dinner on the floor a few times... i got down to pick it up and she was there.... I made the biggest pouty face i could muster and just said "mommy made you all this nice dinner and you threw it on the floor and made it all garbage" :(.... i didn't have to tell her to do anything.... she pouted right along with me and helped clean up.... it played to her emotions... she understood that it hurt my feelings... i got her to help clean it up i thanked her big time for helping me clean it... now if she doesn't want something she pushes it away from herself and says yuck.... but it isn't on the floor lol and just for the record... spanking doesn't really do anything... its more out of your own frustration then a lesson for him.... the key is to make him want to make the right decisions on his own... not out of fear or force.... making a big deal of the good and ignoring (well no positive attention and losing out on whatever they were doing or wanted when the bad behavior occurred) will usually steer them in the right direction.... the first little while of doing this is really hard.... the fits might be right out of control... but it pays off in the end... and don't make excuses.. even out in public... if it means dropping what you are doing and bringing the kid to the car and putting him in his seat.... stand outside the car where they can see you and look at your phone grab something out of your purse and tinker with it... when they realize its not workin the fit will stop and your day can move on :) hope some of this helps :)

Tereesa Marie - posted on 05/12/2013

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with the mess instead of telling him to clean it make it a game and say hey lets see who can pick these toys/clothes et.. up fastest they usually forget it's a chore and play along just act like your having the time of your life playing, then let him win of course and praise him for his great job at playing the game.
Make your no's mean no. if he throws his food but then wants a candy bar or chips or soda or whatever tell him no because he threw his fod he can not have the treat no matter how long he throws his fit stick to your no. That's very important, if you give in they think they can get away with the negative behavior and keep doing it. bedtime put him in his room turn off the light close the door if he comes out keep putting him back to bed. When he throws a fit in public take warn him that you will take him to the car, put him in the car in his seat stand outside so you can see him let him throw his fit as long as he wants then try again, it's a royal pain but consistancy is the key.
I have my 3 year old grandson and my 5 year old granddaughter we have issues with them too, however they know that grandma means what she says:)

Cherrir - posted on 05/12/2013

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Its just what kids do... Knowing what to expect and knowing it will happen can take the stress off abit. Maybe instead of controlling him, control the situation. Put a mat on the ground at food time. Some toys or snacks when you go out shopping? Pack toys away and leave out a few to minimise toys being scattered, and rotate toys every few days to keep interest. Show him signs for things he would want, like a drink or food so communication doesnt get frustrating? I feel sometimes my 1 and a half yr old is a evil genius lol arent they all?

Tamatha - posted on 05/11/2013

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Hitting anyone is wrong, and I cannot imagine it makes a difference. Remember, his body is little, with little bones and a little bottem. Hitting him cannot possibly make you feel any better. Two year olds are all about choices. Give him choices in everything: choosing shirts, food, play areas. The trick is to give him choices you have already decided on. Like, you have two parks in mind in which to play, so give him those two choices. Less stress for BOTH of you. Remember how stressed and exhausted you are? How do you think his little emotional self feels? When two year olds have control in their environment, they want to please. It will take time to get there, but don't give up! Try not to abuse him, either. Spanking, yelling, manhandling, and neglect are all forms of abuse. If you need a break, don't feel bad about asking for it! You will both be better for it, and you will be closer!

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/11/2013

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Cecilia, I totally agree with your no hitting opinion. I am not saying I've never thought about it , but I have never done it. It seems parents use the threat of spanking or an actual spanking as the easy way out. It is easy to scare your child into submission , but to take the time to actually show them through example and through positive reinforcement Just seems to be too much of a hassle for some. If a child is only behaving out of fear of spanking then what happens when that fear is taken away? How will they behave when they are with other adults who do not spank , or how will they behave as young adults if they are not taught to behave right through methods that have a long lasting effect on their moral compasses? My goal is to teach my kids to behave because they want to and because that will lead them in the right direction in life , not because they have to or they will get hit

Helen - posted on 05/11/2013

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PRAISE!
Use praise as much as you can. Children want to please and telling them you like what they are doing makes them happy! Always ask them to do things - use 'please' and 'thank you' yourself and model the behaviour you want from him.
I have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old and having the 'NO!!' from both of them atm and it is SO difficult! time out's are ok for the bigger one, but not the younger. For us time outs are a way to calm us all down, so standing in the corner etc wouldn't cut it with anyone here.

I am quite lucky in that my 2 yr old wants to put away puzzles etc and usually does it without being told, but thats unusual - and certainly the opposite of his big brother. At 2 they usually cannot clean up anything, but they may be able to 'help' you; usually making the task take 10 times longer than if you did it yourself, but they are learning and everything takes practice.

We use star charts; making them up as we go along - 'family kindness chart' works quite well for us - every time someone is kind: helpful, caring, loving etc a sticker goes on the chart, then when there are 'enough' stickers (movable goal depending on circumstances) we get a family treat - remember that children like/need instant gratification so sticker ASAP after the kindness, along with heaped praise, and not too long to wait for the treat (could even be a special snack at drinks time!) Just don't use the same thing all the time - the effectiveness wears off quite quickly, but there are loads of variations people have blogged about.

Most of all - remember he's a 2 year old, being a 2 year old and doing what 2 year olds do! Try not to worry too much, I've found the more worked up I get the more stress the boys give me - so chill out and let him be 2. They grow up too fast as it is.

Enjoy and have fun

Cecilia - posted on 05/11/2013

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Time outs work great if the child is old enough and mature enough to even get some understanding out of it. Sorry but at 2 years old, they aren't there. Maybe around 2 and 1/2. but 3 is where they get it. I also have a 2 year old. I will admit she is not rough at all. I have 3 older than her and 2 also wasn't much of an issue. Was it the way i handled them? Maybe.

Either way a suggestion of what i do for a 2 year old instead of time out. It is what we call "break" When they get to that point of not able to control their own emotions. Be it over not able to do something, or not getting the snack they want.. what ever causes the emotional break down, take them and sit somewhere quiet (we do it on the steps) with them on your lap if you can. Sometimes they are upset with you and do not want to sit on your lap.

Some might call me silly and that I coddle my children. That's okay. I have a 2 year old who will tell me "break" when she needs to just have a moment. We can be in the middle of a store and she is overwhelmed for what ever reason and we go find a quiet place to sit for a minute.

As someone else suggested take timeouts your self. I do it too. It is much easier to calmly communicate to them if you are calm.

Do learn to give a punishment to fit the crime. If he throws food on the floor warn him " if you throw food again, I will take it away" What ever you warn him with make sure you will follow through. If you don't plan on it- don't say it. If he throws toys- he will lose his favorite toy. If he acts up in a place he wants to be (such as a park) you will leave.

Please do not keep hitting him. You are teaching him to hit also. You have a son- this means in 10 years he's bigger than you... then what happens when he decides he can hit you back? What happens when you go to hit him and he laughs and says it doesn't hurt? Don't people think about this?

Cheryl - posted on 05/11/2013

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Oh, my, have I BEEN THERE! My kid did this and I found that repeating until I was blue in the face was what helped. Nothing else did. Timeouts were more exhausting for me and they give him the attention he wants. I get down at his level and make him look me RIGHT IN THE EYES WHILE I tell him: "NO ONE throws food on the floor in this family. No one wants to eat food off the floor and we waste if it goes on the floor, right? So no more food on the floor. When you are done, put it/eave it on your plate, tell me you are done and I will take it away." Same with spoons, forks, etc. I say "mom and dad don't throw their fork, DO they? No, they don't!! So you can't either. We all follow the same rules. NEVER throw food or silverware or cups or plates on the floor." over and over like a broken record and now he tells ME the rules. He turns 2 next weekend. We are still working on cleaning up toys. You have to make that one a fun game or forget it! You cannot force him, you can only motivate him to want to do it. Counting to 3 only works occasionally with "get over here" when we need to leave. I tell him we will not go anyplace unless he comes on the count of 3 and he runs over.

Kristin - posted on 05/10/2013

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If he's just throwing a fit sometimes it helps to throw a fit right back at them. Be louder and even more dramatic and when you have his attention just stop. For me (it's albeit a little humiliating if you're anywhere but...) it works every time ;) It kind of shows them how ridiculous they are being. Also, I think it's a tiny bit traumatizing to see a parent lose control like that-even for a moment.

Amanda - posted on 05/10/2013

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There is book called magic 123. It was reccomended reading from my pediatrician. Read the whole thing. I always found a time out spot pointless with older one. Her bedroom was much more effective. My daughter discovered the terrible 2's at 14 months according to her doctor. The methods in that book saved my sanity.

NANCY - posted on 05/10/2013

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from my experience, i use consistency, firm voice, and mean what i say. tell him once, walk away dont ever let him see you frustrated and angry. he knows what buttons to push. if he doesnt do what he wants, do it yourself (wait a minute please let me finish, lol) and when he "wants" something from you, like cuddle time, playing, or wants something sweet, thats when you tell him that you cant due to him not obeying you when you gave him an order. check out "How to have a new kid by friday" by Dr. Kevin Lehman, wish i had this when my kid was 4yrs old, shes now 10 but it works!! trust me! = )

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Remember to breath Mom. He is testing you and your limitations. Stay calm.
I used to take my son outside, put him in his car seat and stay outside the car until he was calm, that happened twice. Now he is 7 and I can get in and out without an issue. My daughter (3), we still have to go outside and take "breathers", we call them that because she wasn't/isn't really being bad, she was/is being 2/3. So we will step outside for a "breather". If you give into your anger you are allowing him to control you. Spanking works for some kids, but most just learn that it is ok to hit when angry.

Stay consistent, calm & always follow through. Good luck to you!

Katy - posted on 05/10/2013

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I have a 2 year old girl who is my wild child. Time outs are just starting to work with her. My husband uses the baby tactic with her and she does not like being called a baby and acting like a baby (especially since we have a new baby in the house). Patience and consistency is the key. Getting down on her level always helps me as well. She knows what she is supposed to behave like, but remember he is 2. They are still learning about the world and how it works. Even my 5 year old is still learning that.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/10/2013

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Parenting will definitely teach us patience! I also do not like the idea of spanking and somehow have managed to not spank even though it was very hard not to at times. I know this Has been said , but being consistent is your best bet. It might take some time , but your child will eventually learn that certain behaviors come with a consequence and the consequences are not worth acting up. Kids will test us to see Just how much they can get away with and it's not bc they are bad ; they are learning about the world and if they see that acting up gets them the attention they want or if it can gets a reaction out of mommy then they will continue doing it. I learned positive reinforcement works wonders also . I try to praise my child as much as possible when she does the right thing to show her good behavior equals a happy kid and a happy mom. I also let her pick a place she really wants to go every Sunday if she has had " acceptable" behavior for the week . No kid will be perfect all the time , but there are ways to minimize the days you feel like pulling your hair out!

Courtney Layne - posted on 05/10/2013

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Hi angel, I have 2 boys at ages 4, and 5. I didn't have any issues with my older son but when my younger son came along and started throwing fits my older one started to act out, so I've been through a lot. The #1 thing that you can do is take a deep breath and very patiently get down on your knees hold his hand look in his eyes and softly talk with him about why what he is doing is wrong. If you can get them to think about what they are doing it gives them the ability to choose how to act. You must be consistent, this is key. Every time before I discipline my son I have to count to ten to myself take a deep breath and then go speak to him. It's hard to be that patient but it pays off. My son had the issue of throwing his food when he was 2 as well so what I did was told him why it was not ok and then after I would sit on the floor next to him with his plate and point to a piece of food and say pick it up and then I'd point to the plate and say put it on the plate. We would do this until his whole mess is clean. It made him so upset after the 3rd time he stopped.
Little boys are wild and they are supposed to be, but that doesn't mean that they can't learn to behave well. its good to encourage their ability to explore and to not stifle that creativity. It's hard to remember stuff like that. My husband and I are still working through figuring out how to discipline. its an ongoing learning process of rolling with the punches, but it does get easier just be consistent, stern, and patient in everything that you do and it'll be a world of difference. I highly recommend "loving your kids on purpose" by Danny Silk changed my life.

Lynnea - posted on 05/10/2013

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So there is a bottle called the time out bottle, or calm down bottle! That helped a lot too, it is just a water bottle, glue, glitter, and hot water. You also need to remember if you get worked up and bothered, your kid will become more worked up. Try to think of how hard it is for you to calm down when you're upset if somebody comes at you upset. The best thing to do is stay calm and focus on distractions from whatever the situation is, even if he was being completely absurd. distractions and then go back to it and talk about it once everybody is calms down

Claudia - posted on 05/10/2013

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You have the internet, google nanny911 on utube. Honestly, this 'naughty spot, or naughty stair, or what place you decide is the sit down training spot , actually works!!
Bend down to their level, look direct into their eyes, and get contact. Tell them what they did wrong, that they WILL sit and you will tell them when they can go. Keep putting them back when they sneak off, and if it takes all day, repeat.
Without anger, this is key. Do not spank. Spanking is meaningless to your child.
He needs to know you mean business. Therefore anger from you MUST go. You take control by persistence and leadership. Also eliminate all toys he throws around, and keep things simple so training is simple. Do not let them trash your place and throw food. You are the parent and that naughty stair or chair will be well used, but after Supernanny or nanny911 lessons, you will be set and your child will be happy. Kids like to know that mom is in charge, not themselves with power to trash and smash.

Lynnea - posted on 05/09/2013

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I videotaped my daughter, and then showed it to her. now I ask her if she would let me videotape her, and she says no, I tell her that's because she's not being nice to me. I simply asked her to try again and to be nice to me please. it stopped it all at once

Snehal - posted on 05/09/2013

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Oh god..i m truly experiencing same thing with my 18 months son.. My husband off for some time for work..so i m the only target... and after my work hours it really gets exhausted that i sometime feel i am not spending good quality time with him...but when he is with me..all that time..he does not listen to me at all. In his day care they say..he is good boy..i just imagine..how good he is...
He is truly testing my patience. When i put him in his bed..he cries so hard and melts my heart. But i think this is just a phase and this shall pass too ...

Ec - posted on 05/08/2013

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I remember those days. Patience, patience, patience. I tried everything too until I found something that worked. I made my son sit on his bed as time out( you would've thought it was torture) and do absolutely nothing. He couldn't play, he couldn't get off the bed and everytime he did something wrong (within reason), I exaggerated the shock of what he did which seemed to stop him in his tracks but I never got mad or let him see me get frustrated. I showed shock and disappointment and then put him on the bed with the rules of not getting down until I told him the time was up which of course is only about 4 minutes but much longer in 2yr old time. Then you sit and talk to him about what he did and what he could've done differently and what you expect. The more you do it, the more he will begin to understand. Then you show lots of love and give lots of praise for all the good things he is doing right so that he sees that the positive feedback is much more important to him than the negative attention. You must gain control at this young age so he can have of strong foundation of respect for you in the years to come. Best Wishes!

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Actually leaving is giving him control. Don't leave, just take him to the car where he can be confined and get his anger out without disturbing others, then take him back in. He is learning to deal with anger, and taking him to a quiet place with no distractions is the best way to let him learn this.

He is 2 years old. He's going to throw food. He is going to get crumbs on the floor. Just take his food away and clean the crumbs up without making a big deal of it. When he throws the food, as you are taking it away show him a more acceptable way of telling you he is full.

Angel Marie - posted on 05/07/2013

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i do that with his food but what about the crumbs and food on the floor? i make him vacuum it up and he still does it daily. and as for leaving places when he throws a fit, i feel like that's giving him control so he can control me leaving places, i already hate taking him when i go out to eat or something because of his fits he throws. but it would be nice to be able to enjoy a meal without screaming and trying to throw himself out of his seat :/

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