I am so angry about my CHILD support order! I can scream...

Carol - posted on 01/19/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My ex and I had a baby. He abandoned us. He has never been in my child's life. For a while he was giving money to us when she was young but it was here and there.. not dependable... I didn't try to cause issues and in his life so I let him give us money when he said he "could"... I didn't want to be the typical baby mama. He told me that he didn't have any money so I said... don't worry I will give you time to pay... He didn't pay anything to me for an entire year... the next year I ask him to start helping me and he started giving me money here and there... finally I said to him... why can't you give me anything toward her.. he said that he didn't have anything. I said to him...20.00 a month would help.. that is pullups for her..and at least I know you are trying... well he stopped sending anything at all...SO I finally gave up and filed for child support last year.. It has taken a YEAR without anything from him and finally I just got a judgement and an order. He appeared in court and tried to get out of it.. finally I received the order. DEFAULT ORDER OF SUPPORT.. He didn't give them ANY of his income information.. nothing.. so they went of my income and the support is very low. I just wanted this...!@@#!@# to be fair. He couldn't..It wasn't about the money, it was about responsibility of taken care of his child...HE CHEATED HIS CHILD... WHAT A B_____! I waited until she was 6!!! to take him to court and most women would have taken him a lot earlier... I am so angry....He lives in a HUGE house in GA... HAS another HOME in DC... and doesn't want to help me with his own daughter at all... NOW miss NICE is GONE.. He wants to be a !@#@!# then so will I. I am sooooo p.... He better be on TIME every month.. if he doesn't I am filing for contempt... and in three years... I am going back for more.. I want every penny that he owes my daughter now.... BEING NICE DOESN'T WORK. I AM A FOOL... I won't be any more... He doesn't know how assertive I can be... He is about to find out... I don't know how he sleeps at night... Karma is going to get him...

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Ev - posted on 01/19/2016

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At this point without custody and visitation in place he can take her and not give her back if he did see her and no one would be able to help you out with it. Custody is there to protect all parties and the child. It gives the child relationships with both parents and holds parents accountable for keeping the orders up. By trying to do this on your own, see the mess it has become just over financial support? If you do not get custody taken care of that will also become a mess.You are not stupid but you did not think everything through. The courts are there to help make the process easier for everyone to go through though custody and such is not easy to deal with. Its just smarter. We have seen posts on here from women who are in a mess with the custody issue because they made a verbal or written agreement with the ex for the kids and then he has not returned the kids because there were no court orders to follow.

Sarah - posted on 01/19/2016

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Why do I need to get custody in place?
Without a court ordered custody order, he can appear out of nowhere and request to see his child. Legally, you cannot stop him from doing that and you cannot withhold the child from him. It may seem like a remote possibility, but it can happen. there is another mom on this site whose 6 yo went for a visit with dad and now he won't give her back to her mother. Play it safe, get the custody order.
http://www.circleofmoms.com/toddler-moms...

Dove - posted on 01/19/2016

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Get over yourself thinking that you were being nice to him. You cheated your child by not going after child support as soon as he left. It's not wrong to go after child support. It's your child's legal and moral right to be supported by both parents.

That being said... you might benefit from some counseling. My ex owes over $30,000 in back support for our kids... and I really don't care. I know it will catch up to him eventually, so I just focus on myself and my kids and don't worry about what he does or does not do in his life.

My ex originally said that he made $3000/month (about what he really was making) because he thought the judge would give him custody since I was unemployed. As soon as I was granted custody he became 'unemployed' and has been so ever since (6 years)... So what?

You need to heal from this and I think the fact that you waited 6 year to file has prolonged the healing process. I hope you also have a custody and visitation order in place....?

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Carol - posted on 01/19/2016

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He has to send it to DCSS... until he has an income deduction order from his job... He refused to give them any information... so they don't know. I calmed down.. I was just so angry.. I am glad I finally did this.. I waited because I was hoping we could co parent like adults.. without the courts getting involved.. I was trying to give him a chance.. I really wasn't trying to cheat my child.. we made her and I was hoping we could work together... That he would take care of her even though we wasn't together.. I was so stupid.. I understand now.

Ev - posted on 01/19/2016

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I have to agree with Dove on this one. You could have taken him for child support a long time ago instead of sitting by and letting him just help when he could. By not having the orders in place back then, he did not have to do a thing or lift a finger because he did not have court orders to force his hand. Now that you have had to take him for child support, how is it taken from him to be given to you? Does he send the check to you? Does the court take it from his income and send it to you? If the court takes it from him to give to you, it should be on time. But just because he has a few homes here and there does not mean anything....its current income the court looks at.

Carol - posted on 01/19/2016

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no I just got the child support order... Ok. I need to go after the custody and visitation order... I understand.

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