I am struggling with my step daughters

Tynille - posted on 06/30/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I recently got married & things with my step kids have just got worse. Their mother is a real number and i am not just saying that to sound like the jealous new wife, i have tried to be friend this woman and make it better for the kids but she has just made my life hell. I am good friends with my ex and father of my childs girlfriend, we even help each other out with baby sitting. It has been a tough road with the 3 x girls and trying to cement a new family but she just keeps screwing it up. My daughter (age 5) just adores the other 2 x girls (age 6 & 8) but their mother has made sure that she will poisen the girls to not like me or my or my daughter. She has even moved them away about 5 hrs away from their father because she cant stand being near us. Lets not even get onto the maintenance that he pays her and she doesnt even work! So recently my hubby went to go see the girls, i couldnt go cause i couldnt get off work, when he left on the Sunday he was heart broken and i shouldnt have but i sms her saying she has broken him by moving the kids away and i am sure she is happy. She proceeds to send me a trail of sms telling me how the girls hate my daughter and i and they roll their eyes whenever i speak to them on the phone and they despise having to say i love you to me or my daughter. I dont know what to do anymore its so hurtful and i have really tried my best with these girls. They are coming to us for the school holidays and i feel like running away!! I just dont know what to do anymore.

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JuLeah - posted on 06/30/2011

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Never insult their mother to them. Don't really speak of her, but nod and smile if they bring her up.

Start fresh and develop your relationship with them.

It takes time. Don't expect anything from them. In terms of a relationship, I mean. Don't ask anything of them.

These poor little kids have been put in to a really bad position. If they like you, they feel they hate their mother. If they like their new sister, they are betraying their mother.

They are little kids in a situtaion few adults would know how to handle and they don't have the ability to use reason or logic as an adult might. They can't see that their mother has done anything wrong. Their minds are not that developed. Their world is more black and white ... they like you and hate their mother, or love their mother and hate you. Thoes are the choice they feel they have.

My heart breaks for them.

So, let them be, Don't be upset with them for not knowing what to do. Ignore all their mother does to you. Take the high road and ignore her.

See and speak only the positive. Someone needs to be an adult here, and it doesn't sound like it's gonna be her.

She sees you as the women taking her kids ... doesn't matter if it is not true ... it is how she sees it and she is reacting from a place of fear .... this may take years, but steady on, and you will get there

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Louise - posted on 06/30/2011

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JuLeah has some good advice here. The girls will reach an age that they will make there own mind up who they like and dislike. If you always treat them like you would your own child they will bond with you whether she likes it or not .This woman is very jealous and needs to get a grip. The girls will see her manipulation and will feel rather embarrassed that they thought badly of you. Be the better woman and ignore it. If you can establish SKYPE with the girls where your husband can see his girls and you can speak to them to and see there facial expressions. I am sure they are happy to talk to you really and this nastiness is all in the mothers mind.

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