I am the parent of a bulling victim, i am also the parent of the bully!?

Brandie - posted on 02/21/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




Im the parent that always wondered what on earth is wrong with the parents of thse bullies! today i was informed that my 7 year old mildly autistic son was being bullied at school. The bully is my 6 year old son!! they often fight at home, there siblings, its to be expected to some degree. however today at school my youngest son gathered up some of his friends to pick a fight with my oldest! i am disgusted to say the least. and at a loss as to how to begin to defuse this? Anyone in a similar situation?


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Stifler's - posted on 02/21/2012




Maybe he feels resentful of the extra attention your older son needs/gets. So when he's in trouble for bullying you will have to spend more time interacting with just him. Any attention is good attention for kids.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/21/2012




Well, similar in that I have 2 kids, 3 years apart, and the oldest was bullying his younger brother.

At least, to me it was bullying, and since I did some similar things to MY younger brothers, I should know!

With mine, it was things like making little brother run to "catch" his ride after school, or making brother squeeze into a space that is way too small for him... (friend had wrecked the passenger side of his truck, so the older guys would climb in thru the driver's side or back, but they would make the youngest squeeze thru an opening that was more adequate for a 5 year old), or making him wait in temperatures well below zero for an extended period of time.

Since (as I said) I'd done similar stunts to my younger brothers, I was horrified. I felt like I was the worlds worst failure. So, I called upon my brothers! They took my oldest out to dinner, and proceeded to let him know EXACTLY how it felt to be treated like crap. They explained what I'd done, the running for rides, etc, and how it made them feel. Then they asked him how he'd feel if his "little" brother (who's actually an inch taller and 50 lbs heavier) decided to quit taking the crap, and start dishing it...and he realized that he was an ass, and apologized to both his brother and I.

You need to handle this now. Your younger son, by gathering a group of his "friends" (some friends, to encourage picking on an autistic child) has demonstrated bullying tendencies. If he's not stopped now, as soon as he "perfects his technique" on his brother, who's to stop him from victimizing the rest of the kids?

I'd start by asking him what he is thinking at that time. Does he have fun picking on his older brother? Does he think it makes him look "cool" to his friends? And then, after he's had time to think about that, he needs to think about something else: The fact that his brother will, now and always, want to be his friend, his protector, his confidante, etc. Now, how does he feel, knowing that he took his brother's TRUST and stomped all over it, but his brother still treats him with love. Does he feel like a man?

Oh, and I'd talk to the other parents IMMEDIATELY. Let them know that their children are exhibiting the same tendencies. And ultimately, remove your younger son from that group of "friends".

Yep, it's mean. Yep, it's harsh. But, your youngest son is victimizing someone who's skills aren't on par with his. Even if they ARE brothers, there is a line between "sibling stuff" and bullying.

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