Nicole - posted on 10/22/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )
I am trying to decide if I should move back to the state where my boyfriend/father of our son lives. To provide some background info... My boyfriend and I have had a complicated relationship for a little over 4 years now. I became pregnant after only a few months of dating but we have always loved each other. He has custody of his 3 additional children and it has been very difficult to meld our families because of his extremely difficult ex. and financial devastations. I left the state after our son was only 2 months old because he could not offer us the support and family life that I felt we both needed. And therefore, I needed the support of my family that lives 1200 miles away from him.
We have continued our relationship but it has not been easy - he went a year without visiting us. We both struggle financially so it made visits even more difficult. He has disappointed me many times so I'm afraid of taking another risk.
We always have a wonderful time when he visits (now every 3 mths) and we have resumed talking almost everyday on the phone. He has made great strides in the past year to improve his situations and is now asking us to come back to where he lives so we can build a life and family together. I miss him and I know he's a good father and I want our son to have him in his life on a daily basis but Im afraid that I might wind up feeling that horrible anxiety again and being back there with no family support. Another reason why I am reluctant to go back is because my family (mother especially) has become so attached to my son and it would devastate them if we left. My mother has also provided loving, devoted childcare for my son so I can work full time. I have a good job now and I could try to get a transfer but it will take some time. I also thought that maybe I should wait until my son is in school full time? We even discussed him moving here but he does not want to take his children out the state where their mother is and he's not sure how long it would take him to find another job.
My apologies for the novel above but i guess I'm talking out loud.. listing the pros & cons for myself as well.
But, First things first...for our son's benefit is it worth taking the risk?
Thank you for listening....