I can no longer control or provide finacially for my 2 teenage children..Should I give them to my ex?

Tami - posted on 10/15/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have been divorced from the children's father since Feb. 2011. We have joint custody of my 14 year old son and 16 year old daughter. I was awarded the home but was given 2 years to either refinance or sell. I couldn't pull this off. I remarried April 2013 and the children's dad wouldn't give me more time to on the home. The 2nd marriage did not work out and we divorced. I also lost my business.. The house was foreclosed on. Since then I have moved, moved and moved. The children's dad offered to help if I moved closer to him (he lives with his parents and is 48 years old) This did not work out because my teenage daughter wasn't happy being away from the home town where she had a boyfriend and friends. Also, her father took our child support debit card and wouldn't give it back to me. I had a nervous breakdown and went into the hospital. When I came out my family said to get my kids and myself out of the town where their father lives. I did this. I rented a house and moved back. My 14 year old son is not happy and he wants to go live with his father. He has threatened me several times. At this time, I can't support either one of them and my 16 year old daughter does what she pleases anyway.

My brother who lives an hour away from me has said to just send both of them to live with their father and his parents and I can stay with him until I get back on my feet. I've agree that although the kids father is mean and manipulate (he has convinced my son that I can't be a good mother) that I simply have no choice. Before long we will all be homeless. My brother has also told the kids father that I'm not willing to sign paperwork as far as custody is concerned. Their father is approximately 9,000 behind in his child support. I'm so tired of moving and I want what is best for my kids even if it means giving them up. Am I making the right decision and what consequences might I face from my ex?

I know a lot of drama but I would appreciate any advice.
Thanks

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Brittany - posted on 10/17/2014

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I am so sorry to hear this. I know it must be a difficult decision and a difficult position to be in. I commend you for want the best for your children though. I don't have any advice, but I will keep you in my prayers!

Live, Laugh, and Cantor on

Tami - posted on 10/16/2014

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Thanks Christina. This is really a mess. When you say seek council's advice. Well....I can't afford an attorney. Do you know who might give me free advice that I can trust?

Christina - posted on 10/16/2014

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Tami,

Oh my! Bless your heart! First of all, you need to do what is right for you. If you can't support you and your children and your ex-husband can, give him control for a while. Get yourself healthy and on your feet and then re-address the situation. It will not do anyone any good if you are homeless, without a job, and in a deep depression. Kids always think the grass is greener on the other side. They don't live day to day with your ex so naturally they think it will all be cupcakes and rainbows. It sounds like your kids are running you and not the other way around. How does your 16 y/o do whatever she pleases? She is not an adult and there are laws that can hurt you for not enforcing certain things in her life. Your 14 y/o wants to be around dad. That is understandable considering he has been absent and he sees him as having an easy life....in all fairness he does. BUT before you release your young'uns to your ex, I would seek council's advise to see what this will do to my future custody issues later on. There are so many programs in place to help people who are down for just a season in their life. If the kids don't want to move, oh well. You need to do what is best for your family. If they absolutely throw a temper-tantrum, let dad take care of them for a while. I guarantee after a while with him, they will see him for what he is. You work on you....move in with your brother, get your feet on the ground and then get your kids back. I can almost say from seeing it first hand, they will want to come home to their momma because although daddy may be the fun one right now, momma has always done what is best for them and they will see that too. I am praying for you.

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